Pop Culture

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First of all ladies it’s NOT just another video game.  This is Madden.  This is where us men can actually live out the unfulfilled fantasies of our teen-age years.  Today Madden 2012 is released.  For many of us this day should be declared a legal holiday.

Don’t tell me I’m NOT on the team.  I can create a player with my face and name, give him unbelievable abilities, and become the MVP of the NFL.  If you are lucky I will grant you an interview in the kitchen after I empty the dishwasher.

Don’t tell me it’s not any different from Tetris or Mrs. Pacman.  I will single-handedly take the Cleveland Browns to another Super Bowl victory this year.  If the outcome is in doubt I will do what I always do….hit “reset” and start all over until I win.

Don’t tell me I look ridiculous with my headset on talking trash to a bunch of twelve-year olds in Harrisburg I’m playing on-line.  They are calling me out and I will rub their pre-pubescent faces into the Madden turf before their mother yells at them to “come upstairs and go to bed.”

This is NOT your ordinary video game.  This is REAL.  I really am a grown man.  Really…..seriously….well at least I think I am.  🙂

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Awards shows are a great diversion from the stress of every day life.  The Music Video Awards were last night and I am AMAZED at the top trending topics TODAY.  Most have to do with the VMA’s!  Let’s look at these “pressing issues” in context:

Don’t ya love Bieber in glasses?  OMG Chris Brown is lip-synching!  Did they dig up Amy Winehouse to play guitar with Ralph Macchio?  OMG that’s NOT Ralph Macchio…it’s Lady Ga Ga!!   That’s Brian May and NOT Amy Winehouse?  Queen?  Who is Queen?  Why is Beyonce looking like she lost her burka?  OMG she’s pregnant and NO ONE KNEW!!  Will Kayne ever run on stage this year and save us from this boredom?

I’m probably a bigger pop culture fan than most but this country has bigger problems than if David Arquette really is gonna be in the next cast of Dancing With The Stars.  I think it’s time we showed the passion we place on our diversions in our passion in helping others and fixing the problems that face this country

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I’m not sure if this is something indigenous to South Florida but it seems that at EVERY street corner there is a guy spinning a sign.  If I want a sub sandwich I pretty much know where I am going to go and pretty much know what I want on it.  If some guy with a Subway sign is bouncing it off his body like Medowlark Lemon that’s not gonna affect my thought process if I desire a sandwich or not.  Aren’t you actually AFRAID of the person that reacts to this type of marketing?

Be the husband that comes home and says “Honey..sorry I’m late.  I saw a guy spinning a sign for ‘Commander Place’ so I signed a one year lease on a two bedroom.  He was such an impressive spinner.  Tell the kids.”  Do ya wanna be married to this master of his own free will?

I can only imagine what my father would think of these sign spinners if he were alive today.  This is a man who bought an issue of Consumer Reports to decide if he should subscribe to Consumer Reports.  When he purchased a new washing machine it took twenty hours of research at his workbench in the basement.  He came upstairs like Grandpa Munster confident that his selection of the Maytag was the best (it ALWAYS was the Maytag with him).  Sign Spinners???  He would laugh, look at me and say “Twenty points!  Thirty if when I run him over he still is holding the sign.”  Of course before we pulled in the drive he would add the following; “Don’t tell your mother!!!”   In the meantime I’ll try to ignore these distractions of society but if the scoring system increases to fifty points…I just might play Dad’s game!

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EVERY time there is a hurricane out come the weather asshats.  Irene is quickly becoming a Category 4 storm and I can already see the geeks at the weather channel licking their chops.

Jim Cantore has made a living off tethering himself to a flagpole, standing on the beach in 100 mph winds, wearing an “old man by the sea” rain coat, and attempting to walk into the wind.  This makes about as much sense as a pay toilet in a diarrhea war.  Even in prehistoric times we could count on the cave man to drag his knuckles towards shelter when a thunderstorm was approaching so just what the hell is Jim Cantore doing?

I can see Jim Cantore right now boarding a plane to Charleston thinking to himself “Man..it’s been a long time since I walked into hurricane force wins.  This time I might do it holding a nine-iron.  GAME ON!”  Well think of it this way, Gilligan:  People live in these places.  Will you be there handing out water and ice to the thousands that have no power and had part of their lives destroyed?  No…you’ll be back at the Weather Channel waiting for the next tropical system to play in.

I hope Irene skirts the Carolinas but if not I’ll be cheering for that big gust of wind to suck those weather geeks off the teather pole and into the ocean.  It’ll make for a hell of a promo!

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Let me start by apologizing for not posting in a month.  I had a severe respiratory infection that left me on my back for five weeks and without a voice for three weeks.  With that out of the way let’s talk about the first day of school.

My mother dressed me with one purpose in mind:  Make sure my son gets his ass kicked on the playground.  I looked like a game show host at the age of five.  I had Florsheim shoes, knit slacks that were cuffed, an undershirt and a button down collared shirt.  I dressed better at five than I do now.

Mrs. Munson was my kindergarten teacher at Zellars Elementary.  They had all kinds of cool toys to choose from.  I chose a seven piece puzzle.  David Lurkey also wanted the puzzle I chose and he tried to take it from me.  I handled it like any five-year old would–I punched that little p##ck in the nose.  David Lurkey had cool clothes.  The girls liked David Lurkey.  That’s all fine and good but little David Lurkey got knocked out by a five-year old wanna-be “Match Game” host who wasn’t gonna let go of his puzzle.  See if YOUR mom can get blood out of your cool clothes like my mom can repair a hole in my nerdy knit slacks.

That was a long time ago but not much has changed.  I still dress like s**t, I am surrounded by a bunch of “David Lurkey’s here in South Florida but I also promise you this.  Try to take what is mine….and I will react the same way.  Sorry Mrs. Munson…it’s just the way I am.  🙂

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On Sunday it seemed EVERYONE was watching the Women’s World Cup finale.  My Twitter was blowing up.  The ratings eventually showed a HUGE share.  Japan won in a shoot out and then all the tweets and comments changed.  “Be proud of the ladies.”  “At least we got there.”  “Can’t win em all.”  What type of half assed thinking is this???

Team USA choked.  They blew it.  They didn’t show up.  Any of the previous three statements describes what happened.  Team USA was ranked number one in the world.  They hadn’t lost to Japan in the previous twenty-five meetings. It WAS David versus Goliath.  For some reason Team USA wasn’t mentally prepared to win.  Maybe they thought since Brazil was eliminated they could just coast through their game with Japan, not break a sweat, and negotiate their endorsement deals on the plane.

There is a lesson here in this national embarrassment.  Never take your competition lightly.  If you think anything BUT your best effort is acceptable then one day you will meet someone will less talent and they will emerge victorious.  Look no further than what happened to Team USA to support that!

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Everyone is sooooooooooooo shocked that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are getting a divorce.  The divorce rate is just over fifty percent.    That hardly constitutes “breaking news.”

People are actually sending death threats to Casey Anthony’s parents and law enforcement officials are concerned about the safety of Casey Anthony when she gets released tomorrow.  Casey Anthony and her parents did nothing to you….death threats and physically assaulting someone are serious crimes…why would you consider committing these crimes against someone you don’t know?

Hines Ward got arrested for suspicion of DUI last week.  Professional athletes have a surplus of money.  If you are going out drinking for an evening why not take a cab or a limo?

Standing in line at the grocery store I saw a magazine cover that had a few “Teen Mom’s” on the cover and a “Real Housewife.”  Has society plunged so deeply into a cesspool of insignificance that this REALLY sells magazines?

I see more and more people standing on busy street corners spinning and holding signs.  This has ZERO effect on if I wanna buy a sub at Quiznos or turn in my unused gold for cash.

Sitting at a red light the other day I saw a man talking on a pay phone while sitting on a box that sells newspapers.  I thought to myself “Maybe this guy actually thinks it’s 1985.”

A pick up truck in front of me had this sticker on it’s back window “In Memorium of Jack _____  5-3-62 to 7-10-10.”  I wondered if he was looking down on that truck and feeling proud that his memory was next to a Confederate flag and a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Ford logo.

Yes people….I think stupidity is contagious….and it’s rapidly spreading.  Have a great weekend!

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Just the image of Nancy Grace sets off emotion in people.  There is no grey area with her.  I’ll be honest….I’m not a fan or hers but I respect how she has branded herself.  If you ever are in public and a screaming match breaks out……stick around…there is a pretty good chance Nancy Grace will show up.  The recipe is quite simple:  Take some Jerry Springer, a dash of Larry King, sprinkle a small amount of Meet The Press, focus on a missing, cute, white girl, take calls that only agree with you, and scream at people on your panel.

I actually lay awake at night fearing that Susan Moss (her number one screaming panelist) will gnaw her way through my dry wall and devour my foot like a malnourished komodo dragon.  If I acted as a kid like these panelists do on her show, I would have been sent to my room without dinner.  Nancy Grace tries to pull her act at my parent’s dinner table then mom is getting the wooden spoon and dad is loosening his belt.

Just when ya think her head will spin around and pea soup will be forced from her trachea she takes a call about her twin girls.  A “random caller” (really?  we all know they are set up) asks Nancy “Ooooooo Nancy….how ARE the little ones?”  Suddenly Nancy’s face morphs into this sweet, serene look and she coos, “Bless you.  My babies are my anchor.  My strength.  The reason I breathe.”  That’s great Nancy…aren’t they sixteen now?  Maybe one of them is engaged to Hef.  It’s not like they just came home from the NICU.  Again, Nancy KNOWS how to play it.  She KNOWS how to play YOU.

Nancy Grace just had her highest ratings EVER last month.  Like her or hate her you KNOW her.  For today…that’s all I have….Good night friend.  🙂

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It’s been twenty-four hours since the Casey Anthony verdict.  I’ve watched Nancy Grace’s head spin around like a top.  I’ve heard the comparisons to OJ (that’s insane….OJ killed TWO people).  I’ve watched the TV talking heads ask “What about Kaylee?” and then go on to talk for the next hour about what CASEY will do.  This has been a filibuster of morons and hypocrites.

Casey Anthony is going to be a millionaire many times over.  The networks will fight for the first interview.  There will be a movie.  There will be a book.  There could be a career in porn.  Could she be the next “Bachelorette?”  Imagine if they put her on “Dancing With The Stars.”  Yes, Casey Anthony is gonna be a millionaire and its our fault.  We created this monster.

Imagine if when she gets out of jail later this week nobody cared.  No press.  No helicopters flying over head. No breaking news.  Ya know what that would mean?  NO PAY DAY!

Well that’s not gonna happen.  It’s gonna be a show.  Press everywhere.  Satellite TV trucks lined up for miles.  I’ll even bet that Gloria Allred walks her to the limo.  Wanna blame the jury? What for?  What did you really expect from twelve people not smart enough to get out of jury duty?

Life has become “The Truman Show.”  Until we all decide to look the other way and watch something else, it will only happen again.