I am not an attractive man. I have a great mind and sense of humor but that’s where it all ends. I will never be on the cover of Men’s Health. Having said that I have been very lucky with dating many attractive and intelligent women…..I have also made some terrible decisions….but I put myself in those situations.
Let me share with you the magical evening I was hit on by another man. I was at my typical dive bar near my house filled with drug dealers and hookers. They used to have illegal slot machines in there that paid off in cash. I got to know the regulars. I became a regular….again not my best moment. I got to know this black guy that would work at Red Lobster and then ride his bike to the bar and have a few drinks. He was openly gay but if ya know me….ya know I only care about good and bad.
One night I sat down at the bar next to my gay black friend. Conversation seemed normal but then he said something that I was not prepared for. First of all ya gotta understand my physical make up. I am 6’3 290 pounds and I usually wear a Harley bandana, sunglasses and a vest without sleeves. It’s not, by any means, a pretty sight. My young, black, gay friend stares at the top of the bar and remarks “You have great hands.” I was stunned. I thought I was hearing things. My mind was able to tell my soul that he wanted to stick his fine ebony tool in something of my person. My brain just short wired. I looked at him, still caught of guard and only was able to mutter, “Thanks!”
Thanks????? What the hell was that? I’m a smart guy that always is on alert to anything and anyone and I just had a man hit on me for the first time in my life and all I could say was “Thanks?” You say that to someone who holds the door open at the 7-11 on a Saturday morning while customers are lined up to buy lotto tickets and vapes.
I then excused myself and went to the jukebox. I played Ga Ga’s “Born This Way” and we danced to last call drinking Pina Colodas and planning a weekend trip to a Ricky Martin concert. Eighty percent of this story is true. If you knew me in West Palm then it should be easy to figure out. Thanks for reading my friends.
Danny finally says what needs to be said about self checkouts. Why is he disappointed in Seth Rogen? One of the most unselfish acts someone can do on a first date and so much more. Just click below. Thanks!!
Danny pushes Harley 2 miles. He ends up calling his mother for a ride. Things Danny thinks everyone should ask on the first date. Why is Lorena Bobbitt in the news? This podcast is truly a great example of what it’s like to live in DANNYLAND!
Hookers, blow, fake viagra and $75K in cash. Jenny McCarthy mad at the big changes at Playboy Magazine. Two “A” stars you would never think would skinny-dip together did. Democratic Presidential candidate Jim Webb is still crying about the debate and Danny drills him again. Last Podcast of the week with a new show open that has removed all the profanity. What has happened to Danny? Just click and listen.
My last relationship ended 10-23-11. I told myself that day I was gonna go a year without dating. That time line is now over three years and counting and I really kind of like it. I used to be very co-dependant. I couldn’t even keep up with who I was with or who would be next. I didn’t really “know me” and, quite frankly, I was wasting the time of a lot of really kind and intelligent women. I needed to find out about me. What makes me tick? What are my faults? How can I improve?
I’m an only child. Left the house at 18 and got into radio full-time at 21. I have lived in Wichita, Grand Rapids, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, Cleveland and now West Palm Beach. I say what’s on my mind and not necessarily what people wanna hear. I have a 4 bedroom 2 ½ bath house but have not slept in my bed in over three years. I sleep on the couch and the TV has to be on 24 hours a day. The only other rooms I use are the kitchen and my office that has three computers. I have five televisions in the house. I am a news and sports junkie. The only alcohol I drink anymore is beer and that only happens twice a week at the most. I have a Harley Road King Classic that I have invested 42K on. I don’t own a suit. I think my mother is the greatest woman I have ever met–although she does know how to drive me nuts. As I figure out what to do with the rest of my life I exist in my boxers and my boxers alone.
My psychiatrist tells me I am “the most honest patient he has ever met.” He has been in practice for 28 years. I’m pretty sure that’s a compliment. I’m a Libertarian but I don’t like to argue about politics. Inform yourself about the issues and THEN go and vote. I have zero tolerance for stupid voters…actually you can expand that to “stupid people.” I’m not sure about what religion is “right” but I know there is a Supreme Being. I don’t mind saying “I really don’t like Pat Robertson.” I don’t have any children and am amazed and impressed by those that do and do it well. We all make mistakes but it’s truly the way we ever learn.
So back to why I don’t date…..it has forced me to take a look at myself. I have learned and changed so much in the past three years I only wish I did it sooner….like maybe when I was ten but I was too involved in climbing trees and playing baseball.
I don’t date and I do it by choice. The last time I was on a date was October 23, 2011. The world is one big bowl of nuts and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m probably the walnut but I have figured out there are three types of women that I would avoid at all costs. In no particular order here are the signs:
YOU KNOW THE NAME OF AT LEAST ONE “REAL HOUSEWIFE”: There is nothing “real” about any of these whack jobs. Watching this show is like making a visit to the local mental ward to observe the patients to feel good about yourself. If ya wanna live in fantasy land then dress up like Captain America and go to a comic book convention.
YOU THINK FISH ARE PETS: Let me break the news to ya Moby Dick….anything you can eat is NOT a pet. Fish are a meal. Ya can’t train them and ya can’t pet them. If you actually believe that you are a pet owner because you have a tank on display in your den then ya might wanna consider cooking some pasta and weaving me a basket.
YOU HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS ON YOUR BED: Unless you work at the dime toss booth at the fair and your bedroom is a closet for the prizes you need to be on some sort of medication. You are an adult so start acting like one. Do ya scream for mommy when ya have a bad dream and still play with your Lite Brite when Amanda Bynes won’t answer your tweet? I hope not.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest….I’m going back to posting pictures on facebook of food I’m about to eat and writing various celebrities to ask for autographed pictures. THAT’S normal!