I grew up outside of Cleveland, Ohio in the suburbs.  My parents bought a house that backed up to acres and acres of woods.  I remember every evening around dusk the rabbits would come out to graze.  I was probably four years old during this first memory and even then I physically towered over these harmless hares.

One day my mother said to me “Come on, we’re going to the mall to see the Easter Bunny.”  In my mind this was the Ultimate Bunny.  A rabbit that was able to visit the world during a single night to bestow candy and eggs to all the girls and boys.  I was excited.

I wasn’t prepared for what awaited me at the mall.  Instead of seeing the little animal that innocently hopped around my backyard every night I was greeted by a gargantuan.  This was a rabbit on roids.  It towered over me and it had the ability to walk on two feet and sit in an overstuffed chair.  This wasn’t a “bunny” this was a monster sent from Alice’s Wonderland to capture and transform me into a human peep.  I remember screaming like an extra in a Halloween movie as mom led me by my hand towards this buck-toothed barbaric bunny.  Surely I was about to be sacrificed right in front of Spencer Gifts.  If you think I’m alone in feeling this way CLICK HERE.

There will be NO carrots left at my house for the Easter Bunny.  Thanks to ADT my alarm will be set and I will sleep with one eye open just in case that huge-headed-hare decides THIS is the year he comes back for me.