I always knew I was different. When I was a teenager I was afraid to go to the counter at McDonalds and place an order for fear I would get it wrong or they would laugh at me. Humor became the perfect mask. If I could make people laugh they would not see my faults. I fell in love with radio. That “mystery man” behind the mic that would talk to me, I wanted, and got, that life. Although I was very successful I was running from an illness and eventually I crashed in February of 2011.
I have OCD, am bi-polar, suffer from depression and severe social anxiety disorder. I have been in therapy for nine years and my doctor saved my life. Depression is not just “being in a bad mood.” It’s a feeling of all other options running out and desperation. It makes suicide seem logical (as illogical as that may seem). So how did I do my job, be successful at it, and hide it from everyone? It started with alcohol. It gave me the courage to walk in a room, size people up, and own it. At an event I would continue to drink to feed the monster that wanted to come out. When that wasn’t enough I turned to drugs. Self medicating was the way I solved my problems before I found help. I was never a druggie in high school or college or in my early adult life but I can honestly say I became an addict. I have learned that addiction is a terrible disease and through the help of my therapist he has taught me how to control it and not let it control me.
I also found out that it’s okay to be scared. I don’t have all the answers to the tribulations we face in life but in 2015 I was in a coma for six days because I almost let that monster inside of me win. That was rock bottom for me. For the past seven years I have concentrated on fixing myself. For some reason God has let me survive to fulfill a specific mission that I have yet to discover. I have been blessed to actually see what awaits us. That first night in my coma the doctors were sure I would not see the morning. I truly am someone that got a second chance and that, among other reasons, is why I have decided to go home to Cleveland. It is my sincere hope that others that may have these feelings know they are not alone. My mom says I tell everyone everything and have no filter. She is correct but no one can appreciate the success without tasting the failure. Every new day is a blessing and there is no guarantee. Thank you for reading this and remember “never give up.”
Keep it going positive dude. Nice job.
Thanks Dave…..looking forward to moving home.
Well said my friend!!
Thanks for taking the time to read it.