Posts Tagged ‘God’

512 x 512 fist

I quit taking prescribed xanax about thirty days ago.  My mind is focused and on fire.  I am blessed to see all that is wrong with this world and the future is bleak.  We are no longer a kind society.  Self entitlement and the “me first” attitude has taken root.  It is not too late to stop this serpent from continuing its devilish duty.  Censorship is all around us.  This site has been attacked by those that try to stifle my first amendment rights and do not want anyone to face the truth.  Our Constitution is under attack on a daily basis.  The left wants to increase Supreme Court Judges by tenfold and us to lower the voting age without bothering to address the ramifications by ignoring the Constitution.  This is a blatant attack on our forefathers.  So many people have adopted the “not my problem” attitude.  I disagree.  This is a moment of our battle cry.  This is a moment of stopping the evil.  This is a moment we cannot ignore.

My entire life I have been told to look the other way and to keep my mouth shut.  That time is over.  I will not sit by silently and let those with evil intentions to steamroll those that believe in respect and integrity and the American way.  Remember 911?  It was the last time this country was united.  We have become complacent once again.  We are a hanging fruit ready to be harvested.  More government is not the solution.  It is the source of the problem.  I believe in family and have strong faith in God.  I am not in this world to say what people want to hear.  I am blessed to be on this earth to stand up against sin and those that wish to spread evil.

It takes a small amount of effort to be kind.  Kindness does not recognize color or creed.  Be kind to your neighbor or stranger and witness how they are caught off guard by your generosity.  It’s further proof that what I say is true.  Together, with knowledge and prayer, we can make a difference.  I just hope it’s not too late.

your hired

I’m an odd duck.  I left the world of radio eight years ago and in that time I have become my own boss.  I have relocated to my hometown of Cleveland and live in my basement.  I have a wonderful bedroom upstairs that is for my mom when she visits.  I have not been in my loft.  I have three TV’s downstairs, a desk, a podcast studio, three computers and a notepad.  I ride a Harley.  I don’t have a vehicle.  I support Uber and rarely go out.  In the past I have been accused of being difficult and I chose today’s blog as an opportunity to examine and address that accusation.

First of all I think people quickly assume someone is difficult when they are a free thinker.  I will always tell you how I feel.  There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming.  I never criticize unless I have a solution.  Too many people in the position of authority are insecure in their own leadership abilities, or lack thereof, that they only want you to bow down and kiss the ring.  To work for this type of person is to forfeit your own integrity.  I want to work for one that will guide me and not order me.  The best managers hire people and let them grow.  They let you fail because you cannot enjoy success without tasting defeat.

Critics of me, and there are many, want to silence me.  I could have played the corporate game and amassed a tremendous amount of money.  My integrity is not for sale.  You can take all my material possessions but you cannot take my mind.  I am 54 years old and I make sure I learn something new each day.  I have learned that the circle of true friends that accept you for what are is surprisingly small.

A job does not love you or define who you are.  It’s just the way of paying the cable bill and mine is $140 a month.  Family is everything and I am lucky to be home and rediscovering mine.  It’s never to late to change.  Question everything that is told to you.  Be accountable for what you say and what you do.  Do not fear making mistakes.  If that makes me difficult then I proudly wear that crown.

512 x 512 fist

I don’t know where to begin.  It’s been a hell of a trip.  I have knocked on and have witnessed the devil’s door.  I am finally home in Cleveland after a long journey in radio that has taught me the lessons of life and what truly matters.  I was consumed with radio.  I gave it everything I had.  I learned that radio is probably like any other job.  It does not define you.  It does not love you back.  It will not be there when you are poor in health.  It is not your friend.

I am blessed that I have been given the ability to look inside myself and determine my weaknesses (there are many) and attempt to eradicate them from my being.  I owe that to those that have stood by me.  I owe that to God.  I’m not banging the bible but there is something more than this—-if you know of my coma of six days in September of 2015 then you know I was able to see the next level.  I don’t know if it was heaven.  I do know that there is more than this.

Moving from Florida was not easy after eighteen years.  I developed habits.  Most were not good but I got comfortable until I realized I needed to come home or die.  My mind has always been one of the gifts from God and it has been reborn.  Years of psychiatric care had me buried in a cloud of xanax.  A month ago I decided to stop taking this prescribed medication and I went through two weeks of hell.  What I have received in return was worth the pain, the sleepless nights, the fear, the sweating, the vomiting and the paranoia.

I have become kind of a recluse.  I think that’s natural as we grow older as our true friends eventually stand out.  I think that trust is something that is earned and not handed out.  I look back on my life and am aware that I was lost for quite some time but all I can fix is tomorrow.  So many people struggle each day, they take it hour by hour, they were high and now they are low, nothing is a assured, we have to have faith.

Thank you for reading this.  I hope I made some sort of connection with you by sharing my experiences in the past year.  Bottom line is we may disagree on  many things but we still are all together in this crazy journey of life.  I’ll hold the door open for you.  Please do the same for others.

cleveland

I always knew I was different.  When I was a teenager I was afraid to go to the counter at McDonalds and place an order for fear I would get it wrong or they would laugh at me.  Humor became the perfect mask.  If I could make people laugh they would not see my faults.  I fell in love with radio.  That “mystery man” behind the mic that would talk to me,  I wanted, and got, that life.  Although I was very successful I was running from an illness and eventually I crashed in February of 2011.

I have OCD, am bi-polar, suffer from depression and severe social anxiety disorder.  I have been in therapy for nine years and my doctor saved my life.  Depression is not just “being in a bad mood.”  It’s a feeling of all other options running out and desperation.  It makes suicide seem logical (as illogical as that may seem).  So how did I do my job, be successful at it, and hide it from everyone?  It started with alcohol.  It gave me the courage to walk in a room, size people up, and own it.  At an event I would continue to drink to feed the monster that wanted to come out.  When that wasn’t enough I turned to drugs.  Self medicating was the way I solved my problems before I found help.  I was never a druggie in high school or college or in my early adult life but I can honestly say I became an addict.  I have learned that addiction is a terrible disease and through the help of my therapist he has taught me how to control it and not let it control me.

I also found out that it’s okay to be scared.  I don’t have all the answers to the tribulations we face in life but in 2015 I was in a coma for six days because I almost let that monster inside of me win.  That was rock bottom for me.  For the past seven years I have concentrated on fixing myself.  For some reason God has let me survive to fulfill a specific mission that I have yet to discover.  I have been blessed to actually see what awaits us.  That first night in my coma the doctors were sure I would not see the morning.  I truly am someone that got a second chance and that, among other reasons, is why I have decided to go home to Cleveland.  It is my sincere hope that others that may have these feelings know they are not alone.  My mom says I tell everyone everything and have no filter.  She is correct but no one can appreciate the success without tasting the failure.  Every new day is a blessing and there is no guarantee.  Thank you for reading this and remember “never give up.”

life

 

I am ashamed.  I am weak.  I am an underachiever in life.  Let me explain and perhaps you can relate.  The other day I saw a motorcycle friend of mine and I was shocked to see him wheel towards me in a chair.  His leg was missing below the leg and all I could muster was “What the hell?”  I found out he was in an accident that was not his fault that caused him to be life flighted to a hospital where he was lucky to be alive but had to have his leg amputated at the knee.

Life can change in an instant.  I have a tendency to be a “woe is me” person and worry about things that don’t matter.   What blew me away was his attitude.  He wasn’t bitter.  He wasn’t angry.  He was positive.  His words to me were “I can’t wait to get my prosthetic leg so I can ride again.”  I was speechless.  If this was me I would be blaming the world and be bitter in life.  I don’t think he realized what an angel he was to me.  It was yet another wake up call to me that I constantly ignore.  Attitude is everything.  Life is short.  Make it count.  Thanks for reading.