POST OFFICE ANGER

I live in a gated community where no one has a mailbox at the end of their driveway.  We all have a central area where everyone has their own box and a key to open the box and retrieve their mail.   This would seem like a great gig for anyone that works for the Postal Service since they stay in one central area, don’t have to drive door to door and basically just stay in an air-conditioned building and sort through the mail and stick the contents in their specific slot.  Well this is not the case with Delores.

Delores has yelled…yes I do mean yelled….at me because I don’t stop by to pick up my mail every day.   Look….I don’t subscribe to any magazines so the only mail I receive is my bills and junk mail that I don’t want to get anyhow.  I was pretty sick about two weeks ago and didn’t stop to get my mail for one week.  I was expecting to get yelled at again but I wasn’t prepared for what Delores had done.  I opened my mail box and nothing was there except a neon yellow slip marked “VACANT.”  I was confused.  I didn’t know what that meant.  I knocked on the door where the postal workers are and fully expected Delores to come at me with a spear but it was her day off and she wasn’t there.  When I explained my ongoing problem with Delores to one of her co-workers and showed him my neon yellow slip all he could mutter was “That’s not good.”

I was informed that “VACANT” tells anyone that is sending me something in the mail that I have LEFT my house and did not supply a forwarding address.  That means I had to go home and call ALL of my services….satellite TV, cable, phone company, water etc. to let them know I hadn’t skipped town.  Anyone that has called any of these services knows that you don’t get right through…there is a tremendous amount of time on hold listening to a long oboe solo.  To say I’m angry is an understatement.  I want my justifiable revenge but this is a government agency and I almost feel helpless.

Any suggestions you may have would be greatly appreciated.  In the meantime….I’m afraid as the customer….I am about to go POSTAL!

There are a lot of things in this world I don’t understand and no matter how hard I try I don’t think some will ever become clear to me.  The Running of the Bulls is one of those things.  This annual event kicked off today with the first of eight runs with six powerful bulls chasing thousands of people through the streets of Pamplona.  I have never really seen a bull up close but I know he has two sharp horns protruding from his head, he weighs a hell of a lot more than me and I really believe I should stay the hell out of his way at all times.

I should also point out that I am an animal lover.  Maybe not a 100% animal lover because I hate spiders, I’m not fond of snakes and possums are kind of prissy and for their size I think they need a serious attitude adjustment.  Bulls get a bad rap.  No one likes someone who is “bull-headed” and no one is a fan of “bullshit” but what did the bulls do to be teased and tormented like this?  Imagine being caged up with five of your buddies and a bunch of drunken, screaming lunatics are running circles around you down a cobblestone road in the heat of summer.  I don’t know about you but I would be a bit pissed and want to put those horns on my dome to use.

Since they started keeping records in 1924 fifteen people have been gored to death by the bulls.  I wish I could be the coach of these bulls because I think they can do much better than that.  Today six people were injured including a 73 year-old that was gored.   That’s right a 73 year-old.  Usually you stop being a dumb ass when you retire and just piss people off by not knowing how to drive and taking too much time at the post office.

Well there are seven more runs to go and I hope you’ll join me in cheering “Let’s Go Bulls!!!!”