life

I haven’t posted since May.  A lot has happened since then.  Some good and some bad.  My heart went into Afib in flutter and I had an ablation in September.  I have dropped fifty pounds and have developed a healthy diet.  I still deal with heart and digestive issues.  I usually see a different doctor every week.  I feel like I am a full time patient but let’s be honest:  I lived life in the fast lane and there is a high probability that all of this was self inflicted.

I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect on who I am today and where I was in the past.  I moved fast.  I missed a lot.  I see it now and hope that it’s not too late.  I was caught up in things and situations that truly don’t matter.  The expensive jeans.  The VIP rooms.  The over the top dinners.  The list goes on.  You may feel important or satisfied at that moment but it’s only temporary.  In the end, there is no dinner, no rare bottle of wine or some flashy name brand that can provide you with what we should all truly be seeking:  a purpose.

I’m fifty five years old, an only child, divorced and no kids.  What is my purpose?  I’m not sure but I’m now motivated to find it.  Can you say the same?

shit

Something has happened to me within the past year……I just don’t give a shit anymore.  Now don’t assume that I don’t care because that is totally different.  I think the greatest strength one can have is to admit and address their greatest weakness.  Looking back at my mistakes in life (and I have made more than most people) I realize that the majority of them were made because I actually gave a shit about what people thought of me (that and too many shots).

When you give a shit you tend to get angry with people that don’t agree with you or question what you say.  Getting dropped as a friend on Facebook is a great example.  There are people out there that react to this action like a loved one was injured in a car crash.  Telemarketers are another great example.  I used to have a meltdown when they would call even though I registered on the “do not call list” (it’s run by our government so why would you expect it to be effective?).  I now look forward to these calls and using my creativity and mind to frustrate them to the point that they raise their voice and/or hang up.  Then I laugh like Vincent Price at the end of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

So what do I care about?  My mother, my faith in God, kindness, empathy, unselfishness, being polite, respecting your elders, TV and cold beer to name a few.  I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I don’t give a shit who ya vote for and I really don’t give a shit what ya made for dinner and posted on Facebook.  I used to have a terrible temper which leads to anger and usually then to yelling or screaming.  We all have done it but step back for a moment and think about when you witness others doing it.  It affects their credibility and even if they are correct they give the impression that they aren’t confident in their opinion.  If they did they would relish in the concept of getting others to, as my father used to say, scream and yell like a “raped ape.”

Now there are situations where you may not give a shit but they suddenly turn into a situation you care about.  A good example of this is those that text and drive.  If they happen to drive off a bridge, land in a canal and become an afternoon snack for an alligator I really don’t give a shit.  If they rear end an innocent party and that person ends up looking like they were arrested by the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Department then I care.

Life is a strange, unpredictable and a stressful journey.  What you think matters in the moment usually will not matter in the future.  Want to know what really puts everything in perspective?  Bury a parent, a child or anyone you love.  We all are here for a reason and it’s not to have a big house, expensive car, eat at a fancy restaurant or have a three hundred dollar purse (My wallet cost twenty bucks and I think I have six bucks in it and three quarters in my pants…….which I never wear at home).  There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming (think Crystal Pepsi).  People that say “I want you to be honest” really mean “I want you to agree with me.”  I have learned that those that say that to you actually are insecure of their own beliefs and abilities.   Feel free to disagree with me but just know that I really don’t give a shit.