2020

If you’re like me….you’re still in a bit of shock after watching Anderson Cooper trying to swat away a long, slender yellow balloon with his well manicured hands being covered by a pair of leather gloves.  I am strong.  I am a Patriot.  I will recover.  I will face the challenges of a New Year and I offer three things I encourage you to do in YOUR New Year.  I am not a smart man.  I am one who has failed many times.  It is from these failures that I offer the following advice:

TELL PEOPLE HOW YA FEEL AND NOT WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR  

Probably the best piece of advice I can give anyone.  We aren’t trying to win an election.  We aren’t trying to make friends.  We must embrace our feelings.  We must be honest.  It’s the ONLY way we can grow and learn.

SEE A PIECE OF SHIT IN THE ROAD…WALK AROUND IT AND NOT THROUGH IT 

My late grandfather Czekalinski actually gave me this advice one summer afternoon while we were in a canoe in Hinkley, Ohio fishing for catfish and bluegill.  We didn’t catch any fish but I did catch a golden piece of advice.  There is a reason shit stinks.  It’s to warn ya it’s coming so you can avoid it.  Life is shitty at times.  You’ll start to smell it coming.  Alter your path and stay away from the approaching smell.

WHEN IN DOUBT….ALWAYS GO FOR THE GIRL WITH THE PONYTAIL COMING OUT OF THE BACK OF HER BASEBALL HAT

There’s a reason these ladies are always with a man at the bar.  Simple supply and demand.  The demand is high…..supply is low.  See her out and alone don’t waste any time.  Don’t let her get away.  She truly is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Every day is a gift.  Every day is an opportunity.  We have a New Year.  We have a new beginning.  Will you join me this year in making it your mission to make it count?  Happy New Year my friends.

 

 

 

true meaning of christmas

As I write this it is the afternoon of Christmas Eve.  As a kid I loved this day.  Every Christmas Eve Mom, Dad and myself would go to to the Czekalinski home in Parma, Ohio.  It was always a lot of fun filled with Polish and Catholic tradition.  We would eat downstairs.  It was a “poor man’s meal.” Sole was the fish.  We ate on a huge table that was covered by a table cloth and underneath was a complete bale of straw spread out evenly.  At the end of the meal everyone reaches under the table cloth and pulls out a piece of straw.  If you had one with a lot of flowers on it, legend had it that you would enjoy the upcoming New Year.  Grandpa and Uncle Ralph now had a few glasses of wine in them and they started singing Christmas songs in Polish  My Aunt and Grandma just rolled their eyes and my Dad just shook his head and laughed.  Now it was time to go upstairs and open gifts!!!!  Finally….what Christmas is all about.

I was an only child and the first grandchild.  I was showered with gifts and it was never enough.  Surely there has to be MORE????  Well I was right with one exception.  It wouldn’t be found in a box with a bow on it.  Life moves fast my friends.  Life is always changing.  Mom and Dad got divorced when I was thirteen.  People took sides.  There was no more Christmas Eve at the Czekalinski’s.  Grandpa got cancer after that.  He suffered a lot and eventually died.  I grew to HATE Christmas.  It reminded me of how happy I used to be.  In my adult life I continued to look for that feeling I had every Christmas Eve.  I would just throw “money” at a bunch of gifts for people thinking that would at least bring THEM happiness.  I continued to be miserable.

I’m a Christian.  Make fun of me if ya want.  If you knew me, there are MANY things about me that you can ridicule.  I really don’t care.  Christmas is the birthday of a man that died for us so that we may experience eternal life.  I won’t bang the bible.  Anyone can do that.  It’s subjective.  You can pick and choose a quote to support any cause.  Try this.  Look around.  Nature is kind of a cool place.  Where did it all begin?  Some will say “The Big Bang Theory.”  Okay….I’ll give ya that.  Who made the big bang?

I’m just seeing this now.  I’m fifty-five years old and lived my life a hundred miles an hour with my hair on fire.  I have no idea why I am alive.  I was in a coma for five days in September of 2015 because I was doing bad things to numb myself.  This isn’t about me.  I only put myself into this story to show you it is never too late.  Christmas is the birthday of Jesus.  Jesus is not flash.  Jesus is all about faith.  What you do with my story is up to you.  Thanks for reading.  Merry Christmas.

guy laughing

I was telling my shrink the other day how the person I hate in life is the person I was ten years ago.  If you believe that way of thinking then you can speculate that I am really dealing with learning how to stop hating myself.  I also find it interesting to note that I have become the person I used to laugh at and make fun of.

I’m fifty-five years old.  I’m figuring out what truly matters in life.  I used to think it was $180 jeans and $80 t-shirts.  Now I get excited when I can find Greek yogurt on sale for eighty-eight cents.  Make fun of me but if I buy ten of them I’ll pocket a buck twenty and you can put that towards your White Claw your spending five bucks on at some shitty bar with a bunch of plastic people that think they’ll make money some day by being an Instagram model.  I cut my own hair.  I like sweat pants and t-shirts.  I don’t really shave but I do run some clippers over my face every few days.  I don’t like silence and have developed a sort of verbal tic where I grunt for seemingly no apparent reason.  Trust me.  People notice.  Based on their reaction I will assume it is of great concern to them.  I enjoy it because it creates distance.  I’m not a big fan of people being in my personal space.  If you made it this far in my post you either find it fascinating or perhaps you may be considering a restraining order.  Both are logical.

So laugh all ya want.  Just know that one day you’ll understand.  I just hope you can figure out your journey and purpose faster then me.

life

I haven’t posted since May.  A lot has happened since then.  Some good and some bad.  My heart went into Afib in flutter and I had an ablation in September.  I have dropped fifty pounds and have developed a healthy diet.  I still deal with heart and digestive issues.  I usually see a different doctor every week.  I feel like I am a full time patient but let’s be honest:  I lived life in the fast lane and there is a high probability that all of this was self inflicted.

I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect on who I am today and where I was in the past.  I moved fast.  I missed a lot.  I see it now and hope that it’s not too late.  I was caught up in things and situations that truly don’t matter.  The expensive jeans.  The VIP rooms.  The over the top dinners.  The list goes on.  You may feel important or satisfied at that moment but it’s only temporary.  In the end, there is no dinner, no rare bottle of wine or some flashy name brand that can provide you with what we should all truly be seeking:  a purpose.

I’m fifty five years old, an only child, divorced and no kids.  What is my purpose?  I’m not sure but I’m now motivated to find it.  Can you say the same?

512 x 512 fist

I quit taking prescribed xanax about thirty days ago.  My mind is focused and on fire.  I am blessed to see all that is wrong with this world and the future is bleak.  We are no longer a kind society.  Self entitlement and the “me first” attitude has taken root.  It is not too late to stop this serpent from continuing its devilish duty.  Censorship is all around us.  This site has been attacked by those that try to stifle my first amendment rights and do not want anyone to face the truth.  Our Constitution is under attack on a daily basis.  The left wants to increase Supreme Court Judges by tenfold and us to lower the voting age without bothering to address the ramifications by ignoring the Constitution.  This is a blatant attack on our forefathers.  So many people have adopted the “not my problem” attitude.  I disagree.  This is a moment of our battle cry.  This is a moment of stopping the evil.  This is a moment we cannot ignore.

My entire life I have been told to look the other way and to keep my mouth shut.  That time is over.  I will not sit by silently and let those with evil intentions to steamroll those that believe in respect and integrity and the American way.  Remember 911?  It was the last time this country was united.  We have become complacent once again.  We are a hanging fruit ready to be harvested.  More government is not the solution.  It is the source of the problem.  I believe in family and have strong faith in God.  I am not in this world to say what people want to hear.  I am blessed to be on this earth to stand up against sin and those that wish to spread evil.

It takes a small amount of effort to be kind.  Kindness does not recognize color or creed.  Be kind to your neighbor or stranger and witness how they are caught off guard by your generosity.  It’s further proof that what I say is true.  Together, with knowledge and prayer, we can make a difference.  I just hope it’s not too late.

your hired

I’m an odd duck.  I left the world of radio eight years ago and in that time I have become my own boss.  I have relocated to my hometown of Cleveland and live in my basement.  I have a wonderful bedroom upstairs that is for my mom when she visits.  I have not been in my loft.  I have three TV’s downstairs, a desk, a podcast studio, three computers and a notepad.  I ride a Harley.  I don’t have a vehicle.  I support Uber and rarely go out.  In the past I have been accused of being difficult and I chose today’s blog as an opportunity to examine and address that accusation.

First of all I think people quickly assume someone is difficult when they are a free thinker.  I will always tell you how I feel.  There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming.  I never criticize unless I have a solution.  Too many people in the position of authority are insecure in their own leadership abilities, or lack thereof, that they only want you to bow down and kiss the ring.  To work for this type of person is to forfeit your own integrity.  I want to work for one that will guide me and not order me.  The best managers hire people and let them grow.  They let you fail because you cannot enjoy success without tasting defeat.

Critics of me, and there are many, want to silence me.  I could have played the corporate game and amassed a tremendous amount of money.  My integrity is not for sale.  You can take all my material possessions but you cannot take my mind.  I am 54 years old and I make sure I learn something new each day.  I have learned that the circle of true friends that accept you for what are is surprisingly small.

A job does not love you or define who you are.  It’s just the way of paying the cable bill and mine is $140 a month.  Family is everything and I am lucky to be home and rediscovering mine.  It’s never to late to change.  Question everything that is told to you.  Be accountable for what you say and what you do.  Do not fear making mistakes.  If that makes me difficult then I proudly wear that crown.

512 x 512 fist

I don’t know where to begin.  It’s been a hell of a trip.  I have knocked on and have witnessed the devil’s door.  I am finally home in Cleveland after a long journey in radio that has taught me the lessons of life and what truly matters.  I was consumed with radio.  I gave it everything I had.  I learned that radio is probably like any other job.  It does not define you.  It does not love you back.  It will not be there when you are poor in health.  It is not your friend.

I am blessed that I have been given the ability to look inside myself and determine my weaknesses (there are many) and attempt to eradicate them from my being.  I owe that to those that have stood by me.  I owe that to God.  I’m not banging the bible but there is something more than this—-if you know of my coma of six days in September of 2015 then you know I was able to see the next level.  I don’t know if it was heaven.  I do know that there is more than this.

Moving from Florida was not easy after eighteen years.  I developed habits.  Most were not good but I got comfortable until I realized I needed to come home or die.  My mind has always been one of the gifts from God and it has been reborn.  Years of psychiatric care had me buried in a cloud of xanax.  A month ago I decided to stop taking this prescribed medication and I went through two weeks of hell.  What I have received in return was worth the pain, the sleepless nights, the fear, the sweating, the vomiting and the paranoia.

I have become kind of a recluse.  I think that’s natural as we grow older as our true friends eventually stand out.  I think that trust is something that is earned and not handed out.  I look back on my life and am aware that I was lost for quite some time but all I can fix is tomorrow.  So many people struggle each day, they take it hour by hour, they were high and now they are low, nothing is a assured, we have to have faith.

Thank you for reading this.  I hope I made some sort of connection with you by sharing my experiences in the past year.  Bottom line is we may disagree on  many things but we still are all together in this crazy journey of life.  I’ll hold the door open for you.  Please do the same for others.

cleveland

I always knew I was different.  When I was a teenager I was afraid to go to the counter at McDonalds and place an order for fear I would get it wrong or they would laugh at me.  Humor became the perfect mask.  If I could make people laugh they would not see my faults.  I fell in love with radio.  That “mystery man” behind the mic that would talk to me,  I wanted, and got, that life.  Although I was very successful I was running from an illness and eventually I crashed in February of 2011.

I have OCD, am bi-polar, suffer from depression and severe social anxiety disorder.  I have been in therapy for nine years and my doctor saved my life.  Depression is not just “being in a bad mood.”  It’s a feeling of all other options running out and desperation.  It makes suicide seem logical (as illogical as that may seem).  So how did I do my job, be successful at it, and hide it from everyone?  It started with alcohol.  It gave me the courage to walk in a room, size people up, and own it.  At an event I would continue to drink to feed the monster that wanted to come out.  When that wasn’t enough I turned to drugs.  Self medicating was the way I solved my problems before I found help.  I was never a druggie in high school or college or in my early adult life but I can honestly say I became an addict.  I have learned that addiction is a terrible disease and through the help of my therapist he has taught me how to control it and not let it control me.

I also found out that it’s okay to be scared.  I don’t have all the answers to the tribulations we face in life but in 2015 I was in a coma for six days because I almost let that monster inside of me win.  That was rock bottom for me.  For the past seven years I have concentrated on fixing myself.  For some reason God has let me survive to fulfill a specific mission that I have yet to discover.  I have been blessed to actually see what awaits us.  That first night in my coma the doctors were sure I would not see the morning.  I truly am someone that got a second chance and that, among other reasons, is why I have decided to go home to Cleveland.  It is my sincere hope that others that may have these feelings know they are not alone.  My mom says I tell everyone everything and have no filter.  She is correct but no one can appreciate the success without tasting the failure.  Every new day is a blessing and there is no guarantee.  Thank you for reading this and remember “never give up.”

life

 

I am ashamed.  I am weak.  I am an underachiever in life.  Let me explain and perhaps you can relate.  The other day I saw a motorcycle friend of mine and I was shocked to see him wheel towards me in a chair.  His leg was missing below the leg and all I could muster was “What the hell?”  I found out he was in an accident that was not his fault that caused him to be life flighted to a hospital where he was lucky to be alive but had to have his leg amputated at the knee.

Life can change in an instant.  I have a tendency to be a “woe is me” person and worry about things that don’t matter.   What blew me away was his attitude.  He wasn’t bitter.  He wasn’t angry.  He was positive.  His words to me were “I can’t wait to get my prosthetic leg so I can ride again.”  I was speechless.  If this was me I would be blaming the world and be bitter in life.  I don’t think he realized what an angel he was to me.  It was yet another wake up call to me that I constantly ignore.  Attitude is everything.  Life is short.  Make it count.  Thanks for reading.