Life

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2020 world

The re-opening of America has begun.  Fifty states….fifty governors…..fifty different ideas.  Some states will not be open until the end of June.  Some people wear masks.  Some people don’t.  We are not United….we have become the Divided States of America.

I’m gonna be fifty-six in a few weeks.  My habits and opinions have been formed and they are not gonna change.  I am in a high risk group and I don’t want to wear a mask.  I don’t like one way aisles in the grocery store.  I am anti-social by nature but I will never get used to social distancing.  I’m in my basement and I don’t really want to be a part of the world that awaits me outside of my home.

Sports have been cancelled.  The NFL season is in jeopardy.  There are rumors that the games will be played in empty stadiums.  I don’t want that.  I want the way it used to be.  I want it to be familiar to me.  I don’t want to adapt to the “new rules” and I won’t.  Some people will have a problem with what I say but a funny thing happened while I was getting older—suddenly we all don’t give a shit.  It’s refreshing.  All of a sudden you don’t have to keep track of all the lies you told to protect someone’s feelings.

I think this restart is gonna be a disaster.  No one is even close to being on the same page and everyone changes what they believe or what they want enforced on a daily basis.  I’m not sure what the future will bring so I am going back to what I know.  I am going back to what got me through fifty-five years on this earth.  I’m going back to the way I lived life in 2019.  Be safe friends.

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life

I think we all have been doing a lot of reflecting in the past few months.  I left radio in 2011 and have been battling various health issues ever since.  Radio was fun…..key word there is “WAS.”  I am not bitter.  I played the cards I was dealt but with hindsight being 20/20 I made a lot of bad decisions.

I am a creative person by nature.  I love to speak and write.  I don’t take orders very well….I prefer to give them.  I had this luxury in radio and as long as I was left alone by management I was happy and successful.  Radio forced me to move around a lot.  I am now back in Cleveland because of family and good health care.  My eighty year old mother lives in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, I am not married and don’t have any pets or children.  My quest is to move mom here.

If I had to do it all over again I would have stayed here in Northeast Ohio.  This is home.  I ran away from all my problems when I was eighteen and now I’m back to make the best of the time I have left.  I should have paid more attention in high school.  I have been making up for lost time by watching a lot of documentaries and reading…..it’s not the same.  I had the chance…..I blew it.

I would have made a great attorney.  I’m a perfectionist and a workaholic.  I like to argue when I am confident of my beliefs…..be forewarned….I am very confident.  Life is short and you have only one chance.  When my time on Earth is done I hope I have made up enough of my “wasted time” to go to the next level……after all….isn’t that truly our main purpose in this world?  Thanks for reading.

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life

I haven’t posted since May.  A lot has happened since then.  Some good and some bad.  My heart went into Afib in flutter and I had an ablation in September.  I have dropped fifty pounds and have developed a healthy diet.  I still deal with heart and digestive issues.  I usually see a different doctor every week.  I feel like I am a full time patient but let’s be honest:  I lived life in the fast lane and there is a high probability that all of this was self inflicted.

I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect on who I am today and where I was in the past.  I moved fast.  I missed a lot.  I see it now and hope that it’s not too late.  I was caught up in things and situations that truly don’t matter.  The expensive jeans.  The VIP rooms.  The over the top dinners.  The list goes on.  You may feel important or satisfied at that moment but it’s only temporary.  In the end, there is no dinner, no rare bottle of wine or some flashy name brand that can provide you with what we should all truly be seeking:  a purpose.

I’m fifty five years old, an only child, divorced and no kids.  What is my purpose?  I’m not sure but I’m now motivated to find it.  Can you say the same?

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512 x 512 fist

I quit taking prescribed xanax about thirty days ago.  My mind is focused and on fire.  I am blessed to see all that is wrong with this world and the future is bleak.  We are no longer a kind society.  Self entitlement and the “me first” attitude has taken root.  It is not too late to stop this serpent from continuing its devilish duty.  Censorship is all around us.  This site has been attacked by those that try to stifle my first amendment rights and do not want anyone to face the truth.  Our Constitution is under attack on a daily basis.  The left wants to increase Supreme Court Judges by tenfold and us to lower the voting age without bothering to address the ramifications by ignoring the Constitution.  This is a blatant attack on our forefathers.  So many people have adopted the “not my problem” attitude.  I disagree.  This is a moment of our battle cry.  This is a moment of stopping the evil.  This is a moment we cannot ignore.

My entire life I have been told to look the other way and to keep my mouth shut.  That time is over.  I will not sit by silently and let those with evil intentions to steamroll those that believe in respect and integrity and the American way.  Remember 911?  It was the last time this country was united.  We have become complacent once again.  We are a hanging fruit ready to be harvested.  More government is not the solution.  It is the source of the problem.  I believe in family and have strong faith in God.  I am not in this world to say what people want to hear.  I am blessed to be on this earth to stand up against sin and those that wish to spread evil.

It takes a small amount of effort to be kind.  Kindness does not recognize color or creed.  Be kind to your neighbor or stranger and witness how they are caught off guard by your generosity.  It’s further proof that what I say is true.  Together, with knowledge and prayer, we can make a difference.  I just hope it’s not too late.

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no governmentKnowledge is power.  The more you learn the more you can protect yourself.  With the 2020 election looming, there has never been a time where lack of knowledge is threatening your rights as a citizen of this great country.

When the government becomes involved it historically leads to failure.  Look at Medicare, Social Security and the IRS as examples.  Simply stated:  less government means more freedom.  The IRS is a joke.  They need to be eliminated and a flat tax installed.  The more cooks in the kitchen only leads to chaos and confusion.

Those that are put in a position of power more often than not will fall victim to greed and that leads to corruption.  We see it every day in politics, law enforcement, government and the list goes on.  We need to stand up and take responsibility for our rights and freedom.  People will take advantage of you based on the fact that you don’t understand your rights.  Case in point:  nothing good ever comes from certified mail.  Do not ever sign for this and be aware of your rights.  Companies are constantly trying to steal your personal information.  Use the internet to benefit yourself and be aware that those that are corrupt will attempt to use the internet against you.

Critics will say I live a life in paranoia.  I can only respond to that based upon personal experience.  I have been used, lied to and taken advantage of in the past.  Those scars only build my knowledge and ability to not repeat previous mistakes.  There is a reason I chose to distance myself from people and the general society; true friends that have your best interests in mind are rare and you need to keep those people close.  Quality always will win over quantity.  I firmly believe that when this journey of live is over we will be judged upon our actions and decisions.  Are you ready for that day?

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life

Life is strange…….at least mine is.  We all make mistakes but mistakes are how we learn.  I’ve made countless mistakes so I should be pretty smart but the only thing this proves is that I have a superfluous amount of mistakes yet to endure.   Having said this I thought I would share some of the lessons in life I have learned.

  • Never raise your voice to win an argument:  People that yell are frustrated and the secret to winning an argument is to frustrate your opponent into raising his/her voice.
  • Kindness cannot be taught you either practice it or just make the conscious decision to be an asshole.
  • Never date anyone that you meet at last call.
  • Money pays bills but it doesn’t create self-worth.
  • Experience a brush with death and you will figure out the meaning of life.
  • People will use the word “amazing” when it’s not truly “amazing.”
  • Drinking tequila leads to one of two things: getting into a fight or taking your clothes off.
  • People with a cross tattooed on their forehead do not work at NASA.
  • Never trust anyone that believes wrestling is real.
  • Whoever created bottled water or salad in a bag is a genius.

It took me many years to figure out these proverbs of wisdom.  I look forward to the mistakes I will make today to create my lessons of tomorrow.

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mothers day

So I sit here and ponder; if I was to explain what a “mother” is/was/will be to an alien, what would I say?  I have a gift from God of the ability to write or speak in a way that truly affects people.  I do not have the ability to describe what a mother truly does or is or what they eventually become.  Let me give this a try.

LIFE.  Your mother gave you LIFE.  She made sacrifices beyond belief during her pregnancy.  The sickness.  The pain.  The sleepless nights.  All of this with complete selfishness and her focus on the unknown.  She gave you life and then it comes with the sacrifice of herself.  She never puts herself in a position of importance again.  She will guide you, advise you, teach you, love you, hold you, and basically alter her life in a way that puts her in the trunk of the car.  I, being single and without kids, am in awe of this ultimate act of love and kindness.

SHE ALWAYS WORRIES.  I used to get shitty with my mom for her constant worry for worry really is the focus on negative energy but I now understand that worry is also a sign of love.  Embrace the worry for someday it will not be there until we meet again.

KNOWLEDGE.  I’m 51.  I think I know it all.  I talk to my mother and I always come away with something I didn’t know or realize.  I am not as smart as I think I am and you MUST listen to your mother at all times.  She truly knows the best.  It took me a looooooong time to realize this.

Grab and hold your mother tight today.  If your mother has passed…..relish in the fact that you WILL meet again.  Today is not “just another Sunday.”  Today is Mother’s Day.  It should be a 365 days a year.  Let me close by wishing all the Mom’s out there a wonderful and happy day.  You deserve this, earned this and are appreciated more than you will ever know.  I also must add the fact that I was blessed with the “Greatest Mom In the World.”  I know that those of you reading this will dispute that but that’s part of the wonder of this day.  Mom….thank you for giving me life and your ability to look through my faults and encourage me in my times of trouble.  Happy Mother’s Day to all.

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seond chanceI should be dead.   Let’s start there.  On September 21, 2015 I started to go downhill, healthwise, at a rapid pace.  I was coughing up blood and struggling to catch my breath.   It was late that Monday afternoon when I knew I had to call 911.  I didn’t have the strength to get off the couch and told the 911 operator that the paramedics would have to come through the window.  She stayed on the phone with me until they arrived.  The paramedics worked quickly to remove me from the house and our destination was Wellington Regional.  They were moving at the fastest pace possible so I knew this was serious.  This thought was supported even further when the one in the back of the emergency unit asked me “Why did you wait so long?”

I was unconscious by the time I reached the hospital so I had to fill in the blanks by questioning my doctors and medical staff.  I had pneumonia.  This caused a heart block.  My heart rate fell to 22.  My other organs were slowly shutting down.  My mother was contacted late that Monday evening and the doctors were honest with her;  They didn’t know if I would make it through the night.  I would remain unconscious, hooked to wires and machines, for the next six days.

I may be ridiculed, by some, for what I share with you next.  Let me preface what I am about to tell you by giving you a bit of background of my religious beliefs and upbringing.  I was raised Catholic.  I stopped going to church a long time ago.  I believed in a Supreme Being and an after-life.  I was never one to read the Bible or one to devote much of my time to prayer.  Now let me share with you what I learned.

There is a heaven.  I know because I was outside the doors.  I begged God for another chance;  for the ability to make a difference and use the talents He has given me.  I begged Him for forgiveness and promised that I would use a second chance to make a difference in my life and attempt to do the same in the lives of others.

When I finally regained consciousness I was told that I did actually “die and come back.”   My mother mentioned that when I was fighting to regain consciousness I kept saying “I’m sorry.  I am so sorry. Please give me another chance.”  Physically I was very sick but spiritually this was an awakening and something that has changed my life.

I learned the heart block caused damage to my heart and I would need a pacemaker.  On Monday September 29, 2015 I was transferred from Wellington Regional to JFK Medical Center, a hospital known for their cardiac care.   One week after my transfer and NUMEROUS tests, pills and pokes my permanent pacemaker was installed on Monday October 5, 2015.  Yesterday, October 6, 2015 I was finally discharged and returned home.

I am on the road to recovery.  I pop more pills on a daily basis than Keith Richards does.  I can’t drive for another two weeks and I follow up with two doctors next week.  I need to take and log my blood pressure and pulse on a daily basis.  Having been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder this is the least of my problems in fact I just did it five minutes ago and of course I logged all the numbers into my computer.   Yesterday was the first day since September 21st that I was on my feet and moving around for an extended period of time.   It’s both amazing and embarrassing at the things I took for granted. So many people showed concern for me and for that I am drastically humbled and forever grateful.  I have been given a second chance and I plan on delivering on my promise to make a difference.  We all face struggles on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others but I don’t think God gives us anything we can’t handle or is without reason and purpose.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I truly believe that what happened to me has a purpose.  You reading this blog entry is part of my spiritual mission.  Thank you for your time, concern, understanding and support.  Enjoy the rest of your day.