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sewer pump

When I was a kid (some will argue that I still am) I looked forward to going on class field trips.  You would miss a half a day of school; get to take along a sack lunch filled with junk food and fight to sit in the back seat of the bus.  In elementary school it was fun to sit in the back seat of the bus and make faces at cars that stopped behind you at a red light.  In high school those that sat in the back seat usually smoked Marlboro Reds, carried knives and now are either working as bouncers or have been featured on episodes of “The First 48.”

Most field trips were educational and served a purpose.  We went to the Natural History Museum, the local fire department, the zoo and the art museum.  I’m not saying that being in fifth grade and looking at a Monet was exhilarating but it got me out of playing crab soccer and trying to climb the rope in gym class so I’ll gladly take the former.

There was one field trip, however, that both traumatized and confused me as to what the intended purpose was supposed to be.  One day my fourth grade class piled into the yellow school buses for our trip to the Strongsville Pumping Station.  If you are confused about what a pumping station is and what purpose it serves allow me to enlighten you.  Sewer pumping stations (also called lift stations) are used to move wastewater to higher elevations in order allow transport by gravity flow. Sewage is fed into and stored in a sealed underground pit, commonly known as a wet well.  In common speak we ventured to the spot where all the shit water from the city comes together.

I remember descending down a spiral staircase with my classmates until we were probably five stories beneath street level.  There we were able to view the raw sewage flowing like we were stuck in a tropical storm in a Third World Country.  My conscious mind is still scarred with the indelible tattoo of seeing cigarette butts, toilet paper, turds that looked like Lincoln Logs and a red rubber ball.  Not exactly a Kodak moment or a suggested tourist attraction (although it does parallel a visit to your local water park).

Looking back I did learn two things from our field trip that day.  People in my hometown don’t chew their food and I understand the need and popularity of bottled water.

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Kap

One of the things I have learned in life (besides not asking for a phone number at last call) is that your first reaction is not necessarily the right reaction.  Colin Kaepernick is a quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers and he is the talk of the country this morning.  It’s not because of what he did on the football field it’s because of what he did, or actually didn’t do, off the football field.

On Friday night he sat on the bench and refused to stand for the National Anthem prior to the game against the Green Bay Packers.  My initial reaction was one of outrage as I believe, or have been conditioned, to stand, place my hand over my heart and remove my cap when the aforementioned anthem is played.  Kaepernick refused to stand and he makes millions of dollars playing a “game” in a country of freedom.  What was his reason behind this refusal?  “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color,” Kaepernick told NFL Media in an exclusive interview after the game. “To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”  Hmmmm.  My initial reaction was “what a dick.”  (Trent Richardson, former Browns first round pick does the same thing but it’s at his house, on the couch with 15 family members running around like bulls in Mexico but that’s because he sucks and can’t find a team that wants him to put on a helmet).

After I thought about it (translation:  Having a martini and trolling on Plenty of Fish) I realize the very fact that he can do what he did is what this country was built upon.  Freedom of speech.  Do I agree?  No.  That’s not the point.  We can’t let our hearts rule our mind.  We need to concentrate on the first Amendment to our Constitution.  If you are like me then you never paid attention in American History and instead looked at the blossoming breasts of your fellow female classmates (am I being TOO honest?).  Let me refresh your mammary:  Freedom of speech is the right to communicate one’s opinions and ideas without fear of government retaliation or censorship.

Although I do not agree with his decision I have to respect his right to do so.  The irony is that many Americans have fought, and given their lives, for his right to sit on his ass during the playing of our National Anthem.  Football players are tough.  I challenge Mr. Kaepernick to do this in front of a veteran as I believe those are our true heroes and their dedication and sacrifice has nothing to do with three hours on sixteen Sundays out of the year.

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shit

Something has happened to me within the past year……I just don’t give a shit anymore.  Now don’t assume that I don’t care because that is totally different.  I think the greatest strength one can have is to admit and address their greatest weakness.  Looking back at my mistakes in life (and I have made more than most people) I realize that the majority of them were made because I actually gave a shit about what people thought of me (that and too many shots).

When you give a shit you tend to get angry with people that don’t agree with you or question what you say.  Getting dropped as a friend on Facebook is a great example.  There are people out there that react to this action like a loved one was injured in a car crash.  Telemarketers are another great example.  I used to have a meltdown when they would call even though I registered on the “do not call list” (it’s run by our government so why would you expect it to be effective?).  I now look forward to these calls and using my creativity and mind to frustrate them to the point that they raise their voice and/or hang up.  Then I laugh like Vincent Price at the end of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

So what do I care about?  My mother, my faith in God, kindness, empathy, unselfishness, being polite, respecting your elders, TV and cold beer to name a few.  I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I don’t give a shit who ya vote for and I really don’t give a shit what ya made for dinner and posted on Facebook.  I used to have a terrible temper which leads to anger and usually then to yelling or screaming.  We all have done it but step back for a moment and think about when you witness others doing it.  It affects their credibility and even if they are correct they give the impression that they aren’t confident in their opinion.  If they did they would relish in the concept of getting others to, as my father used to say, scream and yell like a “raped ape.”

Now there are situations where you may not give a shit but they suddenly turn into a situation you care about.  A good example of this is those that text and drive.  If they happen to drive off a bridge, land in a canal and become an afternoon snack for an alligator I really don’t give a shit.  If they rear end an innocent party and that person ends up looking like they were arrested by the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Department then I care.

Life is a strange, unpredictable and a stressful journey.  What you think matters in the moment usually will not matter in the future.  Want to know what really puts everything in perspective?  Bury a parent, a child or anyone you love.  We all are here for a reason and it’s not to have a big house, expensive car, eat at a fancy restaurant or have a three hundred dollar purse (My wallet cost twenty bucks and I think I have six bucks in it and three quarters in my pants…….which I never wear at home).  There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming (think Crystal Pepsi).  People that say “I want you to be honest” really mean “I want you to agree with me.”  I have learned that those that say that to you actually are insecure of their own beliefs and abilities.   Feel free to disagree with me but just know that I really don’t give a shit.

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caitlyn

So I’m looking at the cover of Sports Illustrated and Bruce Jenner is wearing his gold medal from 1976 around his neck, his cleavage is showing and he looks stunning in his sequin gown.  I just read the previous sentence out loud and wondered how my father would respond if he still were alive and we were just talking on the phone.  Look….I really don’t care what ya do, who ya do it with, where ya do it or when ya do it.  Nobody is getting hurt and that applies to the above magazine cover.  I just happen to think it’s fucking weird.

Let me be fair.  There are probably many things that I do on a daily basis that I consider to be within the norm that would prompt you to call the guys with butterfly nets to come and take me away to a place where I would spend my days weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti but I don’t think I’m alone when I sigh and mutter “That’s weird.”  The guy that won the decathlon in 1976 wore silk shorts that barely concealed his finger shaped organ, had a haircut like one of The Monkey’s and then draped an American flag over his shoulders in a picture that was forever captured on the side of a cereal box.  His name was Bruce Jenner.  It wasn’t Caitlyn and he wasn’t wearing a Vera Wang cocktail dress and Jimmy Choo shoes.  I know I sound like a hypocrite for saying I think it’s weird and at the same time I don’t care what ya do but I think you can do both and still be normal.

Take Progressive Insurance and Flo for example.  What good does her bleach white outfit and Lucy Van Pelt haircut do me the next time I wrap my Harley around a tree?  I didn’t think this was possible but I feel like I have confused myself and I actually feel like I can be part of a conversation those guys in the Sonic commercials have.  Now THOSE guys are fucking weird.

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thank you

What has happened to the “T” word?  It used to be prevalent but now it’s virtually non-existent.  In case you are not aware of the word I am referring to it’s “thank you.”   The “T” word is very powerful and for some reason it seems as though we are afraid to use it.  The same can be said for “please” and “you’re welcome.”

I was seeing my heart surgeon yesterday and it affected me both physically but more so mentality.  I had a heart block back in September of 2015 that left me in a coma for six days and the intensive care unit for three weeks.  The first couple of days were very precarious as they could not be sure that I would survive.  In retrospect I needed to crash.  This was a gift.  It was a spiritual awakening.

Doctors always move fast.  They appear to be in a hurry because they ARE in a hurry.  Many people need their attention so their furious pace is quite understandable.  As my doctor sat down with me and asked how I was doing I think he expected my response to be “fine” or “pretty good.”  Instead I replied “When someone holds the door open for us we usually respond with a half-hearted ‘thank you.’  You have given me a second chance in life.  I don’t feel that saying ‘thank you’ truly illustrates my appreciation for what you did.  I am a different person and I promise I won’t let you down.”

A strange thing happened.  He slowed down, stopped for a second, and replied “You don’t have to thank me as it was my duty to give you the best medical care but do know that you have just made my day.”  Wow.  This is a brilliant man who has saved many lives and just my words of appreciation were enough to make a difference in his day.  We need to return to a society that cares about each other.  We don’t have to agree with one another but we need to be tolerant and respectful of one another.  After my visit with the doctor I had to go to a lab for some blood work.  The kind woman who was to draw my blood noticed I was carrying the book “America the Beautiful” by Dr. Ben Carson.  We then discussed how she and her husband enjoy reading and how she made sure to pass that indulgence down to her children and grandchildren.  The point here is simple.  If we take the time to be kind to one another then it gives us an opportunity to take the word “strange” out of stranger.

This is a fast paced society but the irony is that our time here on earth is actually very short.  I try to make a difference or learn something new every day.  Imagine what a different world we would live in if everyone made this their mission statement.  Enjoy your day, hug those you love and “THANK YOU” for reading this.

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memorial day

So tomorrow I turn 52 and I ask myself “what have I truly learned?”  I have made MANY mistakes in life.  Many.  I have acted selfishly and probably hurt a lot of people along the way.  This probably isn’t what God wanted me to do but every day I read a plaque that my mother recently passed down to me.  It’s from Proverbs:  “In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.”

I’m not a bible thumper and this isn’t about your relationship with God.  That is personal and I respect your beliefs and what you decide to do with your beliefs.  This about what I have learned through my massive faults and it is my hope that you can relate or avoid some challenges you have yet to face.

  • Dad told me when I was young “Your parents are the best friends you will ever have.” Best advice he ever gave me.
  • You think you know pain until you have to bury a parent.
  • You see a piece of shit in the road walk around it and not through it.
  • No matter how mad you may be at someone close to you, hug them and tell them you love them.
  • Say please, thank you and you’re welcome.
  • There is something “after this.” When I had my heart block, died for 45 seconds and was in a coma for 6 days I saw a portion of it and it’s real.
  • Respect difference of opinion by reminding yourself 85% of this world truly is stupid.
  • As you get older you will find out who your “true friends” are. You probably will be able to count them on one hand.
  • Not all people have your best interests in mind. They will use you for their benefit and ignore you when you are no longer in a position to fulfill their selfish needs.
  • Talk and listen to those that are elderly. They have more knowledge than any library and are more than eager to share it with you.

I have to be honest.  I wish I could follow my advice at all times but there are situations I stray from my path and, quite frankly, find myself as a hypocrite.    All we can do is try our hardest each day and live our day as it’s our last as one day we will be correct.

They say there is nothing God gives us that we can’t handle.  I have found myself many times staring at the heavens and saying “Are ya freaking kidding me.  I can’t take it.”  Then, weeks or months later, I found I could take it and I needed to learn from what seemed to be the impossible.

What is truly important is Memorial Day.  It is a day set aside for those men and women who have given their lives for this country.  Think about that before ya light the grill.  They gave their lives.  This day was actually created by former slaves that wanted a day to honor former Union soldiers that perished in battle.  Veterans Day is a day set aside to honor all that have served.  I just learned that the other day so please don’t think I am the wise guru seated at the top of the mountain.

May you enjoy this weekend, remember our lost soldiers, hug your loved ones and appreciate this beautiful world that has been created for us.