I turned 50 this week…only child…Dad died at 57…Mom still kicking it at 74 here with me in West Palm. I had a dream job in sports talk radio yanked from me this past week and I have just about blown through my life time savings. I haven’t worked in three years and four months because I believe in entertaining people on the radio, creating reaction, letting people vent, I want to hear their opinion, I want to learn but those opportunities are few and far between. If you are one of those people who believe music belongs on the radio I respectfully say to you “Hey dumb ass…you have a phone…you have all your favorite songs…get the kid with acne at AT & T to show ya how to put your ear buds in.”
I’m not bitter or angry…I’m confused. I am not a dummy. I’m not saying that because I’m full of myself I say that because I know that I am smart. I’m not trying to be a dick…I just happen to be smart. I say what people think. I’m honest. I tell the truth. I don’t hide from my past because it has taught me great lessons in life. I’m far from perfect but if anyone ever tells you “There are no bad ideas in brainstorming,” tell them this: “You’re full of shit.” There ARE bad ideas…that’s okay..not every hit has to be a home run….but don’t sit there and worry that someone’s “feelings” might be hurt. We are all in this together no matter what the cause. Will someone have the stones to stand up and say “Hey Ted..shitty idea.” I say stupid things and come up with dumb ass ideas all the time. We MUST fail in order to succeed.
Having my dream job slip away could have been the knock out punch….probably should have been…but I look at it this way…they didn’t deserve me. People SAY they wanna hear the truth right up until you give them the truth. They want you to kiss the ring…go with the plan…and be supportive when we have a team building seminar. What does squeezing a fucking balloon filled with sand have to do with making money? Here’s my seminar: “Work your ass off, offer ANY idea and/or suggestion or grab your iPad and get out of the office…..and post a selfie on the way out”
So here I sit..50 and 3 days…searching for my purpose. Last week, for the first time in 27 years I went to a church and asked to speak to a priest. I asked him not to quote scripture or try to recruit me back into the pews and he was very respectful of my wishes. I asked him the same question I still ponder “What is my purpose (BTW..not married…no kids either) and his response still chills me; “Look for your beginning….look for your roots. They are there…but you must notice them.” For some reason I made a connection with this man and just started to cry. Me…who rode the Harley there and covered my tattoo of a skull giving the finger with the lettering “Judge This” out of respect…was weeping in front of someone I had known for 20 minutes.
I want to make a difference in this world. Even though I truly am “lost” I feel that I am closer to finding my “roots” and “beginning” than ever before. I think we all at least should make the effort but if it involves squeezing a balloon filled with sand….I’d rather sell AMC Pacers in a used car lot.