I have dated a lot of women and I always make the wrong decision. I stay with the ones I shouldn’t and I screw up the ones I should have stayed with. I’m the first one to admit that I have my issues and I’ll never get that second call back to be on the cover of Men’s Fitness but if there were a prize for dating Looney-Tunes I would be on the top podium, receiving a gold medal, while they played the Star-Spangled Banner.
Think this is just in my head? Here are some of the highlights of the people I have spent time with in the past ten years: One was afraid to leave the house, one threw a soup can at me, one had to sleep with ALL the lights on and hold her baby blanket, one slept with one of my friends, one drank a bottle of wine every night, one had fourteen felony convictions for prescription fraud and tried to frame me with the police, one asked me to stick a beach towel in a co-workers gas tank and set it on fire and one actually thought PEARL HARBOR was in BOSTON!
I am considering an advisory council like they had in Flashdance. Three people sitting at a table and observing what the potential date has to offer. I feel between those three they would be able to find any existing red flags that I am obviously immune to. That’s a great idea if ya look like Brad Pitt but at this point in my life I’m a cross between Michael Chicklas and an ass with eyes. If a female packs my groceries at the supermarket I feel like I have game.
So the logical conclusion for me in 2012 is NO DATING AT ALL. I doubt this becomes a trending topic on Twitter but its something I need to do. On the upside….my right arm should become much bigger.
Haha! Good luck with that! 🙂 My friends have told me my “picker” is broken so I’m just living life without “trying” to date anyone. Much happier!
Well I’m gonna REALLY try. BTW, Congrats on your new gig. Happy for you!
WOW… that is a whole lot of CRAZY!!! Can’t say I blame you for taking a year off… must take a lot to recover from that much insanity.
If ya learn from your mistakes then it’s beneficial. Problem with me is I continue my pattern. Time to break the pattern! Thanks for reading!
well well well – isn’t that a group of gals??? geez, blowin up cars, and pearl harbor…come on…My dating has been much more boring!
I love this. Because I have known some of those crazy stories. You are still one of the funniest men alive to me. I’d sell you a beer and gossip with you all day about the ‘crazies’. Glad I found your blog – when the rest of the world sucks I can log-on and get a great laugh.
Katie!!!!! U r soooooooo kind. Hope u r well. 🙂