DANNY CZEKALINSKI

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Gay marriage is now legal in the state of New York.  I don’t understand what took so long.  Why was it illegal in the first place?  There is something not quite right with laws put into place that prevent love and happiness.  If two consenting adults want their union recognized what is the big deal and who are the lawmakers to judge.  If they were soooooo bright then they would have refused to issue ME a marriage license for BOTH of my ex-wives.

The religious right will obviously be against this but the religious right has a knack of picking out only the verses in the bible that support THEIR cause.  Read the entire bible…Matthew 7:1  “Judge not, that you be not judged.”  Just because you go the church every Sunday DOESN’T mean you are a good person.  I once worked for someone that was active in their church and there is no doubt in my mind that this person has Satan on their speed dial.

I also say to the gay population “Be careful what you ask for.”  Us breeders have a divorce rate right now of about fifty percent.  Two gay guys fighting over their IKEA furniture and Banana Republic sweater collection is not something one can get over by drinking some sparking water and having a sorbet.  Marriage is tough and it takes a lot of work and a lot of maintenance.  There is enough hate and anger in this world.  I say any chance we have to celebrate “love”, make me part of that toast!

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Today is the second anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson.  Earlier today I posed a question on my facebook page asking my friends how they will remember him.  As you can imagine the results were mixed but everyone had an opinion.

Let’s not kid ourselves, the guy was NOT normal.  Any man other than MJ that would dress like Peter Pan and sit in an oak tree at an amusement park would be taken away by men in white with large butterfly nets and he would then spend a few years in a rubber room weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti.

Normal people go to the theatre to watch “The Elephant Man.”  They don’t get on eBay, buy his remains and put ’em on display in their rec room so they have something to stare at while their pet chimp is holding the Nintendo controls.

When I go to the doctor I let the nurse take my blood pressure and engage in some small talk before I see the doctor.  I don’t use that time to see if she would be interested in being a portal for my DNA so I could assume custody of our offspring and then cover their faces like they were on the run from Wyatt Earp.

Let’s also not ignore this:  Thirteen number one singles, the greatest selling album of all time, a billion dollars in earnings AFTER his death, and seven more albums YET to come before 2017.  Michael Jackson changed music and he will be remembered as one of the greatest performers of all time.  Maybe we all should embrace our inner crazy a little bit more and see what happens.

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Wiener.  It looks funny and it sounds funny.  Think back to when you were a kid playing in the empty lot with the neighborhood kids.  “You’re a wiener.”  Not exactly a term of endearment.  Now imagine what it must have been like to be a kid going through life with that last name?  Only the Scrotum family could possibly relate to how traumatizing it must have been.

Now if ya make it through your high school graduation without having a mental breakdown I think the name of “wiener” actually BUILDS mental toughness.  You would have developed incredible patience and self-restraint.  Now lets assume you actually become a US Congressman.  Talk about having the last laugh!  “Who’s your wiener NOW???” you would probably shout at your twenty year high school reunion.  All of this makes perfect sense.

Let’s say you pull out your smart phone, switch it to camera, take a picture of your aforementioned beef by-product, and start sending it off into cyber-space to females you don’t know.  WHAT????   I know.  What the hell was he thinking?  I can’t figure it out either.

People I KNOW don’t wanna see mine.  I don’t wanna see mine.  “The David” is one of the greatest sculptures of all time and even Michelangelo didn’t want David to show his to anyone.  There is a zipper on every pair of men’s pants to remind  male morons one thing “People DON”T wanna see it!”  This is not something people easily forget.  Something that seems so trivial actually has life-long repercussions.  Do ya think anyone really feels comfortable sitting in front of Pee-Wee Herman at a movie theatre?  So guys, wear a fanny pack, keep that comb-over, wear a shirt with a bunch of fish on it but PLEASE…….put that thing away!

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Years ago people laughed when they said “music will only be heard on the FM dial.”  Look what happened.  We, as the radio industry, are our own worst enemy.  You can’t fool the listener.  You can’t TELL the listener what they want.  So why not ASK the listener what they want.  I did that recently on my facebook page.  If interested the comment line is HERE

Morning radio USED to be the way people would start their day.  What happened?  Some stations cut back on talent and added more music.  Some stations got greedy and loaded up on commercials.   Technology has made it possible for the listeners to super serve themselves.  Most everyone has a smart phone.  That means they have access to Pandora and their own iPod.   If the aforementioned can provide the best music without commercial interruption MORE music is not the answer for morning radio.  More music in the morning will only accelerate the demise of that station.

The good news is there is a way to SAVE radio. Content will save radio.  Content cannot be duplicated.  Content is what the listener wants.  It HAS to be good content.  It HAS to be compelling content otherwise it’s just boring talk and the result will be the same;  “people shutting off the radio.”  I truly believe that in five years FM radio will be mostly content.  When I turn on the radio I’ve always want one of three things:  to laugh, to learn something or to be engaged in the conversation.  What listener is going to sit through five minutes of commercials to hear a Lady GaGa song they already have on their iPod.  Ask me to wait five minutes and I’ll learn how to drop ten pounds without exercising and I’ll excuse the commercials.  Getting people to LISTEN to the radio is not that difficult.   We better start listening to the listener or there won’t be any listeners left!

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Every day in our lives we are faced with situations that cause us to make a series of decisions.  Not every decision is an easy one.  Sometimes we make the wrong decision but it seemed like the right one at the time.  I don’t consider myself to be a future Jeopardy finalist but I know that if I am ever asked to make a sex tape…the anwser will be NO FREAKING WAY!

I have these things called mirrors that are in my bathroom…perhaps you are familiar with them.  When I exit my shower I am able to view myself as God created me.  I think God probably looks down and says “I gave ya a fair shot.  What the hell did you do when I was gone?”  Now even if I were fresh off a cover shoot for Men’s Health there are three reasons making a sex tape is a bad idea:

1)  WHEN WILL YOU WATCH IT?  Would watching yourself put you in the mood?  How narcissistic is that?  Isn’t there enough choices on Direct TV?  Is this something you throw on before or after Judge Judy?  In my case it would take longer to set up the DVD player than my actual “movie.”

2)  AUDIO:  I need to be delicate with this.  Let’s just say that the sounds that a human makes while in the heat of passion don’t need to be documented.  To “listen” to those sounds outside of that passionate moment is both uncomfortable and disturbing.  I keep my windows closed and TV turned up for a reason.  I don’t need my house surrounded by a SWAT team because the neighbors called complaining about someone torturing a racing horse.

3)  NO ONE WILL SEE IT EXCEPT US:  Put that promise up there with your superior telling you “I’ve got your back.”  You are one drunken fight away from having the other person forwarding it to all your facebook friends.  Even if that never happens you know it will be left in the DVD player one day and you’ll soon be the new local adult film star at your babysitters high school.

So if you ever see your partner pull out that flip-cam and say “C’mon…just this once.”  Do something that makes more sense….like getting a neck tattoo.

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This past Saturday I had a birthday.  I’ve been off the radio since January 19th of this year and I have been reflecting a lot on what I have done with my life to this point and what I plan to do with the rest of it.  It’s been an interesting ride so far and one that continues to teach me something new each day.  In the interest of brevity I have posted five of the most important lessons I have learned in life:

1)  ONLY ONE PERSON BESIDES YOURSELF CARES ABOUT YOUR BEST INTERESTS:   Those people are your parents.  Other than that all bets are off.

2)  YOU’LL GET SCREWED OVER:  We all do.  When times are good things are easy.  The true test of character is when life knocks you to the ground.  What did you learn?  How will you prevent the same mistake?

3)  TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED:  Simple to say but not easy to do.  Especially when you are standing in line with the stomach flu and the 85-year-old lady in front of you is writing a check.

4)  KEEP UP WITH TECHNOLOGY:  If you “settle” you will be passed by.  Remember when you paid $300 for a VCR?  Remember having to stash quarters in case your “pager” went off?  Five years ago everyone had a MySpace page.  Keep up with technology and you’ll increase your value.

5) NEVER GET BEHIND ME IN LINE:  I always pick the wrong one.  I pick the one with the price check, the ribbon runs out on the register, the old man searching for a coupon, etc.  Please just smile and wave and move on.  You’ll thank me later.

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Let me preface this post by saying that I don’t have children.  My thoughts tend to be a bit bizarre so many people will thank me for not procreating.  Bullying is something that I went through many years ago and I think your child can learn from the mistakes my parents made (of course I blame my parents…it’s the only way I’ll get invited on Maury Povich)

1)  DON’T DRESS YOUR KID LIKE A DOUCHE:  My mother put me in Florsheim shoes, knit slacks and a sweater vest.  I didn’t look like I was going to school, I looked like I was going to a job interview.  She slicked my hair back like I was a member of “The Outsiders.”  The only thing she didn’t do is put a sign on my back that said”  Please pull my underwear deeply into my butt crack and stick my head in the school toilet.”

2) PEPPER SPRAY:  Tasers weren’t around when Jim Adams would punch me in the face on a weekly basis.  There was no reason for the assault other than I wore braces and I would bleed more profusely.  He even did it after asking to borrow ten cents to buy a Nutty Buddy.  “Thanks for the dime…take this!!!!”  Pepper Spray is the great equalizer.  If you can hold down a button you can be the bigger man.  Just make sure you get a note from a child psychologist saying its okay.

3)  KEEP YOUR KID OUT OF BAND:  My mother made me play the trumpet starting in the second grade.  I would have to carry my instrument to and from school every day.  Its one thing to bring your football helmet and shoulder pads on the bus as opposed to the kid struggling to pull his oboe through the school bus door.  You won’t get relief in high school when ya join the marching band.  I wore white bucks, had a goofy white hat with a green plume, and I would dance on the football field with 120 other nerds to songs like “Ease on Down the Road.”  Just writing this I wanna find a time machine, go back to 1982, and kick my OWN ass.

You may find my suggestions a bit outlandish but what do you expect from a kid that had his mother write his social security number on the waistband of his underwear with a sharpie when I left home for my first year of college.  No one stole my underwear but the Asian kid on my floor took my identity.

Have a great weekend!

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Show me a mistake and I will show ya an opportunity to learn something.  We all stumble and fall during life but if you can better yourself after a momentary setback then the negative is actually a positive.  Arnold has been all over the news lately and his rep is definitely taking a beating.  As outsiders we can look at this and learn three things right away:

1)  KNOW WHEN TO PULL OUT:  I have been in career situations where I thought “I know this isn’t the best situation for me but it will get better.”  I’ve learned that things don’t and won’t self correct themselves.  Don’t rely on others, rely on yourself.  If your gut is telling you it isn’t right then look for another challenge.

2)  DON’T GRAB IT JUST BECAUSE IT’S IN FRONT OF YOU:  A lot of time when we face a challenge we look for the “quick fix” just because its convenient.  More often than not you are just putting a band-aid where you actually need a tourniquet.  Finding a solution or the right situation takes time but it’s well worth the wait.

3)  IF YOU DECIDE TO SCREW SOMEONE BE PREPARED FOR THE PAYBACK:  You’re gonna get stabbed in the back a few times in life.  The big test if how you react.  Getting “even” is a natural feeling but it’s not gonna get you anywhere.  Don’t lower yourself to “that” level.  Take your lumps and move on.  In the long run you will be the winner. 

Remember…always find that positive in the negative but don’t ask me to explain Arnold’s maid.  If I were a radio sales rep I’d be approaching him to endorse some laser vision correction!

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My black lab is twelve years old.  I’ve spent just about every day with him since the end of January as I look for my next morning radio job.  This has allowed me to observe him and I’ve realised he is much smarter than I thought.  Based on my observations I can share with you these three life lessons:

1)  PICK YOUR PRIORITIES:  My dog really only cares about the following  a)  eating, b) going outside and c) who the hell is at the door?.  I used to run to answer the phone and my dog looked at me like I was an idiot.  I pay for voice mail.  He has a good point.

2)  IF YOU ARE LOOKING AHEAD YOU WILL MISS WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU:  We all need to slow down.  I worry about tomorrow.  I plan for next month.  I never have taken the time to stop and look around.  If my dog did this he would miss all the Doritos crumbs I drop on the floor.

3)  SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA EAT SH@T!:  I caught him doing this the other day.  I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t like it one bit.  I don’t think anyone does but it’s just part of life.  He handles it a lot better than most of us do.  He just comes in the house, gets a drink of water, then looks for a bone to get that taste out of his mouth.  Instead of all of us complaining about the taste we need to DO something to refresh our breath.  Once again…..brilliant.

So what do ya say we ALL let the phone ring, relax and brush our teeth.  It will make for a much better day!