Real Housewives

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Justin BieberRole models.  When I hear people complain that sports stars and celebrities OWE their fans to be a good role model I cringe.  Sports stars and celebrities live in a privileged word that is not conducive to the real world 99% of us live in.

Justin Bieber is simply a spoiled brat that is in need of a good spanking.  I would want to go backstage just to put this punk over my knee and hit him with my mother’s wooden spoon.   We are to blame, as a society, for creating this monster.  Justin Bieber (for whatever reason) is a pop star.  That’s where it should end.  He shouldn’t be expected to exemplify good morals and good behavior.  He shouldn’t be considered a “peer” among your teenage kids.  The only “role model” a child should have is their parents.  That’s the responsibility you signed up for when you decided to bring a life into this crazy world.

Justin Bieber expects to be treated differently.  He expects you to “kiss the ring.”  He illustrates his gratitude of becoming a multi-millionaire through teenage concert ticket sales by spitting on his fans from a hotel terrace.  I shouldn’t just single out Justin Bieber for the list of pop culture vermin is long and plentiful.  Kim Kardashian became a star because a video tape of Ray J putting his tool in her “no-go hole” went viral.  I’m sorry but if that is what it takes to be a “star” I will pass on the initiation.

I am amazed by those that follow and revere any of the “Real Housewives.”  If ya wanna laugh at them and their sorry existence I can understand that but to praise them and fuel their gold digging mentality really is a sad comment of your own existence.  Let’s call these women what they truly are “Pretentious whores of _________ county”  Would you let your child be baby sat by one of these botox injected skanks?   Probably not.

I think we all were at one time a “know it all” teenager that was embarrassed to be seen in public with our parents.  I also remember something my late father told me in the basement of our home in Strongsville, Ohio:  “You will eventually realize that your mother and father will be the best friends you will ever have.”

Dad…you were right.  I’m just glad you passed before I had to attempt to explain Honey Boo-Boo.

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question markLife is strange…I think we all can agree on that but there are things that perplex me on a daily basis.  Why do people watch “Real Housewives” when there isn’t anything real about them at all?   If I call information for a number to call “Ghostbusters” how come they don’t have a number.   If someone doesn’t believe that aliens truly exist have they ever seen a picture of Larry King?  Why do people expect sports and entertainment stars to be role models–isn’t that the job of a parent?

Why do some people still judge a person based on their religious beliefs or skin color–doesn’t character come into consideration?  Why are people taken aback when you use the words “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome?”   Can a real man play Monopoly and still choose the thimble as his game piece?  How come I still have flash backs to being in 6th grade gym class when I couldn’t climb the rope?

Am I the only person that doesn’t answer their cell phone but just uses it to text?  How come they allow Donald Duck to walk around Disney World not wearing pants?  What would happen if I went back to my high school and asked to see my “permanent record?”  When will people realize that fish are not pets…they are food.  Karaoke should be called “A Night For People That Can’t Sing.”  Do Japanese people think that any product labeled “Made in USA” is cheap and will probably break?  How come a cat is the only animal that poops in a box?  How come I don’t break into spontaneous laughter after eating a “Snickers” bar?

If you can answer any of these questions for me then I would appreciate it and if you also think of any of these queries of life…then I will reserve you some space in my rubber room.

 

 

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datingI don’t date and I do it by choice.  The last time I was on a date was October 23, 2011.  The world is one big bowl of nuts and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m probably the walnut but I have figured out there are three types of women that I would avoid at all costs.  In no particular order here are the signs:

YOU KNOW THE NAME OF AT LEAST ONE “REAL HOUSEWIFE”:  There is nothing “real” about any of these whack jobs.  Watching this show is like making a visit to the local mental ward to observe the patients to feel good about yourself.  If ya wanna live in fantasy land then dress up like Captain America and go to a comic book convention.

YOU THINK FISH ARE PETS:  Let me break the news to ya Moby Dick….anything you can eat is NOT a pet.  Fish are a meal.  Ya can’t train them and ya can’t pet them.  If you actually believe that you are a pet owner because you have a tank on display in your den then ya might wanna consider cooking some pasta and weaving me a basket.

YOU HAVE  STUFFED ANIMALS ON YOUR BED:  Unless you work at the dime toss booth at the fair and your bedroom is a closet for the prizes you need to be on some sort of medication.  You are an adult so start acting like one.  Do ya scream for mommy when ya have a bad dream and still play with your Lite Brite when Amanda Bynes won’t answer your tweet?  I hope not.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest….I’m going back to posting pictures on facebook of food I’m about to eat and writing various celebrities to ask for autographed pictures.  THAT’S normal!

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We all are pretty much aware of the hype about the Mayan calendar and how this is supposed to be the final year that this planet survives.  I didn’t buy into any of it but if you assess the happenings of the past month you may be changing your mind as well.

John Travolta, the guy that broke women’s hearts in Saturday Night Fever, has been accused of groping the packages of three different men during a massage.  Just a few years ago we would teach abstinence in our schools to prevent teen pregnancy….now Teen Mom’s are big stars on TV.    Women that had anger issues and drinking problems are the type of people you would expect men to avoid—-now they are referred to as “Real Housewives.”  We had a guy in Miami that was nude and eating the freaking FACE off of a homeless guy and some guy in New Jersey was throwing his own intestines at the police.

The biggest city in our country is gonna limit the size of soft drinks because they are concerned about our health yet you can still buy an extra-large pizza with triple cheese.  Next thing ya know detainees at Guantanamo Bay will claim to have been tortured by Sesame Street characters.  What???  They have????  Time for me to get ready for a garage sale because it seems like we have about six months left.

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Everyone is sooooooooooooo shocked that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are getting a divorce.  The divorce rate is just over fifty percent.    That hardly constitutes “breaking news.”

People are actually sending death threats to Casey Anthony’s parents and law enforcement officials are concerned about the safety of Casey Anthony when she gets released tomorrow.  Casey Anthony and her parents did nothing to you….death threats and physically assaulting someone are serious crimes…why would you consider committing these crimes against someone you don’t know?

Hines Ward got arrested for suspicion of DUI last week.  Professional athletes have a surplus of money.  If you are going out drinking for an evening why not take a cab or a limo?

Standing in line at the grocery store I saw a magazine cover that had a few “Teen Mom’s” on the cover and a “Real Housewife.”  Has society plunged so deeply into a cesspool of insignificance that this REALLY sells magazines?

I see more and more people standing on busy street corners spinning and holding signs.  This has ZERO effect on if I wanna buy a sub at Quiznos or turn in my unused gold for cash.

Sitting at a red light the other day I saw a man talking on a pay phone while sitting on a box that sells newspapers.  I thought to myself “Maybe this guy actually thinks it’s 1985.”

A pick up truck in front of me had this sticker on it’s back window “In Memorium of Jack _____  5-3-62 to 7-10-10.”  I wondered if he was looking down on that truck and feeling proud that his memory was next to a Confederate flag and a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Ford logo.

Yes people….I think stupidity is contagious….and it’s rapidly spreading.  Have a great weekend!