Wiener.  It looks funny and it sounds funny.  Think back to when you were a kid playing in the empty lot with the neighborhood kids.  “You’re a wiener.”  Not exactly a term of endearment.  Now imagine what it must have been like to be a kid going through life with that last name?  Only the Scrotum family could possibly relate to how traumatizing it must have been.

Now if ya make it through your high school graduation without having a mental breakdown I think the name of “wiener” actually BUILDS mental toughness.  You would have developed incredible patience and self-restraint.  Now lets assume you actually become a US Congressman.  Talk about having the last laugh!  “Who’s your wiener NOW???” you would probably shout at your twenty year high school reunion.  All of this makes perfect sense.

Let’s say you pull out your smart phone, switch it to camera, take a picture of your aforementioned beef by-product, and start sending it off into cyber-space to females you don’t know.  WHAT????   I know.  What the hell was he thinking?  I can’t figure it out either.

People I KNOW don’t wanna see mine.  I don’t wanna see mine.  “The David” is one of the greatest sculptures of all time and even Michelangelo didn’t want David to show his to anyone.  There is a zipper on every pair of men’s pants to remind  male morons one thing “People DON”T wanna see it!”  This is not something people easily forget.  Something that seems so trivial actually has life-long repercussions.  Do ya think anyone really feels comfortable sitting in front of Pee-Wee Herman at a movie theatre?  So guys, wear a fanny pack, keep that comb-over, wear a shirt with a bunch of fish on it but PLEASE…….put that thing away!