Current Events

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Awards shows are a great diversion from the stress of every day life.  The Music Video Awards were last night and I am AMAZED at the top trending topics TODAY.  Most have to do with the VMA’s!  Let’s look at these “pressing issues” in context:

Don’t ya love Bieber in glasses?  OMG Chris Brown is lip-synching!  Did they dig up Amy Winehouse to play guitar with Ralph Macchio?  OMG that’s NOT Ralph Macchio…it’s Lady Ga Ga!!   That’s Brian May and NOT Amy Winehouse?  Queen?  Who is Queen?  Why is Beyonce looking like she lost her burka?  OMG she’s pregnant and NO ONE KNEW!!  Will Kayne ever run on stage this year and save us from this boredom?

I’m probably a bigger pop culture fan than most but this country has bigger problems than if David Arquette really is gonna be in the next cast of Dancing With The Stars.  I think it’s time we showed the passion we place on our diversions in our passion in helping others and fixing the problems that face this country

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I’m not sure if its something in the water here in Florida or all the stupid people in the world got a memo and were told to move here but the Stooge routine continues.  Once again Jesus has returned.  Once again it is here in Florida.  Once again He has chosen to make his return in a pile of wood.  This time its in Jensen Beach in a set of wooden dock pilings.  STORY HERE

What about the Jesus that returns in a waffle you ask?  False prophets you non-believers.  Didn’t you see the verse in Revelation where the Son of Man will only return in a tree knot, a two by four or piece of plywood?

Let’s just say I’m having coffee on my porch and I look at my palm tree.  Let’s say I find a part of the tree that looks like a member of ZZ Top or the Messiah.  I may chuckle and put a little Jameson in my next cup but the last thing I’m gonna do is pick up the phone and call a TV station.  “Hello TV 25?  Jesus is here in my fantail palm tree.  Send the perky blonde reporter right out of college that won’t laugh in my face and ask how long I’ve been an idiot.  Thanks!!!!”

Look people…stop looking for Jesus in trees….you’re wasting your time and missing the Loch Ness Monster swimming in your lake!

 

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I’m not sure if this is something indigenous to South Florida but it seems that at EVERY street corner there is a guy spinning a sign.  If I want a sub sandwich I pretty much know where I am going to go and pretty much know what I want on it.  If some guy with a Subway sign is bouncing it off his body like Medowlark Lemon that’s not gonna affect my thought process if I desire a sandwich or not.  Aren’t you actually AFRAID of the person that reacts to this type of marketing?

Be the husband that comes home and says “Honey..sorry I’m late.  I saw a guy spinning a sign for ‘Commander Place’ so I signed a one year lease on a two bedroom.  He was such an impressive spinner.  Tell the kids.”  Do ya wanna be married to this master of his own free will?

I can only imagine what my father would think of these sign spinners if he were alive today.  This is a man who bought an issue of Consumer Reports to decide if he should subscribe to Consumer Reports.  When he purchased a new washing machine it took twenty hours of research at his workbench in the basement.  He came upstairs like Grandpa Munster confident that his selection of the Maytag was the best (it ALWAYS was the Maytag with him).  Sign Spinners???  He would laugh, look at me and say “Twenty points!  Thirty if when I run him over he still is holding the sign.”  Of course before we pulled in the drive he would add the following; “Don’t tell your mother!!!”   In the meantime I’ll try to ignore these distractions of society but if the scoring system increases to fifty points…I just might play Dad’s game!

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EVERY time there is a hurricane out come the weather asshats.  Irene is quickly becoming a Category 4 storm and I can already see the geeks at the weather channel licking their chops.

Jim Cantore has made a living off tethering himself to a flagpole, standing on the beach in 100 mph winds, wearing an “old man by the sea” rain coat, and attempting to walk into the wind.  This makes about as much sense as a pay toilet in a diarrhea war.  Even in prehistoric times we could count on the cave man to drag his knuckles towards shelter when a thunderstorm was approaching so just what the hell is Jim Cantore doing?

I can see Jim Cantore right now boarding a plane to Charleston thinking to himself “Man..it’s been a long time since I walked into hurricane force wins.  This time I might do it holding a nine-iron.  GAME ON!”  Well think of it this way, Gilligan:  People live in these places.  Will you be there handing out water and ice to the thousands that have no power and had part of their lives destroyed?  No…you’ll be back at the Weather Channel waiting for the next tropical system to play in.

I hope Irene skirts the Carolinas but if not I’ll be cheering for that big gust of wind to suck those weather geeks off the teather pole and into the ocean.  It’ll make for a hell of a promo!

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Let me start by apologizing for not posting in a month.  I had a severe respiratory infection that left me on my back for five weeks and without a voice for three weeks.  With that out of the way let’s talk about the first day of school.

My mother dressed me with one purpose in mind:  Make sure my son gets his ass kicked on the playground.  I looked like a game show host at the age of five.  I had Florsheim shoes, knit slacks that were cuffed, an undershirt and a button down collared shirt.  I dressed better at five than I do now.

Mrs. Munson was my kindergarten teacher at Zellars Elementary.  They had all kinds of cool toys to choose from.  I chose a seven piece puzzle.  David Lurkey also wanted the puzzle I chose and he tried to take it from me.  I handled it like any five-year old would–I punched that little p##ck in the nose.  David Lurkey had cool clothes.  The girls liked David Lurkey.  That’s all fine and good but little David Lurkey got knocked out by a five-year old wanna-be “Match Game” host who wasn’t gonna let go of his puzzle.  See if YOUR mom can get blood out of your cool clothes like my mom can repair a hole in my nerdy knit slacks.

That was a long time ago but not much has changed.  I still dress like s**t, I am surrounded by a bunch of “David Lurkey’s here in South Florida but I also promise you this.  Try to take what is mine….and I will react the same way.  Sorry Mrs. Munson…it’s just the way I am.  🙂

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On Sunday it seemed EVERYONE was watching the Women’s World Cup finale.  My Twitter was blowing up.  The ratings eventually showed a HUGE share.  Japan won in a shoot out and then all the tweets and comments changed.  “Be proud of the ladies.”  “At least we got there.”  “Can’t win em all.”  What type of half assed thinking is this???

Team USA choked.  They blew it.  They didn’t show up.  Any of the previous three statements describes what happened.  Team USA was ranked number one in the world.  They hadn’t lost to Japan in the previous twenty-five meetings. It WAS David versus Goliath.  For some reason Team USA wasn’t mentally prepared to win.  Maybe they thought since Brazil was eliminated they could just coast through their game with Japan, not break a sweat, and negotiate their endorsement deals on the plane.

There is a lesson here in this national embarrassment.  Never take your competition lightly.  If you think anything BUT your best effort is acceptable then one day you will meet someone will less talent and they will emerge victorious.  Look no further than what happened to Team USA to support that!

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Everyone is sooooooooooooo shocked that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are getting a divorce.  The divorce rate is just over fifty percent.    That hardly constitutes “breaking news.”

People are actually sending death threats to Casey Anthony’s parents and law enforcement officials are concerned about the safety of Casey Anthony when she gets released tomorrow.  Casey Anthony and her parents did nothing to you….death threats and physically assaulting someone are serious crimes…why would you consider committing these crimes against someone you don’t know?

Hines Ward got arrested for suspicion of DUI last week.  Professional athletes have a surplus of money.  If you are going out drinking for an evening why not take a cab or a limo?

Standing in line at the grocery store I saw a magazine cover that had a few “Teen Mom’s” on the cover and a “Real Housewife.”  Has society plunged so deeply into a cesspool of insignificance that this REALLY sells magazines?

I see more and more people standing on busy street corners spinning and holding signs.  This has ZERO effect on if I wanna buy a sub at Quiznos or turn in my unused gold for cash.

Sitting at a red light the other day I saw a man talking on a pay phone while sitting on a box that sells newspapers.  I thought to myself “Maybe this guy actually thinks it’s 1985.”

A pick up truck in front of me had this sticker on it’s back window “In Memorium of Jack _____  5-3-62 to 7-10-10.”  I wondered if he was looking down on that truck and feeling proud that his memory was next to a Confederate flag and a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Ford logo.

Yes people….I think stupidity is contagious….and it’s rapidly spreading.  Have a great weekend!

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Just the image of Nancy Grace sets off emotion in people.  There is no grey area with her.  I’ll be honest….I’m not a fan or hers but I respect how she has branded herself.  If you ever are in public and a screaming match breaks out……stick around…there is a pretty good chance Nancy Grace will show up.  The recipe is quite simple:  Take some Jerry Springer, a dash of Larry King, sprinkle a small amount of Meet The Press, focus on a missing, cute, white girl, take calls that only agree with you, and scream at people on your panel.

I actually lay awake at night fearing that Susan Moss (her number one screaming panelist) will gnaw her way through my dry wall and devour my foot like a malnourished komodo dragon.  If I acted as a kid like these panelists do on her show, I would have been sent to my room without dinner.  Nancy Grace tries to pull her act at my parent’s dinner table then mom is getting the wooden spoon and dad is loosening his belt.

Just when ya think her head will spin around and pea soup will be forced from her trachea she takes a call about her twin girls.  A “random caller” (really?  we all know they are set up) asks Nancy “Ooooooo Nancy….how ARE the little ones?”  Suddenly Nancy’s face morphs into this sweet, serene look and she coos, “Bless you.  My babies are my anchor.  My strength.  The reason I breathe.”  That’s great Nancy…aren’t they sixteen now?  Maybe one of them is engaged to Hef.  It’s not like they just came home from the NICU.  Again, Nancy KNOWS how to play it.  She KNOWS how to play YOU.

Nancy Grace just had her highest ratings EVER last month.  Like her or hate her you KNOW her.  For today…that’s all I have….Good night friend.  🙂

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For a moment today we stopped talking about Casey Anthony.  For a moment today we stopped talking about the lousy jobs outlook.  For a moment today everyone put all their differences aside and we came together.  We all either looked to the skies or looked to our TV sets as the final space shuttle flight successfully lifted off.  Democrat stood next to Republican and black stood next to white.  Together we shared our pride in our country as we joined in a unison chant of “USA!  USA!  USA!”

That moment of truly having a “United States of America” lasted as long as the plume of shuttle smoke remained in the atmosphere.  Once again the finger-pointing is back in session and the “he said/she said” game of blame is in full swing.  Why don’t the suit and ties on Capital Hill understand what we, the common man, truly believes.  We don’t care about the blame….we care about the fix.

I live in West Palm Beach where the summer heat and humidity is almost unbearable.  If my air-conditioning went out I really don’t care what is wrong I just want someone to fix it.  This country has been without air-conditioning for quite some time.  Everyone is uncomfortable.  The guy that promised he could fix our air conditioning isn’t getting the job done.  In less than two years we are going to be asked who we want to take care of our “air-conditioning.”  I would hope this nation would be able to react like they did today.  Set the differences aside.  Come together for a common cause.  RESEARCH your candidates.  Forget about party affiliation, who is the best speaker, color or who your family votes for.  Vote for the BEST repairman…….because it’s really starting to get hot in here.