Entertainment

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me and momToday is a special day. My Mom is 76 today and is quite an amazing person. She still works full time, enjoys doing outside yard work, and goes to church every Sunday. When I was in ICU she was there every day including the six days I was unconscious. When I regained consciousness she was there as I had to learn how to speak and eat again. I remember her having faith that I could chew a cracker. I thought she was trying to choke me. She was right. How weird that must have been for her to go through something she had gone through so many years ago.
I learned something I never knew about my mother. While in ICU I asked her “When did you tell your first lie?” She replied “I never have. I’ve always been kind of an oddball.” Oddball? This is the furthest thing from being an oddball and something that is parallel to the life of a Saint. Mom has been staying at my house since my release from ICU on October 6th. It’s not easy as I have always thrived on living and being alone. We have had long conversations about my OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder. Although it is hard for her to relate I give her credit for acknowledging my need to always have a TV on 24/7 and how I cannot exist in silence.
I, on the other hand, have figured out her mastering of being passive-aggressive. She will ask me a question and I will say “no.” Five minutes later she asks basically the same question but in a different way. There comes a time when ya just have to say “F##k it” and do what she wants. It makes her happy and stops me from having a severe panic attack and possibly being led away by men in white suits and butterfly nets.
I take this day and salute all of you mothers. I don’t know how ya do it. The unique intuition you have when something is wrong and how you worry non stop. Any female can give birth to a child but it takes an amazing and gifted person to be a mother. I , obviously, am biased and believe that I have the best one in the world. Happy Birthday to my rock in this world and again a special salute to all the mother’s in the world.

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One of the topics trending this morning is Donald Trump telling Larry King his breath stinks.  This was 10 years ago and probably true.   I put together an audio piece of not only Trump telling King to chew on a mint but celebrities who have passed gas on the air.  Just click below to listen to my audio blog.

trump and king

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hulk hogan

This is our first audio blog.  Basically Danny focuses on a current news story and instead of offering his opinion in the written word he opens his big pie hole and breaks the situation down how it really is and not how the mainstream media wants you to believe.  Just click media player below.

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Danny beardI’ve been lackadaisical in my blog.  For that matter I have been lackadaisical in my life for the past four months.  I have become obsessed with what direction I wish to take next in life.  Just over four years ago I told management at my last station that people don’t want eight songs an hour…they want content…GREAT content.  We agreed to disagree and went our separate ways.  Guess what?  The show in there now isn’t playing any music.  It wasn’t a surprise to me because I knew I was right then but now I’m truly at a crossroads.

I don’t own a radio.  I only listen to content so that forces me to listen to podcasts at my leisure.  Same thing is happening to TV.   I have had numerous offers to return to radio but they want me to run these “features” like “Three things ya need to know”. “College of Knowledge”, “Skirt with the Dirt”, etc.  I have no desire to waste the listener’s time with such predictable content.  I also don’t find someone making an ice cream sundae in their pants on a street corner to be very compelling either.

Okay jackass.  You just spent two paragraphs ranting about the problem what is the solution.  Simple….I want to make people react.   I’m an open book.  I’ve made many mistakes and bad choices in life but those pitfalls taught me so much.  I have been diagnosed with OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder.  I don’t say that to gain your sympathy I just lay it out there so anyone else struggling with it knows they are not alone.

I truly believe that we are living in times that are quite frightening.   The dumb asses out there that are following Kim K and Kanye need to pay attention to events/stories that really affect our lives.  I don’t want to discuss politics all the time.   I know a little about a lot.  I wanna make you laugh, cry, agree, disagree, love me, hate me, love to hate me but above and beyond I want to learn from you.  That was an answer I gave a General Manager in a large market about 6 months ago when he asked me “What type of show do ya do?”   He looked at me like I just spoke a foreign language.

I have a decision to make very soon.  Hold out for a radio gig that will let me loose and employ my strengths or enter the podcast world where there are no rules or parameters.  On paper it looks like a no-brainer but I hate to walk away from something I love even it appears to be unfixable.

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JEFF DUNHAMI hate puppets.  I just find the entire process a bit freaky.  There’s a man with his hand up a sock trying to convince those around him that his talking sock is real.  For my mind this doesn’t work.

Jeff Dunham is a successful comedian…..why?  I have no idea but he made $25 million one year and has his own private jet and he makes his living talking to a sock.  I should also mention he is a great ventriloquist which is also very creepy.  Unless you are Stephen Hawking I expect you to move your lips when you speak and people who have conversations with themselves usually are in a rubber room weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti.

So Jeff Dunham was in West Palm one weekend playing the local comedy club and part of the deal upper management made with the club is that each comedian in town that week would appear on my show every Friday.  Don’t get me wrong.  Some were GREAT but others didn’t want to be there and they basically brought the show to a screaming halt.  Jeff shows up and goes in our “green room.”  During a commercial break I walk in and introduce myself.  I said “Gotta be honest.  Puppets freak me out and this is radio so there is no reason to bring in a puppet.  Do all the voices ya want.  We’ll have fun.”  I then walked back in the studio as the commercial break was about over and I like to bring my guests in live.  Have them walk in…get settled….introduce the rest of the show, let them adjust their mic, etc all LIVE on the air because I think it involves the listeners and is much more REAL.

You can guess what happened right?  Dunham brings in “Walter” which is the old man puppet pictured above.  Dunham starts in on me right away with Walter, “What’s a matter Danny?  Afraid of an old man?”  Now I’m an honest guy and I replied “Look Jeff.  You have your hand in a sock.  I am not talking to a sock.”  Well Dunham only saw this as a challenge and tried to get me to talk to Walter.  “You’re grumpier than me.  You look like you haven’t had a bowel movement.  How long have you hated old people?”

Well I refused to be sucked into this game and I found the tension in the room to be riveting….who is gonna turn this off?  I came back at Jeff, “Look….we talked about this before.  I will talk to you all day but that is not an old man.  That is a very expensive sock.  You have your right hand in a tube sock and I can’t engage in a conversation with something that belongs in a shoe.”

Dunham’s next move shocked me.  He barked out “Fine.”  He stood up, grabbed Walter, threw him….yes THREW him in a guitar case and stormed out of the studio.  The sight of an adult throwing a puppet in a guitar case in a fit of anger made me laugh uncontrollably.  To this day whenever I put on a pair of socks I think of Jeff Dunham.  I also think of the $25 million he made in one year.  Scoreboard Dunham and his sock.

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Crazy Car GuyWe all have been through the car buying experience and the competition to get your business is very high.  This is the reason thousands of dollars are spent in your city by local dealerships to convince you to walk inside their showroom.  I have been involved in the media business for many years and I will never understand the car dealer that insists on doing his own commercial because, quite frankly, you look like a goofball.

You know what I am referring to.  On St. Patrick’s Day he dresses like a Leprechaun.  On Christmas he’s in a Santa suit and his brother is dressed as an elf.  On Valentine’s Day he may even dress as Cupid and shoot an “arrow of savings LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!!”  That’s another thing they do….they freaking yell at you.  You are not cutting a commercial for Wrestlemania you own a freaking car lot.  Are you gonna scream at me when I walk in the door?  If that’s the case I may as well buy a car from my mother as I walk out of my door with a wet head.

“At (insert car dealership name here)     WE HAVE GONE CRAZY!!”  Really?  Then I would suggest a trip to the psychiatrist to get some proper meds because I don’t want you sitting next to me during a test drive frothing at the mouth with a switchblade in your pants pocket.

And while I’m on a roll let me address the giant inflatable King Kong that some dealerships insist on placing on top of their roof.  First of all King Kong is not real.  Secondly a balloon serves the purpose of putting a smile on the face of a young child so if this is your strategy to attract your target customer I’m quite confident they are not carrying a Mensa card.  That’s my service to the public for today….perhaps tomorrow I’ll address the Chuck Norris Total Gym.

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protestorsI may have done or will do some crazy things in life but I can promise you I will never be involved in a protest.  I just don’t understand the purpose because a bunch of people shouting the same thing and parading around with a bunch of signs aren’t gonna change a law.  It seems to me like a wasted effort….sorta like pissing up a drape.

In order to have what is deemed a “successful” protest you need large groups of people otherwise you won’t attract the attention of the media (and that’s the main purpose of a protest).   If I am standing in line at the grocery store and the machine runs out of register tape I’ll start to have a panic attack so crowds are not my thing.

Protestors like to shout the same things over and over again to make their point.  Isn’t repetition with lack of a lot of content the premise that Sesame Street is built upon.   Talking to a giant yellow bird and someone in a bad mood that lives in a garbage can is also not my idea of a mondo jovial type tundra.

All successful protests also involve signs.  I have made one sign in my life.  I was eight years old and I was selling blackberries that I picked in the woods behind my house.  To this day I am confused by those that stand outside the Today Show studios for hours and hold their home-made signs in front of random cameras  while jumping up and down as if they had just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right.

I believe that people should follow their passion.  If they believe in protesting then I think they should do it peacefully and lawfully just know that it more than likely is not going to do it.  That made me wonder why anyone would put forth what seems to be a futile effort.  Tonight I ran across a news story that makes it a bit more clear to me.  Three Occupy Wall Street protestors received $142K from the NYPD for being attacked.  Please excuse me now…..I’m off to Home Depot.  I have some signs to make.