So the jackpot on Mega Millions is up to an estimated $640 million!  My question is do you REALLY wanna win this?  Chances are that if you are reading this you probably have a full set of teeth, can do simple math, and realize that Pearl Harbor is NOT located in Boston.  There is also a pretty good chance that if you played Mega Millions this weekend then you are after the jackpot and NOT a regular lottery player.

Let’s discuss this regular lottery player.  He/She likes to parade around in sandals with socks.  Wherever they DO work they can’t be offering a dental plan because their teeth resemble a worn out rake.  I’m pretty much positive that they floss with rope.  They stand in line on a mission.  Nothing is gonna get through them, their coffee stained sweatpants, and their already filled out Mega Millions card.  The cliff note version of the game is ya gotta pick six numbers.  Basically one number for every illegitimate child a seasoned lottery player has.  One of the numbers has to be the “Mega Ball.”  Again it’s called a  “Mega Ball” not to be confused with a “smegma ball” which I assume every regular male lottery player is in possession of.

Now that we all can agree on the stereotypical lottery player how can we NOT pray that he or she isn’t the winner.  We’re not talking about anyone that is gonna give Warren Buffet a run for his money. Once they take the lump sum (and why wouldn’t ya), get ready for the biggest Wal-Mart shopping spree in history!  Everyone in the family gets a new CB radio.  Watch the profits of John Deere soar.  I can’t wait for the magical moment when Mom breaks the news to her nine kids:  “Put on your best wife-beater…the one without the spaghetti sauce stain, we finally going to SUPER Target!!!”  How about that great moment when she calls her sister in Kentucky to break the news?  “Mary Lou?  We be millionaires!!  Tell that husband of yours and cousin of mine that we are gonna get him a fake leg made out of cherry wood.  That way his knee won’t get warm standing round the bonfire in the fall.”

I’d say more but the drawing is almost here.  I need to get my tickets, a 12-pack of Natural Light and some Redman!