Pop Culture

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Hank Williams Junior is being punished for being honest.  As children we were always taught “honesty is the best policy” but now you should probably add “unless you are talking to the media.”  ESPN has decided to pull the Monday Night Football theme song that Williams has performed at the beginning of the telecast since 1991 because he compared our President to Hitler.   Yes Hank Williams Jr. is being punished for speaking his mind. 

Take a look at Hank.  I know.  We are doing a bit of profiling here but let’s be freaking honest!   I see beer, trucks, barbed-wire fence, bonfire, guns, girls in Daisy Dukes…is thyat enough for ya?   Does Hank look like a guy that’s gonna support ANY Democrat?   Let’s talk about what Hank DIDN’T say.  He never said the President was a dictator.  He never said the President was responsible for the deaths of innocent people.  He made a COMPARISON of the President and Speaker of the House John Bohener playing golf being like “Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.”  That’s ALL he said.  It was a brain fart.  It was a mistake but it wasn’t malicious.  If you are EVER in front of a TV camera NEVER mention Hitler.  There’s a reason there isn’t a Hitler comic book or Halloween costume.

So we don’t like what people say and respond by banning things they have done?  We punish people for the right that others have fought to protect?  We are going backwards instead of forwards.  I wish America had the passion for politics of Hank Williams Jr.  I would feel confident that everyone casting a vote really understood the candidates and the issues.  Did I also mention that Hank Williams Jr. has since apologized for what he said?  Click HERE  Johnny Depp compared having his picture taken with being raped!  I find that comparison to be much more offensive than what Hank Williams Jr. said but I’m not gonna stop seeing his films until his films start to suck. 

People are becoming afraid of speaking what they think.  We are taking away our OWN freedom of speech.   Just like you never should be afraid of failure you should never be afraid of speaking your mind.  Now if you’ll excuse me…I have a tee time with Mussolini.

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An ice cream shop in Ocala, FL has been accused of racism because some believe a guy standing by the street dressed as an ice cream cone resembles a Klan member.  Read story HERE.  Sadly racism still exists in this country but is this really the face and outfit that touts white supremacy?

I have never attended a Klan rally and that’s something that isn’t on my bucket list but I think I can safely say that this man is not promoting a cross burning.  Looking at the picture I would say this is a man trying to make a few bucks dressed as a sugar cone.  Based on the waist-line of Al Sharpton I think its safe to assume he and other civil rights activists support the consumption of sugar cones on a regular basis.  So where is the controversy???

Is it in the promotion of selecting “vanilla” as a flavor of choice? I think we are on to something.   Adding a few sprinkles to the top of a vanilla cone does not make it multi-cultural so surely you understand the outrage.  I’m a chocolate guy.  I’m also a man of conviction.  I don’t care if a man stands on a street corner dressed as a Grand Wizard with sprinkles on his head I will not be intimidated to order a vanilla cone.  I like chocolate and nothing is gonna make me change my order in the custard line!  We must stop this ridiculous mind-set that all people must order vanilla.  Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry…it doesn’t matter.  No matter what the color it’s all the same on the inside.  It’s still ICE CREAM!!!

I have to go.  I think the “Hamburglar” is in my driveway trying to hot-wire my car.

 

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Last Thursday I had a date with a man.  I didn’t know what he would look like but I was sooooo excited for his arrival.  I didn’t care that there were other people he needed to satisfy before me.  He wasn’t even able to give me an exact time when he would see me.  I was told he would be at my house between 2PM and 5PM.  That was good enough for me.  I had a date with……..THE CABLE GUY!!!!

At 1:45PM I started to get nervous.  “He’ll be here soon,” I thought to myself.  He was to install high-speed internet so I cleaned my office and made my bed.  I took a quick shower and sat down in front of the TV to pass the time.  Every fifteen minutes I would get up, go to the window, part the blinds and look down the street to see if he was about to turn into my driveway.  Nothing. 4PM shows up.  No cable guy.  I didn’t want to call the company and look desperate but this is rude.  How about a call saying you are running late???

At exactly 4:57PM the doorbell rang.  It was him.  He was here for me.  FINALLY.  I opened the door and let him in.  I was a little upset with him showing up at the last-minute so I was less than cordial.  I sat on the couch while he did his thing.  Fifteen minutes later he was gone.  No handshake.  No plans to get together again.  No promise to call.  No champagne.  No caviar.  I didn’t care.  He used me and I used him.  I had high-speed internet.  I was satisfied.

Then I got to thinking:  “What if my cable guy was Ray-J?”  I could have been a Kardashian!!!  Then I thought of what Kim had to do to be famous and I was just happy being on YouTube!!

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Last week we all had a good laugh when we found out that White House gate crasher/reality star Michaele Salahi left her husband for Neal Schon, lead guitarist of Journey.  I gotta tell ya….this can happen to ANYONE! 

It’s 1989 and I’m a hot rocking, flame throwing night-time DJ in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  I was dating this girl for a few weeks and I was going to impress her by taking her BACKSTAGE at the RATT/Cinderella concert.  I know ladies….how could this NOT be anything BUT impressive.  So….concert ends…we’re backstage…the bands are there…I am very impressed with how impressed my date, Dawn D., must be with me.  I AM  Danny Impressive.  All hail ME!!!!!  It’s now time to leave as the stage is being broken down so I look to find my date.  Hmmmmmmm.  No sign of Dawn.  I corner a stage guy and asked if he saw the girl I was with.  He said  “Oh yeah…she and Freddy really hit it off..she left with him.”

LET ME CLARIFY THIS:  Freddy is Fred Coury the drummer for Cinderella.  He doesn’t commute.  He is a drummer in  a rock band that is on tour so basically my date dumped me and went on the road with Cinderella.  As I drove home……alone….I told myself, “She’s in for a load of heart ache and STD’s.  She’ll be sorry one day.”  Years later I found out that my “date” ended up MARRYING Fred Coury and they have two great looking kids. 

I learned a couple of things about myself that night in Grand Rapids.  Number One:  Stop trying to impress everyone and be yourself.  Number Two:  Never take a date backstage.

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See this kid to the left?  Ya don’t wanna be him.  He’s a weatherman in Arkansas that had an unfortunate evening.  His night ended in the following headline:  “Weatherman Found in Hot Tub With Dead Man Wearing Dog Collar.”   I’m not kidding.  CLICK HERE  Oh, by the way…..his last name is Cummins.

As the media spokesperson for this TV station you have a LOT to deal with:  a) Employee sleeping nude with dead guy  b) Hot Tub  c) and the “caveat”…..the DOG COLLAR!  Ya gotta have balls of steel.  This is America.  Give the stupid people some sort of answer and they’ll change the topic at the dinner table to “Why ‘All In The Family’ would never make it past censors today!”

Here’s my spin:  Mr. Cummins is very distraught about the accidental drowning of his unnamed friend that was obviously a dog lover.  Mr. Cummins, a nudist, an avid swimmer, and a sufferer from the sudden onset of narcolepsy is not available yet for comment as he is at city hall changing his last name to “Luvtitz.”  What’s yours????

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If you know me then you know I have always made the comment “I’m gonna sell everything except the Harley, move to Key West, and tend bar.”   The way things are going in this world I’m ready to move there NOW!

Look at the water-color to the left.  It was painted by Senator Dan Patrick of Texas.  He actually said the face of Jesus magically appeared when he tried to correct his painting.  Ever since Chaz Bono has been announced as a contestant on “Dancing With The Stars,” discussion boards have blown up!  “I’m not watching.”  “How did he grow his beard?”  ” Does he FEEL like a man?”  “Look at all the cheese he bought this weekend.”  This is REALLY happening people!

I don’t care if Chaz Bono can grow a beard.  Eat all the cheese ya like.  I don’t worry about what he feels like.  Chaz Bono doesn’t affect which TV show I watch but I would look at his “thing” if he slung it over the shoulder of Tom Bergeron.  Just being honest.

Jesus didn’t “magically appear” on your painting Senator.  You suck as an artist.  Unless you make your living as painter I think we all were pretty much done with water colors by our tenth birthday.  Why not say you think Jesus may have been homosexual since he never married and always hung out with a bunch of guys? THAT makes more sense to me than you claiming his face “magically appeared” when you couldn’t find your Lite Brite and you decided to play with your paint-by-number set.

The Dow Jones is falling and the crazy factor is going off the charts.  Time for me to plan a yard sale!

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For the first time since 1945 America showed zero job growth last month.  We have a tropical storm AND a hurricane that pose threats to our mainland.  We are nine days away from the ten-year anniversary of 9-11.  Please put those and other issues on the back burner because Chaz Bono is SHOWING OFF HIS NEW BEARD!!

I can imagine if my father were alive today and he saw this “story” on the news.  The conversation would probably go like this:

Dad:  Who’s the fat guy?

Me:  That’s Chaz Bono.  Remember the Sonny and Cher show you didn’t like because Sonny had a cheesy mustache?  That’s his daughter that he would pick up and hold during every show.

Dad:  She looks like a man.

Me:  Well technically she is.  She is a transgender, she is now a he, and he can grow a beard.

Dad:  Good for her or him.  Why does anyone give  s**t?

Sadly many people do.  People are threatening NOT to watch Dancing With The Stars because Chaz Bono is a contestant!  That’s insane to me.  I’m gonna watch BECAUSE of Chaz Bono.  I wanna see who has the bigger head; Chaz or Nancy Grace.  I wanna hear Chaz talk to Tom Bergeron.  Will he sound like Bowzer from ShaNaNa?  I wanna see if he keeps the beard and decides to become Amish.

Pick your battles America.  Chaz Bono is NOT one of them.  Have a  great and safe weekend!  🙂

 

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Labor Day weekend is upon us.  I can’t help thinking about those Labor Day weekends when I was a kid.  We would sit on a picnic table that dad built (every spring and fall he would coat it with Linseed oil to preserve the wood) and eat non-stop with friends and family.

Mom would make sure there was a table-cloth on the picnic table because that’s just the way it was done.  The potato salad would only be out for eight minutes because it can’t sit in direct sunlight or we all would end up in the hospital.  Mom’s steak had to be “extra well-done” because if blood comes out that means the meat is not cooked and you logically will develop worms.

After eating and drinking too much all the guys would play jarts.   This game was played in the backyard and was a combination of darts and horseshoes.  The “jart” actually resembled something used in modern warfare.  It was a flying projectile with a sharp metal point.  In 1988 this “game” was eventually banned because it resulted in“multiple deaths.”  THIS was the game being played in my backyard. Did I mention most of the players held “jart” in one hand and alcoholic beverage in the other.  If the potato salad or worms didn’t get me then the damn Jart would!

Here is hoping YOU create great memories this Labor Day weekend!.

 

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Every now and then something comes along and I just don’t understand the popularity and appeal it has to others.  Mixed Martial Arts is one of those stumbling blocks.

It’s much more violent than boxing and it’s what I imagine prison rape might resemble.  For someone who has never see seen MMA I would suggest take boxing, add some wrestling, and top it off with that volleyball scene from the movie “Top Gun.”  THAT is MMA!

In order to get an opponent to “tap out” it seems you must “tea-bag” him until he is nearly asphyxiated.  I’d want out of the match as well if I was choking on a scrotum that resembled a five-pound sack of Vidalia onions.  “Sack out ref!!!  Sack out!!!”

Crazy tattoos, lots of blood, lots of violence, lots of yelling, lots of finger-pointing, lots of overcompensation happening here if you ask me.  I say lose the double earrings, put on a t-shirt that actually FITS, grab your opponent and spend the day antiquing.  You know ya want to!  🙂