I am not an attractive man. I have a great mind and sense of humor but that’s where it all ends. I will never be on the cover of Men’s Health. Having said that I have been very lucky with dating many attractive and intelligent women…..I have also made some terrible decisions….but I put myself in those situations.
Let me share with you the magical evening I was hit on by another man. I was at my typical dive bar near my house filled with drug dealers and hookers. They used to have illegal slot machines in there that paid off in cash. I got to know the regulars. I became a regular….again not my best moment. I got to know this black guy that would work at Red Lobster and then ride his bike to the bar and have a few drinks. He was openly gay but if ya know me….ya know I only care about good and bad.
One night I sat down at the bar next to my gay black friend. Conversation seemed normal but then he said something that I was not prepared for. First of all ya gotta understand my physical make up. I am 6’3 290 pounds and I usually wear a Harley bandana, sunglasses and a vest without sleeves. It’s not, by any means, a pretty sight. My young, black, gay friend stares at the top of the bar and remarks “You have great hands.” I was stunned. I thought I was hearing things. My mind was able to tell my soul that he wanted to stick his fine ebony tool in something of my person. My brain just short wired. I looked at him, still caught of guard and only was able to mutter, “Thanks!”
Thanks????? What the hell was that? I’m a smart guy that always is on alert to anything and anyone and I just had a man hit on me for the first time in my life and all I could say was “Thanks?” You say that to someone who holds the door open at the 7-11 on a Saturday morning while customers are lined up to buy lotto tickets and vapes.
I then excused myself and went to the jukebox. I played Ga Ga’s “Born This Way” and we danced to last call drinking Pina Colodas and planning a weekend trip to a Ricky Martin concert. Eighty percent of this story is true. If you knew me in West Palm then it should be easy to figure out. Thanks for reading my friends.
I am ashamed. I am weak. I am an underachiever in life. Let me explain and perhaps you can relate. The other day I saw a motorcycle friend of mine and I was shocked to see him wheel towards me in a chair. His leg was missing below the leg and all I could muster was “What the hell?” I found out he was in an accident that was not his fault that caused him to be life flighted to a hospital where he was lucky to be alive but had to have his leg amputated at the knee.
Life can change in an instant. I have a tendency to be a “woe is me” person and worry about things that don’t matter. What blew me away was his attitude. He wasn’t bitter. He wasn’t angry. He was positive. His words to me were “I can’t wait to get my prosthetic leg so I can ride again.” I was speechless. If this was me I would be blaming the world and be bitter in life. I don’t think he realized what an angel he was to me. It was yet another wake up call to me that I constantly ignore. Attitude is everything. Life is short. Make it count. Thanks for reading.
I turned 50 this week…only child…Dad died at 57…Mom still kicking it at 74 here with me in West Palm. I had a dream job in sports talk radio yanked from me this past week and I have just about blown through my life time savings. I haven’t worked in three years and four months because I believe in entertaining people on the radio, creating reaction, letting people vent, I want to hear their opinion, I want to learn but those opportunities are few and far between. If you are one of those people who believe music belongs on the radio I respectfully say to you “Hey dumb ass…you have a phone…you have all your favorite songs…get the kid with acne at AT & T to show ya how to put your ear buds in.”
I’m not bitter or angry…I’m confused. I am not a dummy. I’m not saying that because I’m full of myself I say that because I know that I am smart. I’m not trying to be a dick…I just happen to be smart. I say what people think. I’m honest. I tell the truth. I don’t hide from my past because it has taught me great lessons in life. I’m far from perfect but if anyone ever tells you “There are no bad ideas in brainstorming,” tell them this: “You’re full of shit.” There ARE bad ideas…that’s okay..not every hit has to be a home run….but don’t sit there and worry that someone’s “feelings” might be hurt. We are all in this together no matter what the cause. Will someone have the stones to stand up and say “Hey Ted..shitty idea.” I say stupid things and come up with dumb ass ideas all the time. We MUST fail in order to succeed.
Having my dream job slip away could have been the knock out punch….probably should have been…but I look at it this way…they didn’t deserve me. People SAY they wanna hear the truth right up until you give them the truth. They want you to kiss the ring…go with the plan…and be supportive when we have a team building seminar. What does squeezing a fucking balloon filled with sand have to do with making money? Here’s my seminar: “Work your ass off, offer ANY idea and/or suggestion or grab your iPad and get out of the office…..and post a selfie on the way out”
So here I sit..50 and 3 days…searching for my purpose. Last week, for the first time in 27 years I went to a church and asked to speak to a priest. I asked him not to quote scripture or try to recruit me back into the pews and he was very respectful of my wishes. I asked him the same question I still ponder “What is my purpose (BTW..not married…no kids either) and his response still chills me; “Look for your beginning….look for your roots. They are there…but you must notice them.” For some reason I made a connection with this man and just started to cry. Me…who rode the Harley there and covered my tattoo of a skull giving the finger with the lettering “Judge This” out of respect…was weeping in front of someone I had known for 20 minutes.
I want to make a difference in this world. Even though I truly am “lost” I feel that I am closer to finding my “roots” and “beginning” than ever before. I think we all at least should make the effort but if it involves squeezing a balloon filled with sand….I’d rather sell AMC Pacers in a used car lot.