I am so tired of explaining this but it’s back in the news after Israel failed in landing an UNMANNED spacecraft on the moon this week. I get ridiculed all the time I bring this up but I will NEVER trust our government. We are told what we NEED to hear and are conditioned NOT to question what they tell us. When is the last time that government got involved and it was good? Part of my mantra is “trust is earned; not handed out.” What has our government done to insure your trust? Let me save you the effort…..NOTHING! It’s a cesspool of corruption and self entitlements. Look at everything the government has it’s hands on: IRS, Social Security, Medicare, etc. Fail…Fail….Fail.
Let’s look at facts: Space Shuttle 135 missions to ORBIT the earth. Shuttles Challenger and Columbia were destroyed during their mission and we lost fourteen astronauts. The Apollo missions resulted in (sic) six moon landings between 1969-1972. Now we wanna go back? The moon race in the 60’s was a race between America and Russia. We were in a cold war and needed a jolt of nationalism. Why not go to the moon? Have you ever been to a space museum and seen the capsule our astronauts returned to orbit in? I’d feel safer in an AMC Pacer crashing into a pole. Let’s look at this story in more detail. This shitty capsule traveled 238,900 miles from the moon and then just drops in the ocean within miles of the awaiting Navy ship? Is this a ten year old explaining who ate the last piece of cake to his mother? It doesn’t sink. It doesn’t burn up. Astronauts are not impaled upon a remote control stick from an Atari that acted as their compass into the aforementioned ocean? What the hell is going on here? This makes absolutely no sense but I, the one that is calling bullshit, am looked upon as a nutball. I just wanna understand why we need to go back if we have been there before. Perhaps we never were there? That makes a lot more sense than what our government has been telling us since 1969. If you need me…..I’ll be in my bunker. Thanks for reading.
I give nicknames to everyone. The greatest I have ever bestowed was “The Freckle.” That was reserved for a freckled female that was my General Manager for my final years in radio in West Palm Beach. I walked away back in 2011 and “The Freckle” was a big reason why I did so and have not come back since.
She was an interesting character. First time as a General Manager and always sticking her nose into things she had no knowledge of and if her friends from church would say anything about the station during Sunday services it would be on the agenda Monday morning. We were on a collision course. Me and “The Freckle.”
I don’t play games. I work hard and made the mistake of letting a job define me. Some have called me “difficult” but that is a mask for someone that doesn’t appreciate anyone that is lazy. I have no room in my life for lazy people. If that makes me difficult then I will proudly wear that crown. “The Freckle” did not like to be questioned. You had to kiss her ring or you weren’t part of the tribe. We were on a collision course. Me and “The Freckle.”
I don’t like bullshit. When it became clear to me that the Sheriff was corrupt and the TV/gossip columnist was an ass I took them on. I have a big mouth and I really don’t care what people think. That’s not how it was done in West Palm Beach. The more you shoot your mouth off the more you become a target and I found that out the hard way. The vermin came out of their holes and came after me. One day I was falsely accused of something and of course all charges were dropped. That didn’t matter to “The Freckle.” Even though I was innocent and was basically a target of retribution by the Sheriff, she never stood by me. I was off the air and banned from the station and all events. When the truth was told, all charges dropped, I could see “The Freckle” steaming. She had no choice to put me back on the air and why not? I had solid number one ratings in all key demos. The irony was that I was making “The Freckle” look good. We were on a collision course. Me and “The Freckle.”
Back in 2010 I told “The Freckle” the days of music are dead. We need to do podcasts after the show. It’s the biggest threat to commercial radio. We need to drop all music in the morning and work harder on compelling content. What did “The Freckle” do? Ignored me and demand I play more music. This arranged marriage was nearing the end. “The Freckle” started to eliminate those that questioned her and wouldn’t kiss the ring. The mental games had taken their toll on me. My health was suffering and I had lost my edge and my confidence. Long story short, I walked away from that toxic situation in early 2011.
Funny thing about history. It will make you look like a prophet or a fool. Today that morning show that replaced me is doing well. They have a podcast after every show and they don’t play music. I look at those days with “The Freckle” and I wondered why I waited so long to walk away. I have so much more to share with you about “The Freckle”, but those stories will have to wait for my book.
I am not an attractive man. I have a great mind and sense of humor but that’s where it all ends. I will never be on the cover of Men’s Health. Having said that I have been very lucky with dating many attractive and intelligent women…..I have also made some terrible decisions….but I put myself in those situations.
Let me share with you the magical evening I was hit on by another man. I was at my typical dive bar near my house filled with drug dealers and hookers. They used to have illegal slot machines in there that paid off in cash. I got to know the regulars. I became a regular….again not my best moment. I got to know this black guy that would work at Red Lobster and then ride his bike to the bar and have a few drinks. He was openly gay but if ya know me….ya know I only care about good and bad.
One night I sat down at the bar next to my gay black friend. Conversation seemed normal but then he said something that I was not prepared for. First of all ya gotta understand my physical make up. I am 6’3 290 pounds and I usually wear a Harley bandana, sunglasses and a vest without sleeves. It’s not, by any means, a pretty sight. My young, black, gay friend stares at the top of the bar and remarks “You have great hands.” I was stunned. I thought I was hearing things. My mind was able to tell my soul that he wanted to stick his fine ebony tool in something of my person. My brain just short wired. I looked at him, still caught of guard and only was able to mutter, “Thanks!”
Thanks????? What the hell was that? I’m a smart guy that always is on alert to anything and anyone and I just had a man hit on me for the first time in my life and all I could say was “Thanks?” You say that to someone who holds the door open at the 7-11 on a Saturday morning while customers are lined up to buy lotto tickets and vapes.
I then excused myself and went to the jukebox. I played Ga Ga’s “Born This Way” and we danced to last call drinking Pina Colodas and planning a weekend trip to a Ricky Martin concert. Eighty percent of this story is true. If you knew me in West Palm then it should be easy to figure out. Thanks for reading my friends.
I have been on record for saying “Trust No One.” I have been burned too many times. Trust is not something that should be handed out like a flyer when you exit the flea market. Trust is earned and cannot be for sale. I have learned that people will use you for their own satisfaction. That will never happen to me again. I won’t allow it.
I don’t need a stranger knocking on my door with a bowl of potato salad. I don’t want to go to the neighborhood block party. I want to be left alone so I decided to purchase an eye patch.
For fifteen bucks I think I have found the secret to being ignored. No one wants to approach the guy with the eye patch. There is an immediate sense of danger and apprehension attached to anyone that wears the aforementioned patch. What happened? Is he a pirate? Does he own a parrot? Is that leg made of wood? The questions are endless.
Anything that insures privacy is a good thing. I find an eye patch to be much more effective than a “Beware of the Dog” sign. It’s two bucks at K-Mart and doesn’t release my fear factor. So if you see me around town, I’ll be wearing my patch and more than likely sitting in the corner of the room with my eye (notice how it’s not plural?) locked on the entrance. Knowledge is power.
I’m an odd duck. I left the world of radio eight years ago and in that time I have become my own boss. I have relocated to my hometown of Cleveland and live in my basement. I have a wonderful bedroom upstairs that is for my mom when she visits. I have not been in my loft. I have three TV’s downstairs, a desk, a podcast studio, three computers and a notepad. I ride a Harley. I don’t have a vehicle. I support Uber and rarely go out. In the past I have been accused of being difficult and I chose today’s blog as an opportunity to examine and address that accusation.
First of all I think people quickly assume someone is difficult when they are a free thinker. I will always tell you how I feel. There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming. I never criticize unless I have a solution. Too many people in the position of authority are insecure in their own leadership abilities, or lack thereof, that they only want you to bow down and kiss the ring. To work for this type of person is to forfeit your own integrity. I want to work for one that will guide me and not order me. The best managers hire people and let them grow. They let you fail because you cannot enjoy success without tasting defeat.
Critics of me, and there are many, want to silence me. I could have played the corporate game and amassed a tremendous amount of money. My integrity is not for sale. You can take all my material possessions but you cannot take my mind. I am 54 years old and I make sure I learn something new each day. I have learned that the circle of true friends that accept you for what are is surprisingly small.
A job does not love you or define who you are. It’s just the way of paying the cable bill and mine is $140 a month. Family is everything and I am lucky to be home and rediscovering mine. It’s never to late to change. Question everything that is told to you. Be accountable for what you say and what you do. Do not fear making mistakes. If that makes me difficult then I proudly wear that crown.
I don’t know where to begin. It’s been a hell of a trip. I have knocked on and have witnessed the devil’s door. I am finally home in Cleveland after a long journey in radio that has taught me the lessons of life and what truly matters. I was consumed with radio. I gave it everything I had. I learned that radio is probably like any other job. It does not define you. It does not love you back. It will not be there when you are poor in health. It is not your friend.
I am blessed that I have been given the ability to look inside myself and determine my weaknesses (there are many) and attempt to eradicate them from my being. I owe that to those that have stood by me. I owe that to God. I’m not banging the bible but there is something more than this—-if you know of my coma of six days in September of 2015 then you know I was able to see the next level. I don’t know if it was heaven. I do know that there is more than this.
Moving from Florida was not easy after eighteen years. I developed habits. Most were not good but I got comfortable until I realized I needed to come home or die. My mind has always been one of the gifts from God and it has been reborn. Years of psychiatric care had me buried in a cloud of xanax. A month ago I decided to stop taking this prescribed medication and I went through two weeks of hell. What I have received in return was worth the pain, the sleepless nights, the fear, the sweating, the vomiting and the paranoia.
I have become kind of a recluse. I think that’s natural as we grow older as our true friends eventually stand out. I think that trust is something that is earned and not handed out. I look back on my life and am aware that I was lost for quite some time but all I can fix is tomorrow. So many people struggle each day, they take it hour by hour, they were high and now they are low, nothing is a assured, we have to have faith.
Thank you for reading this. I hope I made some sort of connection with you by sharing my experiences in the past year. Bottom line is we may disagree on many things but we still are all together in this crazy journey of life. I’ll hold the door open for you. Please do the same for others.