Sexting. I just don’t get it. It makes about as much sense to me as sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman at a movie theatre. Call me spoiled but I discovered streaming video on the internet a long time ago so I don’t think a few dirty words with a hash tag is gonna stiffen my putter.
Of course we’re talking about this nonsense again because Anthony Weiner is back at his old tricks again but he takes it to a different level by including a picture of his junk. There are a lot of check points this process has to go through before one hits send and I shudder in confusion that his “idea” passed through all of them.
The penis is not pretty. It kind of looks like an index finger missing a nail. There is a reason why it is kept beneath underwear and pants AND a zipper to keep it from public viewing. The only time it should be illuminated is when you are using it for waste removal purposes behind a closed-door otherwise the penis is meant to be nocturnal.
Let’s review the process that Anthony Weiner must have gone through to sext a picture of his manhood: 1) Drop pants and expose penis 2) Grab iPhone and focus on the “subject” 3) Take a few pictures of your penis to get the “right one” 4) Maybe Instagram it a bit for effect 5) Hit send.
At what point during this process does “BAD IDEA” enter into one’s mind? Apparently with Anthony Weiner this never happened and he just sat there waiting for a reply. That to me is the along the same line as a guy being naked and playing with puppets….it’s FREAKING creepy!!
So the next time ya get pissed at a friend for texting you a picture of some crappy salad they made with feta cheese on top….just remember…it could be worse.
Meetings. I really believe we have too many. Meeting to prepare for meetings make me crazy. Don’t get me wrong I value the importance of a meeting that is truly needed but some of the stuff that comes out of a meeting leaves me more confused and detached than before the meeting. Sometimes a meeting isn’t a meeting at all it’s just a get together where you are being told what to do.
I remember a meeting a bunch of us had many years ago where the General Manager had promised the services and support of my morning show as a favor to their church. We were informed that the show would camp out in a tent with a bunch of other people to raise awareness and dollars to the homeless. This meeting was not a “brainstorming session” it was basically held to be given our marching orders.
I am all for serving the public. I like to help people but I also think you need to focus on your brand and serve your target demo. When you say the word “homeless” I think many people think of someone hairy, dirty, sleeping in a box and smelling like urine. While that may be unfair I do think it’s accurate.
My suggestion was to do a benefit that touches the female demo: raise money for shelters for abused women, help for terminally ill children, etc. At that point the General Manager uttered this golden nugget, “This is not about the bad homeless, this is about the good homeless.” I was stunned. The good homeless? Perhaps this is something I did not know about. They have classified the homeless. Evidently Home Security waits until we are asleep and then covertly brands the homeless with bar codes to separate them into two categories: good and bad. The next time you are tempted to make a donation while stopped at a light I think you should demand that the individual fold back his ear so you can see the aforementioned bar code to know if you are giving to the good or the bad homeless. You can easily download the app on your smart phone to make this process an easy one.
I’d tell ya more but I’m late for a meeting……
DANNY CZEKALINSKI hosts a weekly internet radio show on mysourceradio.com Show archives can be heard HERE
Life is strange…I think we all can agree on that but there are things that perplex me on a daily basis. Why do people watch “Real Housewives” when there isn’t anything real about them at all? If I call information for a number to call “Ghostbusters” how come they don’t have a number. If someone doesn’t believe that aliens truly exist have they ever seen a picture of Larry King? Why do people expect sports and entertainment stars to be role models–isn’t that the job of a parent?
Why do some people still judge a person based on their religious beliefs or skin color–doesn’t character come into consideration? Why are people taken aback when you use the words “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome?” Can a real man play Monopoly and still choose the thimble as his game piece? How come I still have flash backs to being in 6th grade gym class when I couldn’t climb the rope?
Am I the only person that doesn’t answer their cell phone but just uses it to text? How come they allow Donald Duck to walk around Disney World not wearing pants? What would happen if I went back to my high school and asked to see my “permanent record?” When will people realize that fish are not pets…they are food. Karaoke should be called “A Night For People That Can’t Sing.” Do Japanese people think that any product labeled “Made in USA” is cheap and will probably break? How come a cat is the only animal that poops in a box? How come I don’t break into spontaneous laughter after eating a “Snickers” bar?
If you can answer any of these questions for me then I would appreciate it and if you also think of any of these queries of life…then I will reserve you some space in my rubber room.
I don’t date and I do it by choice. The last time I was on a date was October 23, 2011. The world is one big bowl of nuts and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m probably the walnut but I have figured out there are three types of women that I would avoid at all costs. In no particular order here are the signs:
YOU KNOW THE NAME OF AT LEAST ONE “REAL HOUSEWIFE”: There is nothing “real” about any of these whack jobs. Watching this show is like making a visit to the local mental ward to observe the patients to feel good about yourself. If ya wanna live in fantasy land then dress up like Captain America and go to a comic book convention.
YOU THINK FISH ARE PETS: Let me break the news to ya Moby Dick….anything you can eat is NOT a pet. Fish are a meal. Ya can’t train them and ya can’t pet them. If you actually believe that you are a pet owner because you have a tank on display in your den then ya might wanna consider cooking some pasta and weaving me a basket.
YOU HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS ON YOUR BED: Unless you work at the dime toss booth at the fair and your bedroom is a closet for the prizes you need to be on some sort of medication. You are an adult so start acting like one. Do ya scream for mommy when ya have a bad dream and still play with your Lite Brite when Amanda Bynes won’t answer your tweet? I hope not.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest….I’m going back to posting pictures on facebook of food I’m about to eat and writing various celebrities to ask for autographed pictures. THAT’S normal!
Every day we are confronted with decisions. Sometimes we make good ones and sometimes we make bad ones. That’s just the way of life. I have made MANY mistakes in my time on earth but I can honestly tell you I never woke up and declared “today is the day will finally get my neck tattoo.” If I need open heart surgery and Dr. Feelgood has a neck tattoo saying “Delicious” I’m gonna make sure someone else cuts me open. If I need someone to stand up for me in the court of law I don’t think the guy with “Judge This” on his neck is gonna have any pull with the man in the black robe.
If ya wanna get back in the stupidity line for extra credit then by all means feel free to add a tat on your forehead and maybe a few tear drops beneath your eyes. See how well that goes over on your interview at a Fortune 500 company. There are times when these tattoos are actually beneficial. If I was running a chop shop or was in the market for an arsonist then the guy at the left would be at the top of my list. Unless you are a porn star then you really should care about what ends up on your face. I have a lot more to say about this but I’m late for my tongue piercing.
I don’t understand “comic book people.” I probably would be a bit concerned about my own mental capacity if I DID but I do wonder what these people are thinking. Don’t get me wrong I was a HUGE fan of comic books. I was also EIGHT YEARS OLD at the time. I loved “Heckle and Jeckle” and “Scrooge McDuck” but eventually I put those comic books aside because I realized ducks don’t wear tiny spectacles and can’t become freaking millionaires.
Comic book people eventually graduate to reading about super-heroes. I suppose this is really the only option they have other than playing World of Warcraft and popping accutane. Life really is an uphill struggle during the adolescent years for the “comic book person.” Chances are they also wear braces with rubber bands, play the violin in orchestra and at night they have to put on the “head-gear.” Just picturing this person makes me visualize him having his underwear yanked to the heavens by the captain of the football team during a class change. So ya have a tough three years in high school. Get over it. It’s just a small slice of your lifetime. Once ya graduate a funny thing happens……..ya get a clean slate!!!!
True “comic book people” screw up this golden opportunity and take the nerd train for a few more stops. Some will join Revolutionary War recreation groups. Some will play Dungeons and Dragons and some are beyond help or any type of logical judgement as they will dress up as their favorite super-hero or villain and actually go out in PUBLIC!! Let me address these Super Nerds right now: Look….you are NOT a Storm Trooper, Klingon, Chewbacca or one of the Avengers. You are a freaking adult. Adults don’t wear masks or capes. Star Wars, Star Track, Bat-Man, Iron-Man and Wonder Woman NEVER happened. It’s NOT real so stop making yourself look like a complete clown-ass at the age of thirty-five. While I’m on a roll may I suggest it’s also time to move out of your parent’s house!
I think I have made my point and have vented enough. I’m gonna go play Madden on X-Box. I’m on the team ya know……
So the jackpot on Mega Millions is up to an estimated $640 million! My question is do you REALLY wanna win this? Chances are that if you are reading this you probably have a full set of teeth, can do simple math, and realize that Pearl Harbor is NOT located in Boston. There is also a pretty good chance that if you played Mega Millions this weekend then you are after the jackpot and NOT a regular lottery player.
Let’s discuss this regular lottery player. He/She likes to parade around in sandals with socks. Wherever they DO work they can’t be offering a dental plan because their teeth resemble a worn out rake. I’m pretty much positive that they floss with rope. They stand in line on a mission. Nothing is gonna get through them, their coffee stained sweatpants, and their already filled out Mega Millions card. The cliff note version of the game is ya gotta pick six numbers. Basically one number for every illegitimate child a seasoned lottery player has. One of the numbers has to be the “Mega Ball.” Again it’s called a “Mega Ball” not to be confused with a “smegma ball” which I assume every regular male lottery player is in possession of.
Now that we all can agree on the stereotypical lottery player how can we NOT pray that he or she isn’t the winner. We’re not talking about anyone that is gonna give Warren Buffet a run for his money. Once they take the lump sum (and why wouldn’t ya), get ready for the biggest Wal-Mart shopping spree in history! Everyone in the family gets a new CB radio. Watch the profits of John Deere soar. I can’t wait for the magical moment when Mom breaks the news to her nine kids: “Put on your best wife-beater…the one without the spaghetti sauce stain, we finally going to SUPER Target!!!” How about that great moment when she calls her sister in Kentucky to break the news? “Mary Lou? We be millionaires!! Tell that husband of yours and cousin of mine that we are gonna get him a fake leg made out of cherry wood. That way his knee won’t get warm standing round the bonfire in the fall.”
I’d say more but the drawing is almost here. I need to get my tickets, a 12-pack of Natural Light and some Redman!