Entertainment

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brazil violenceSo yesterday in the World Cup, hosting country Brazil was embarrassed by Germany 7-1.  To me…big deal…there has to be a  winner and a loser in any team competition but that wasn’t the case in Brazil.

Brazilians went nuts.  An announcement was made for German fans to stay inside the stadium so they could be escorted out for their safety.  Really?  If my country just got embarrassed on national TV the last thing I would wanna do is act like a bunch of crazies that escaped from Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory.

Brazil…ya lost.  How does setting a couch on fire in a furniture store change that?  I’m a Browns fan…I can’t imagine how many cars I would have flipped over in my lifetime if I acted like these idiots.  One of my complaints about soccer is that it’s so boring because no one scores.  Yesterday was exciting for me because I saw a shitload of goals but I never expected what I watched.  I’d understand walking out of the stadium with my head hung low and maybe stopping for a few post game brews to drown my sorrows but the last thing I’d expect is someone grabbing a 55 gallon drum on fire and tossing it through a coffee shop’s window.

I take back my original thought when the World Cup began a few weeks ago….soccer isn’t boring at all.

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im crazyI’m not crazy I just lay everything on the table and am brutally honest.  I was on a job interview a week ago and the General Manager asked, what I think, is a silly question:  “Why do you want this job?”  I told the truth “Because right now you are doing it all wrong.”

I have OCD, clinically diagnosed, and that’s no secret to those that know me.  I’m an expert at making eggs sunny side up.  I have to eat around the yolk because I need to put the entire unbroken yolk in my mouth at once…told ya life with me is a day at the fun house.

I wasn’t blessed with a hairless body and sometimes there is a need to shave portions of my back.  Let me tell you there is no way to look cool and attempt to remove these unwanted patches.  I swear I’m gonna dislocate my shoulder one of these days.

I floss with dental tape (not floss) at least five times a day and I think the feeling of a Q-Tip with warm water in my ear is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

It bothers me when  people on morning TV say “As you head out the door this morning….”—-where else are you gonna vacate your home?  Ya gonna rappel down the side of your house from your second story window?

I love the smell of a magic marker.  I believe you need to have Glass Plus within reach at all times.  I have a King Size bed with a sleep number mattress…..I don’t sleep in my bed.  I sleep on the couch and MUST have a TV on 24 hours a day.

I really get pissed when someone is mean to an older person.  Old people have knowledge….talk to them…they have many answers we seek.

I have never owned a bathrobe and I never will unless I decide to go after a black belt in karate.  When I see televised arm wrestling I assume those that are watching are never gonna be able to split an atom.

I live alone so I spend most of my day in my boxers…..only bad thing about that is Tuesday and Friday nights when I wheel out my garbage….sorry neighbors…just look away.

I could go on…but ya just might think I’m crazy.

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psychicSomeone recently told me I should see a psychic to help me in my job search.  I didn’t want to be rude so I just didn’t respond.  A psychic has mastered the art of bullshit.  I don’t blame him/her for what they do and if you wanna throw your money at someone with a Magic 8 ball and a box of incense, by all means do it.

I don’t need a psychic to get a job….my resume speaks for itself but I can’t help but laugh when I see those “California Psychics” advertise on late night TV.  One guy says “My reader told me I was physically active and see’s me owning my own yoga studio one day.”  No shit Einstein you are dressed in a full body running suit with a sweat towel draped around your neck.

Women really seem to enjoy psychics and I think it’s because they make themselves easy to read.  It’s the jewelry.  Birthstone for month they were born, wedding ring or engagement ring for relationship status, heirloom ring usually on right hand.  We’re not talking rocket science here people.   For that matter I must be psychic because I see a nap in my future.

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usa SOCCER FANI’m watching the World Cup and I admit it and chances are you are as well….but be honest….the majority of us have not become “fans” of the sport.  We have jumped on the “Bandwagon” and that is something Americans have always loved to do.

Remember the two weeks after 9-11?  Everyone flying the American flag from  their cars and wearing NYPD hats?  President Bush had a 91% approval rating and the two-party system ceased to exist.   We truly were the “United States of America.”  Those days are long gone.  No one can talk politics in a civil matter and we haven’t learned a thing from that tragic day as we continue to stick our nose where it doesn’t belong.

So how does this relate to the World Cup?  The majority of people in this country  aren’t FANS of the game, we just wanna cheer for our country and there is nothing wrong with that at all.  Every time our team wins it does something right that makes us very proud inside—something this country has not done for me since the terrible day of 9-11.

Soccer is, was and will continue to be boring to watch.  The biggest story coming out of the World Cup was some guy biting another guy…..and this was the THIRD time he did it.  You bite me and I’m grabbing a grenade from one of the terrorists in the stands and I’m blowing that guy up like he’s in a “Hostel” movie.

I’d write more but the USA bandwagon is coming down my street and I need to jump on it.

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facebookI am a chronic facebooker.  I think it’s a great social media tool to stay in touch with friends, make new ones, and learn from others if you are open to a different opinion than yours.

Opinions can’t be wrong….they are just the way someone feels but the person that posts their opinion believes it to be true.  For instance:  I believe we never landed on the moon and the Shuttle missions were mainly used to deploy military spy and defense satellites.  A lot of people then would join the thread and call me crazy, paranoid, anti-American and probably an animal hater.  It’s just my opinion….no need to dink the hater-ade (although I AM right).

Some other random thoughts on facebook; people that use a picture of their pet or an avatar freak me out.  Checking into Wal-Mart is not a huge accomplishment.  If your kid is having a birthday then it’s obligatory to post a pic of your kid with cake on his face.  When someone switches their status to “in a relationship” I always wonder how long it will last until they change it to “single.”  There is no reason to poke anyone.  If I wanted to play “Candy Crush” I would already be playing…your invite doesn’t sway me.  I’ll look past the “toes in the sand” and the “I have a drink with a lot of fruit in it” because that is just to big of a battle to fight.

I could be wrong….but it’s just my opinion.

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Redskins Name FootballI’m not politically correct.  I’m 100% Polish and I LOVE a good Pollock joke.  I’m the last guy you would refer to as a racist and that’s probably why I don’t see what the big deal is about the Washington Redskin’s logo.

Some have said to me “How would you feel if a team were to be called “The Pollocks?”  I’d love it.   I can see people at a Pollock game yelling “What type of dumb play was that?”  I’d laugh and say “What do you expect from a team called The Pollocks?”

Again, my level of sensitivity to this subject is VERY low but I will tell ya what pisses me off:  Thanksgiving and Columbus Day.  Columbus was a very bad man.  In 1500, the Crown had him removed as governor, arrested, and transported in chains to Spain yet we have a day honoring him?

Thanksgiving?  The Pilgrims landed here, befriended the Native Americans and then took their land.  For this we have a four-day weekend and a giant parade.  Santa Claus is at the end of the parade so he must be after your casinos.

I completely understand those that take issue with Thanksgiving and Columbus Day but making such an issue of something on the side of a football helmet or a baseball cap?  I just don’t see it but would love to hear your comments.  Have a great weekend.

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Raw meatSunday mornings, as a kid, I would have to wash both family cars.  I would always listen to Casey Kasem on my “boom-box” counting down the forty most popular songs in America.  As I write this the former host of AT 40  lies gravely ill and his second wife has been accused of throwing raw meat at her step-daughter Kerri.  Let me run that by you one more time……Jean Kasem was launching raw meat at Casey’s daughter, Kerri.

Jean Kasem doesn’t deny this but who would think of pelting a family member with ground chuck?  I’d understand a leg of lamb or a smoked herring but raw meat?  Have you checked the price of raw meat in stores these days?  Perhaps one of Dad’s old 45’s from ELO would make more sense.  Casey Kasem is bedridden with lung and bladder infections and allegedly has a form of dementia—in a way that may be a blessing because he won’t remember his nutball second wife hurling hamburger at his daughter.

So what does Jean Casem have to say about these allegations?  She told NBC News:  “In the name of King David, I threw a piece of raw meat into the street in exchange for my husband to the wild rabid dogs”  I’m not kidding.  I’m not well versed in the words of King David and his alleged endorsement of flogging someone with flank steak but in my ten minutes of trying to google a connection the closest I came was in the book of Samuel where King David would roast raw meat instead of eating boiled meat.   The only thing that bit of information does for me is clearly the meat in question couldn’t be corned beef.

Now…..on with the countdown.

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3 stoogesProfessional athletes, marijuana, and our government….been thinking about these topics over the weekend because they all are linked together by one common factor:  stupidity.

Follow me here….or if you can’t that’s good because it will illustrate my point at how it is said “we must all get along” when in actuality all we do is contradict ourselves.

The government has spent  one trillion dollars on the “War on Drugs” since 1971.  Millions are spent every day guarding the southwest borders  of our country so marijuana isn’t smuggled into our country.  Twenty two of our states and The District of Columbia have legalized it albeit mostly for medical purposes.  Two states, Colorado and Washington, have made marijuana legal for personal use.  If someone told me…”show up to work early, but only work to 50% of your potential, take a short lunch, spend 30 minutes juggling bowling pins and the rest of the afternoon pretend to be working at your desk but we want you to be surfing facebook and making posts of how much you hate it here”….that would make more sense.  In fact we all know the latter of my absurd situation happens quite frequently.

Professional athletes.  Quite the oxy-moron don’t ya think?  They get millions to run fast and jump high.  They sign contracts that guarantee them millions knowing they will be tested for marijuana (Yes the same plant that is legal medically in 22 states and legal in 2) yet they still insist on smoking weed.

Let’s look at the case of Cleveland Browns wide receiver:  he received a scholarship to play at Baylor…in 2010 he and a teammate were found sound asleep in the drive thru at a local Taco Bell and weed in the car.  In July 2011 he was suspended from the Baylor team for a positive marijuana test.  He transferred to Utah but decided to just sit out a year and go for the NFL.  July 2012 he gets a 5.3  million dollar deal with the Browns……that’ll by ya a lot of chicken soft tacos.  In June 2013 he was suspended by NFL for first two games of that season for………YES testing positive for weed.  He had a great year last year with the most receiving yards in the NFL and being named to the Pro Bowl.  Guess what happened May 9, 2014?  I think you have this story figured out and Gordon more than likely will be suspended for the year.   Our story doesn’t end there…a week ago…Gordon gets pulled over for speeding, cop smells weed, and one of the three passengers produces a bag with less than 200 grams of marijuana.   Ya know that’s good stuff….millionaire weed…I can picture them speeding because Taco Bell was about to close.  Gordon was ticketed just for speeding and not for possession of the pot because his friend said it was his……REALLY?   Ya want me to believe that???  Here is what probably happened:  Cue siren and lights…GORDON: “Oh shit.  Hey Levi hold this bag.   LEVI:  Are you crazy?   GORDON:  I’ll give ya $100K when we get back to the crib.    LEVI:  Gimmie that bag.

Our government and professional athletes…the best Stooge routine ever.

 

 

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Champ as a dogOn December 7, 2013 I said good bye to my best friend.  He was a 14 ½ year old black lab named Champ.  I held him in my arms as he was put to sleep and his journey to the Rainbow Bridge began.  Champ was not just a dog.  He truly was the best friend I ever or will have.  We were constant companions and we really did take care of each other.

Champ never needed a leash because I had him since he was 6 weeks old and I taught him to always remain within twenty feet of me.  I could let him outside and I didn’t have to watch him.  He knew his boundaries and when he was ready to come back in he would open the gate on his own (taught him that as well) and he would just lay down patiently by the back door.

We would always sleep in my king size bed and when he got too old to make the jump I ended up sleeping on the couch so he could be near me.  For the past three years I have been sleeping on the couch and even after his passing I continue to do so.

The first two weeks without my friend I cried non-stop.  This wasn’t just a pet….I was alone without my best friend.  Those of you that knew Champ know what I am talking about.  Everyone would always say “that truly is the best dog ever.”  He was and always will be.

When I first got Champ I was stumped in choosing out a name.  I was watching the NFL Draft and they mentioned a rookie player named “Champ Bailey.”  I immediately knew the name of my friend:  He would be called “Champ.”

Today Champ Bailey is in is fifteenth NFL season with the Denver Broncos.  Champ Bailey has never been to a Super Bowl until this year.  In less than two weeks I will be cheering for Champ and his Broncos because I truly believe my best friend is a world champion as well.

I really miss my friend but honestly believe that a Super Bowl victory for Champ Bailey and his Broncos will be a fitting ending to my best friends time here on earth.  I will be watching the game with my best friend’s spirit and hope to one day shake that wonderful paw in congratulations at the Rainbow Bridge. I miss you friend.