DANNY CZEKALINSKI

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If schools follow the example being set in the United Kingdom soon it will be wrong to raise your hand in the classroom.  The thought process here is it will create a calmer classroom. Instead of hand-raising, students are encouraged to show a “thumbs-up” with one hand and cup it with the other.   I don’t know what happens in the United Kingdom but hand raising never made me nervous.  I used to sit in class and have the school bully, reeking of Marlboro smoke at the age of thirteen, whisper in my ear that in less than two hours he was gonna knock my teeth out.  Raising my hand was the only way I could summon the attention of the teacher so she could notify my mother to take the afternoon off from work so I could have my face stitched back together.

Can we even get through our day as an adult without raising our hand?  Try getting the attention of a cabbie in New York by giving him the “thumbs up.”   My luck he’d be nearsighted, think I just flipped him off, pull his cab to the curb and knock my teeth out all because I was trying to create a “calmer environment.”

Heaven forbid you’re ever in a situation involving a firearm and an attempted robbery.  Chances are the bad man with the gun is gonna want you to put your hands up.  Imagine if you ignored his suggestion because you wanted to defuse the situation by creating a “calmer environment” and ya cupped one hand giving the thumbs up.  Your Island of Zen will instantly turn into a CSI opening.  Cut to David Caruso standing over your corpse saying  “Now it’s time for us to give HIM a hand.”  Sunglasses on…cue Who song.

People need to stop focusing on such trivial things because before ya know it there will be lawsuits to ban the Pledge of Allegiance.    🙂

 

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Hank Williams Junior is being punished for being honest.  As children we were always taught “honesty is the best policy” but now you should probably add “unless you are talking to the media.”  ESPN has decided to pull the Monday Night Football theme song that Williams has performed at the beginning of the telecast since 1991 because he compared our President to Hitler.   Yes Hank Williams Jr. is being punished for speaking his mind. 

Take a look at Hank.  I know.  We are doing a bit of profiling here but let’s be freaking honest!   I see beer, trucks, barbed-wire fence, bonfire, guns, girls in Daisy Dukes…is thyat enough for ya?   Does Hank look like a guy that’s gonna support ANY Democrat?   Let’s talk about what Hank DIDN’T say.  He never said the President was a dictator.  He never said the President was responsible for the deaths of innocent people.  He made a COMPARISON of the President and Speaker of the House John Bohener playing golf being like “Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.”  That’s ALL he said.  It was a brain fart.  It was a mistake but it wasn’t malicious.  If you are EVER in front of a TV camera NEVER mention Hitler.  There’s a reason there isn’t a Hitler comic book or Halloween costume.

So we don’t like what people say and respond by banning things they have done?  We punish people for the right that others have fought to protect?  We are going backwards instead of forwards.  I wish America had the passion for politics of Hank Williams Jr.  I would feel confident that everyone casting a vote really understood the candidates and the issues.  Did I also mention that Hank Williams Jr. has since apologized for what he said?  Click HERE  Johnny Depp compared having his picture taken with being raped!  I find that comparison to be much more offensive than what Hank Williams Jr. said but I’m not gonna stop seeing his films until his films start to suck. 

People are becoming afraid of speaking what they think.  We are taking away our OWN freedom of speech.   Just like you never should be afraid of failure you should never be afraid of speaking your mind.  Now if you’ll excuse me…I have a tee time with Mussolini.

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An ice cream shop in Ocala, FL has been accused of racism because some believe a guy standing by the street dressed as an ice cream cone resembles a Klan member.  Read story HERE.  Sadly racism still exists in this country but is this really the face and outfit that touts white supremacy?

I have never attended a Klan rally and that’s something that isn’t on my bucket list but I think I can safely say that this man is not promoting a cross burning.  Looking at the picture I would say this is a man trying to make a few bucks dressed as a sugar cone.  Based on the waist-line of Al Sharpton I think its safe to assume he and other civil rights activists support the consumption of sugar cones on a regular basis.  So where is the controversy???

Is it in the promotion of selecting “vanilla” as a flavor of choice? I think we are on to something.   Adding a few sprinkles to the top of a vanilla cone does not make it multi-cultural so surely you understand the outrage.  I’m a chocolate guy.  I’m also a man of conviction.  I don’t care if a man stands on a street corner dressed as a Grand Wizard with sprinkles on his head I will not be intimidated to order a vanilla cone.  I like chocolate and nothing is gonna make me change my order in the custard line!  We must stop this ridiculous mind-set that all people must order vanilla.  Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry…it doesn’t matter.  No matter what the color it’s all the same on the inside.  It’s still ICE CREAM!!!

I have to go.  I think the “Hamburglar” is in my driveway trying to hot-wire my car.

 

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Have ya heard that the sky is REALLY falling?  Within the next 24 hours twenty-six pieces of space junk will fall to earth.  Space junk?  Sounds like something an astronaut would pull out of his suit after too many patrons.  NASA tells us that the chance of any one person getting hit with debris is 1 in 3,200.  The heaviest piece of debris will weigh 348 pounds.  I’m not sure how YOUR luck in life has been but after reading this I am fully expecting  to get crushed by the weight of an NFL lineman within the next day.

So ya get pummelled by a piece of space junk.  What is your next move?  This is America so we sue.  Who ya gonna sue the government?  The government is broke and in huge debt so even if ya win your case you’re not gonna collect.   Our government only has disposable cash for foreign interests.  With these obstacles in mind I have come up with a solution my friends!!!!

 Befriend an illegal alien and make sure they don’t leave your side for the next 24 hours.  You can usually find one in the parking lot of a Home Depot in the early morning hours or reporting for housekeeping duties at the home of one of our elected officials.  Stay close to him or her as some of these pieces of space junk are small enough that they will only take out one person.  I plan on carrying mine on my back like a pappoose.  It may be difficult to manuever for a day but  that’s the price you have to pay to protect your rights as an American.  If by chance you and Jose get wiped out by some space junk then your family will be sure to collect because you were collateral damage in our inadvertent attack on a foreign country.

Ya gotta be thinking in today’s world.  Now to put on my football helmet and go for a run!!!

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Last Thursday I had a date with a man.  I didn’t know what he would look like but I was sooooo excited for his arrival.  I didn’t care that there were other people he needed to satisfy before me.  He wasn’t even able to give me an exact time when he would see me.  I was told he would be at my house between 2PM and 5PM.  That was good enough for me.  I had a date with……..THE CABLE GUY!!!!

At 1:45PM I started to get nervous.  “He’ll be here soon,” I thought to myself.  He was to install high-speed internet so I cleaned my office and made my bed.  I took a quick shower and sat down in front of the TV to pass the time.  Every fifteen minutes I would get up, go to the window, part the blinds and look down the street to see if he was about to turn into my driveway.  Nothing. 4PM shows up.  No cable guy.  I didn’t want to call the company and look desperate but this is rude.  How about a call saying you are running late???

At exactly 4:57PM the doorbell rang.  It was him.  He was here for me.  FINALLY.  I opened the door and let him in.  I was a little upset with him showing up at the last-minute so I was less than cordial.  I sat on the couch while he did his thing.  Fifteen minutes later he was gone.  No handshake.  No plans to get together again.  No promise to call.  No champagne.  No caviar.  I didn’t care.  He used me and I used him.  I had high-speed internet.  I was satisfied.

Then I got to thinking:  “What if my cable guy was Ray-J?”  I could have been a Kardashian!!!  Then I thought of what Kim had to do to be famous and I was just happy being on YouTube!!

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Last week we all had a good laugh when we found out that White House gate crasher/reality star Michaele Salahi left her husband for Neal Schon, lead guitarist of Journey.  I gotta tell ya….this can happen to ANYONE! 

It’s 1989 and I’m a hot rocking, flame throwing night-time DJ in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  I was dating this girl for a few weeks and I was going to impress her by taking her BACKSTAGE at the RATT/Cinderella concert.  I know ladies….how could this NOT be anything BUT impressive.  So….concert ends…we’re backstage…the bands are there…I am very impressed with how impressed my date, Dawn D., must be with me.  I AM  Danny Impressive.  All hail ME!!!!!  It’s now time to leave as the stage is being broken down so I look to find my date.  Hmmmmmmm.  No sign of Dawn.  I corner a stage guy and asked if he saw the girl I was with.  He said  “Oh yeah…she and Freddy really hit it off..she left with him.”

LET ME CLARIFY THIS:  Freddy is Fred Coury the drummer for Cinderella.  He doesn’t commute.  He is a drummer in  a rock band that is on tour so basically my date dumped me and went on the road with Cinderella.  As I drove home……alone….I told myself, “She’s in for a load of heart ache and STD’s.  She’ll be sorry one day.”  Years later I found out that my “date” ended up MARRYING Fred Coury and they have two great looking kids. 

I learned a couple of things about myself that night in Grand Rapids.  Number One:  Stop trying to impress everyone and be yourself.  Number Two:  Never take a date backstage.

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Tom Brady is the quarterback for the New England Patriots.  Last night he threw for a franchise record 517 yards.  He has won three Super Bowls.  He makes about $18 million a year.  He is married to Gisele Bunchen.  She is one of the most beautiful models in the world.  She makes more money than Tom.  You’d have to be a blind homophobe NOT to admit that Tom is also a very good-looking man.   Cliff note version:  Tom is a multi-millionaire that is one of the best football players of all time and he wakes up next to a naked super-model.  My mother would say “He has the same problems that you do.”  Hello Mom???  Mom are you listening???  HE DOES NOT!  Life isn’t fair.  Tom is having a great string of luck that has lasted…hmmm….let me see…oh yeah….HIS ENTIRE LIFETIME!!!

Everybody has a bad day at some point.  I’m sure Tom does as well.  Perhaps the Bentley won’t start and he will be forced to drive the Porsche.  Maybe he left his black American Express card in his other three thousand dollar Italian suit and he was forced to use his Citibank card.  Perhaps his servants can’t make it to one of his mansions because of a huge winter snowstorm and Tom has to empty the dishwasher HIMSELF.   Perhaps his nude super-model wife will one day wake up with…..A PIMPLE!!!   You’re right mom….I’m feeling MUCH better now.  🙂

 

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I hate to waste time and I love social media.  Talk about two worlds colliding.  I try to post things that will be of interest to others or something that will spark a compelling thread.  Having said that I would like to address three issues:

1)  I DON’T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GAMES:  Just because you are successful in Farmville doesn’t mean you can relocate to the midwest and grow wheat for a living.  I don’t care if your black cow ran away because guess what…YOU DON’T HAVE A BLACK COW!!!  You’re not in the mafia either so don’t invite me to this so-called “war” you think you’re involved in.

2)  THE PEOPLE LISTED TO THE LEFT ARE JUST FRIENDS:  Don’t tell me we are all in a strip bar or on a school bus or going on a road trip and I have to match up the random friend with something they are supposedly doing.  If I want to think about something that will NEVER happen let me wonder about winning the lottery.

3)  A SONG IS A SONG ITS NOT YOUR STATUS!  I hate when I’m watching my news feed and someone posts “Do you like sugar?  One lump or two?  Did I miss my name getting called for karaoke?  Am I supposed to be onstage singing a Def Leppard song?  The answer is “no” and “no.”  Posting song lyrics as your status tells me this: “You’re a loser baby…..”

I’m glad I got that off my chest.  Time to be productive with the rest of my day.  I’m gonna grab my iPhone and play Words With Friends.  Have a great weekend!

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See this kid to the left?  Ya don’t wanna be him.  He’s a weatherman in Arkansas that had an unfortunate evening.  His night ended in the following headline:  “Weatherman Found in Hot Tub With Dead Man Wearing Dog Collar.”   I’m not kidding.  CLICK HERE  Oh, by the way…..his last name is Cummins.

As the media spokesperson for this TV station you have a LOT to deal with:  a) Employee sleeping nude with dead guy  b) Hot Tub  c) and the “caveat”…..the DOG COLLAR!  Ya gotta have balls of steel.  This is America.  Give the stupid people some sort of answer and they’ll change the topic at the dinner table to “Why ‘All In The Family’ would never make it past censors today!”

Here’s my spin:  Mr. Cummins is very distraught about the accidental drowning of his unnamed friend that was obviously a dog lover.  Mr. Cummins, a nudist, an avid swimmer, and a sufferer from the sudden onset of narcolepsy is not available yet for comment as he is at city hall changing his last name to “Luvtitz.”  What’s yours????