Posts Tagged ‘health’

We all are pretty much aware of the hype about the Mayan calendar and how this is supposed to be the final year that this planet survives.  I didn’t buy into any of it but if you assess the happenings of the past month you may be changing your mind as well.

John Travolta, the guy that broke women’s hearts in Saturday Night Fever, has been accused of groping the packages of three different men during a massage.  Just a few years ago we would teach abstinence in our schools to prevent teen pregnancy….now Teen Mom’s are big stars on TV.    Women that had anger issues and drinking problems are the type of people you would expect men to avoid—-now they are referred to as “Real Housewives.”  We had a guy in Miami that was nude and eating the freaking FACE off of a homeless guy and some guy in New Jersey was throwing his own intestines at the police.

The biggest city in our country is gonna limit the size of soft drinks because they are concerned about our health yet you can still buy an extra-large pizza with triple cheese.  Next thing ya know detainees at Guantanamo Bay will claim to have been tortured by Sesame Street characters.  What???  They have????  Time for me to get ready for a garage sale because it seems like we have about six months left.

Take a look at the items to the left.  Do you know what they are?  At first it looks like those water rockets you would play with as a kid but that is FAAAAAR from the truth.  This apparatus is called a Post-T-Vac.  When I hear that term I think of a vacuum cleaner that sweeps up unwanted post-it notes.  Wrong you are again Robin.  Lately I have been suffering from insomnia so that means I am exposed to a lot of infomercials for late night TV.  The other night I saw the infomercial for the Post-T-Vac.  I found a two-minute video that pretty much explains its purpose.  Click HERE.

Yup….this thing and its accoutrements are to be put on your male member.  It promises to show results in four minutes.  There is NO WAY I’m putting my manhood in this salad shredder.  Did you look at the commercial?  Who ARE these people.  I PRAY these guys have erectile dysfunction because there is no way we want these couples procreating unless we wanna go back to Darwin’s waiting room.

They also say that the Post-T-Vac is covered by insurance.  Really?  You wanna make that call to Blue Cross?  “Hello Blue Cross??  Dick Limpy here.  I need you guys to fork over some cash so I can stuff my over cooked noodle in a small vacuum cleaner.  Hello?  Hello??”  They also claim it’s “clinically proven.”  I know times are tough but I don’t wanna be working in THAT clinic.  These dudes coming in sticking their magic sticks inside a sucking beaker until they get it right?  Show me how the guys that were part of that study are walking today.  I bet they look like a pirate looking for his parrot.

They also promise that it’s “delivered discretely” and it’s “100% guaranteed.”  Well good God I would hope so.  I don’t need my Fed Ex guy ringing the doorbell, asking me to sign for my package and saying “Use this pen because it’s probably the only hard thing you’ll put in your hand for awhile.”  About that 100% guarantee.  Do you really wanna be working in the mail room when the returns come in?  That job may actually be worse than when they conducted the “clinical study.”

I could say more but I need to do my “Total Insanity” workout and put some “Wen” in my hair.