I am not an attractive man. I have a great mind and sense of humor but that’s where it all ends. I will never be on the cover of Men’s Health. Having said that I have been very lucky with dating many attractive and intelligent women…..I have also made some terrible decisions….but I put myself in those situations.
Let me share with you the magical evening I was hit on by another man. I was at my typical dive bar near my house filled with drug dealers and hookers. They used to have illegal slot machines in there that paid off in cash. I got to know the regulars. I became a regular….again not my best moment. I got to know this black guy that would work at Red Lobster and then ride his bike to the bar and have a few drinks. He was openly gay but if ya know me….ya know I only care about good and bad.
One night I sat down at the bar next to my gay black friend. Conversation seemed normal but then he said something that I was not prepared for. First of all ya gotta understand my physical make up. I am 6’3 290 pounds and I usually wear a Harley bandana, sunglasses and a vest without sleeves. It’s not, by any means, a pretty sight. My young, black, gay friend stares at the top of the bar and remarks “You have great hands.” I was stunned. I thought I was hearing things. My mind was able to tell my soul that he wanted to stick his fine ebony tool in something of my person. My brain just short wired. I looked at him, still caught of guard and only was able to mutter, “Thanks!”
Thanks????? What the hell was that? I’m a smart guy that always is on alert to anything and anyone and I just had a man hit on me for the first time in my life and all I could say was “Thanks?” You say that to someone who holds the door open at the 7-11 on a Saturday morning while customers are lined up to buy lotto tickets and vapes.
I then excused myself and went to the jukebox. I played Ga Ga’s “Born This Way” and we danced to last call drinking Pina Colodas and planning a weekend trip to a Ricky Martin concert. Eighty percent of this story is true. If you knew me in West Palm then it should be easy to figure out. Thanks for reading my friends.
Danny lets it all out this time. He starts with a child’s book that he received from an ex that has finally impacted his life. What is Ellen thinking? What does she really fear? Political correctness has already affected Halloween. The need to arm yourselves now more than ever to protect your family. Just another day in DANNYLAND!!
Something weird going on in that Mystery Machine van in the cartoon series Scooby-Doo. If that were a real van with real people they’d be spending some serious time in a rubber room with Amanda Bynes weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti.
By my observations we have two occupants that practice an alternative lifestyle. First on my list is Fred although I think he’s in the closet but that Ascot isn’t fooling anyone. When’s the last time you saw a guy in an Ascot that didn’t enjoy a good rave, an art show, small portions of food and would dance with their hands above their head. Throw in the fact that he hasn’t ever tried to cop a feel off Daphne and I’m gonna lay my card on the “gayness” pile.
Velma pretty much is a given. I see how she looks at Daphne although Daphne is just too lipstick for her. Ya just know if the Scooby Doo kids ever had to play the Harlem Globetrotters in a game of softball, Velma would be the star. I also heard she drives a Subaru outside of the van and if ya look closely when they are being chased by ghosts you can see a pair of Birkenstocks on her feet.
Daphne has to be a major high maintenance headache. I think the only reason she stays on the show is her thinking this will lead to a role on “The Real Housewives.” Ya know when they are on a road trip all she does is thumb down pages in the Nordstrom catalogue and keep whining about stopping for sushi.
Finally there is Shaggy and Scooby. We know Shaggy always stays in the back of the van so he can keep puffing on that one hitter and pilfer Scooby’s Scooby Snacks. I bet the only thing ya find in his pants pocket is a pack of Zig-Zags and a hackey sack. Scooby? The freaking dog talks and everyone is just fine with that. Pull over that Peter Max mobile and google directions to New York City because I guarantee you’re gonna win “Stupid Pet Tricks” on Lettermen when Scooby recites the Gettysburg Address.
Now don’t get me started on Magilla Gorilla……
Danny Czekalinski does a live weekly internet radio show at mysourceradio.com Archives of the show can be heard HERE
I laugh when women say “He and I are JUST friends. Men and women can be just friends.” Women think like that because they think like women and think that men can distinguish between being a friend and being someone they take off their clothes with and do adult things. Ladies, let me allow you a look behind the curtain of Oz. WE CAN’T! Gay guys are probably the reason for the assumption that all guys can be “just friends” because gay guys really do wanna be your friend (and discuss fashion). When straight guys are sitting across from you as you share a story about your best friends relationship problems and he nods his head appearing to understand and be interested in what you are saying he ACTUALLY is wondering what you would look like in the morning wearing one of his tee-shirts while you made him breakfast.
The truth is if it weren’t for the sex I really think that guys would always hang out with guys. Think about it. It’s a big deal to have a “night out with the boys.” We drink beer, watch sports, talk about sports, talk about drinking beer, drink too much beer, talk about how we COULD have played in the NFL, etc. Guys are a different breed. We basically are still cavemen that went to charm school. If you’re “guy friend” meets ya out for drinks at happy hour just know you actually are sitting across from “Thor” who would love to drag you by your hair back to his cave to do the prehistoric tango!
Some of you ladies may actually bring this blog to the attention of your man to question its validity. He’ll read it and fume inside because a member of his gender would DARE to reveal the truth but I can tell ya what he’ll say right now: “Honey, that may be how the REST of guys are but I don’t feel that way because YOU fulfill all my needs.” See. We know how to play the game.
See this kid to the left? Ya don’t wanna be him. He’s a weatherman in Arkansas that had an unfortunate evening. His night ended in the following headline: “Weatherman Found in Hot Tub With Dead Man Wearing Dog Collar.” I’m not kidding. CLICK HERE Oh, by the way…..his last name is Cummins.
As the media spokesperson for this TV station you have a LOT to deal with: a) Employee sleeping nude with dead guy b) Hot Tub c) and the “caveat”…..the DOG COLLAR! Ya gotta have balls of steel. This is America. Give the stupid people some sort of answer and they’ll change the topic at the dinner table to “Why ‘All In The Family’ would never make it past censors today!”
Here’s my spin: Mr. Cummins is very distraught about the accidental drowning of his unnamed friend that was obviously a dog lover. Mr. Cummins, a nudist, an avid swimmer, and a sufferer from the sudden onset of narcolepsy is not available yet for comment as he is at city hall changing his last name to “Luvtitz.” What’s yours????