Something weird going on in that Mystery Machine van in the cartoon series Scooby-Doo.  If that were a real van with real people they’d be spending some serious time in a rubber room with Amanda Bynes weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti.

By my observations we have two occupants that practice an alternative lifestyle.  First on my list is Fred although I think he’s in the closet but that Ascot isn’t fooling anyone.  When’s the last time you saw a guy in an Ascot that didn’t enjoy a good rave, an art show, small portions of food and would dance with their hands above their head.  Throw in the fact that he hasn’t ever tried to cop a feel off Daphne and I’m gonna lay my card on the “gayness” pile.

Velma pretty much is a given.  I see how she looks at Daphne although Daphne is just too lipstick for her.  Ya just know if the Scooby Doo kids ever had to play the Harlem Globetrotters in a game of softball, Velma would be the star.  I also heard she drives a Subaru outside of the van and if ya look closely when they are being chased by ghosts you can see a pair of Birkenstocks on her feet.

Daphne has to be a major high maintenance headache.  I think the only reason she stays on the show is her thinking this will lead to a role on “The Real Housewives.”  Ya know when they are on a road trip all she does is thumb down pages in the Nordstrom catalogue and keep whining about stopping for sushi.

Finally there is Shaggy and Scooby.  We know Shaggy always stays in the back of the van so he can keep puffing on that one hitter and pilfer Scooby’s Scooby Snacks.  I bet the only thing ya find in his pants pocket is a pack of Zig-Zags and a hackey sack.  Scooby?  The freaking dog talks and everyone is just fine with that.  Pull over that Peter Max mobile and google directions to New York City because I guarantee you’re gonna win “Stupid Pet Tricks” on Lettermen when Scooby recites the Gettysburg Address.

Now don’t get me started on Magilla Gorilla……

 

Danny Czekalinski does a live weekly internet radio show at mysourceradio.com   Archives of the show can be heard HERE