DANNY CZEKALINSKI

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jennifer lawrenceI have an iPhone.  I am not a celebrity.  I also don’t have a picture of my wang in my camera roll.  For the past three days now we have heard from celebrities that are “SHOCKED” that their camera phones were hacked and their nude selfies have been splattered across the internet.  Well let me slap you a dose of reality.  If ya wanna get naked with your better half I’m all for it but if ya don’t want to take the chance that a picture of your venus mound is gonna be on TMZ then don’t take a picture of you in your birthday suit with your smart phone.

Ya ever need to go and get your phone looked at?  You’ve had problems with it for hours and fear the worst but some 17 year old kid with bad skin fixes the problem in thirty seconds.  We all have seen this happen so where is the news when a serious hacker is able to crack the code of a smart phone?

Kate Upton has made millions showing off her massive cleavage and now she is “OUTRAGED” by a nude selfie of her and her boyfriend, Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, posted on the internet.  If I were Kate I’d be “outraged” as well as there are more curves on the body of her boyfriend.  Put down the camera phone, call room service and order a burger.

Ya notice all the affected celebrities are women?  I guess only politicians are worthy of having their wang being newsworthy.   My other guess is that the female body really is beautiful.  A naked dude looks like he’s breaking the law and let’s be honest about the penis…..not very attractive….kind of resembles a very long thumb minus the nail.

These celebrities are all saying they are “victims” and that is one thing I agree with—victims of not using common sense.

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sarah_silverman_emmysI like Sarah Silverman.  Last night at the Emmy’s a TV talking head went through her clutch and yanked out what appeared to be a pen.  Sarah openly admitted it was a vaporizer to smoke pot.  First of all TV talking head has no right to grab someone’s clutch and go through it.  If that’s what you rely upon for entertaining the audience perhaps you need to take your Wen hair back to the library and do some research on guests you may encounter.

If that’s you or I with a vape loaded with weed we go to jail.  Maybe Sarah has a medical marijuana card but the fact she can openly flaunt her vape on the red carpet at the Emmy’s while we spend millions trying to keep this weed from crossing the southern border is hypocrisy at its finest.

I don’t smoke weed.   It is against the law here in Florida and I am looking for a job and I need to respect and honor the law.  I am prescribed Xanax for anxiety and I hate it.  But let’s be honest about the Washington game:  Pharmaceutical companies give big money to the lobbyists…lobbyists control those that get elected or want to get reelected.  I’m not gonna sit here and say I never tried pot; I went to Ohio University and lived in Oklahoma City.  I know what it does and what it feels like but just like my evil blue pill filled with chemicals called Xanax no one on that drug or pot has any business operating a motor vehicle.  The real dilemma here is what is legal in one state is not legal in another and we are supposed to be the United States Of America.  My mother is very wise and I rely on her advice and knowledge and experience more frequently than ever.  I asked her the other day “Have you ever seen it this bad and do you think it can get better?”  Her answer was:  “No and I don’t know.”

Maybe as I get older it’s just natural to care less about how fast Justin Bieber is driving and care more about making a difference.  Many say to live every day like it’s your last but I think we should live every day like it’s our first…..I still believe we, as a group, can fix something that is drastically spinning out of control.

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fergusonI like to laugh and write about funny things.  What is happening in Ferguson, MO is not funny and has consumed me for the past week.   I am a news junkie yet I am surprised when I find out how many are not aware of the unrest and racial tension in this town of just over twenty one thousand.

Cliff note version of what happened:  Michael Brown, 18, and friend were walking in the middle of the street.  Police officer tells them to get back on sidewalk.  The story differs from here.  According to police there was a struggle for his sidearm.  According to witnesses Brown ran from officer and was shot in the back.  Autopsy results have since shown the shots entered the front of Mr. Brown but that isn’t going to bring Mr. Brown back or squelch the pain of his family.  Of course the media vultures Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton swarm on the city like vultures looking for meat.   They are not there to help.  They are there for self promotion and basically a can of kerosene introduced to a bonfire.  They say they stand for civil rights but I concur and say they wish for civil unrest.

At the beginning of this unrest Ferguson police brought in TANKS and swat vehicles and shot rubber bullets and tear gas into the crowd of demonstrators including some news crews that were only trying to do their job.  The wise move was then made by the Governor to put the State Highway Patrol in charge of security.   So who is to blame?   As usual I believe truth lies in the middle.  There were characters of ill repute that demonstrated with violence and didn’t really care about the life of Michael Brown that was lost.  I also believe there are a few police officers that view themselves as “soldiers with toys” that have no regard for the law that they were sworn to uphold.  This is an example of the few ruining it for the many.

We all come from different ethnic backgrounds.   We may differ in color.  We may differ in religious beliefs but the one thing we have in common is that we are human beings.  I hope we all soon accept that reality and act in a brotherly way.

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777The more I see this story on a Malaysian 777 being shot out of the sky by a missile I say “WTF?”  There is more to this “accident.”  We are not being told the entire truth and I understand if it breaches national security but this wasn’t “one of those things.”  There is a plan here and this is one of the elements.

A prominent AIDS scientist who had saved countless lives was on that plane, could he have been the target?  A quick second thought dismisses that theory because I am sure all of his research has been backed up.  Ukrainian rebels had the black boxes for five days…you’re not gonna find anything of use on those that’s for sure.

For something like this to happen there has to be a major reason.  Are we being sucked into a war with Russia?  Think about it….Iran backs Russia…Syria jumps in for support….now you have a direct land to land connection for assault on Israel.  I don’t think we are that dumb to bite the fish hook with the stink bait.  I do have a theory on the missile attack;  it was a diversion.

Three months ago another Malaysian 777 “disappeared.”  I call bullshit on this one,  it was planned.  I think terrorists built a runway long enough to land the 777 one of the remote island s nearby or in an isolated area.  They sole purpose was to convert the plane from what “looks” like a commercial airliner to one that can carry and release a “dirty bomb.”  Missile attack the diversion needed to move the completed “missing” 777.  The rebels aren’t smart enough to operate equipment to shoot down that 777, Russia had to do and/or assist in this. Converted 777 drops dirty bomb on Israel and “bingo” we must get involved.  I’m sure many of you reading this think I’m nuts….that’s okay been called worse.  I’d go on…but the FBI is at my door.

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chicken headI was gonna go to bed but I ran across a story of a voodoo chicken head closing a road here in Florida.  This creates so many questions in my mind I can’t sleep.

Where do you buy this chicken head?  “Just Chickenheads.”  “Everything is a Chickenhead.”  I can’t even imagine what my local butcher would say if I walked in and asked for a full house of chicken heads.

How do you carry this chicken head with you?  Chicken head holster?  In that compartment with a zipper in your purse?  Money clip?  Although I think the chicken head would slip out of the money clip.  Makes for an embarrassing situation at Nordstrom when checking out and the hot blonde behind you, stops, points and says “Is that your chicken head?”

I’m single and live alone.  I have had a crazy life.  I have seen and done many things I don’t recommend.  I can assure you that I have never had a chicken head on my person, in my house or even in my hand.  If someone were to try to hand me one I am confident that I would not pause in my retort; “WTF would I want with that.  It’s a chicken head.”

In this new leaf I have turned over I am trying to see good over the bad, the positive over the negative, etc.  So if chickenheads are your thing have a good time—it could be worse…you could be a beef or fish lover.

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clown lebronI’m an idiot.  I have spent the past day listening to sports talk radio in Cleveland and Miami about the Lebron James situation:  which city will he choose to play for?  In the end it really is insignificant based on the fact that Hamas and Israel are bombing the shit out of each other but I am intrigued by the fact that so many people are interested in this and it’s being covered by every single media outlet.

Let’s not forget I am from Cleveland.  I love and miss my hometown.  I have and always will be a fan of all Cleveland sports teams.  LeBron is gonna make nearly $21 million bucks in either city to throw a ball in a basket.  Let’s not forget all the money he’ll make in endorsements.  LeBron is not just a player he is a brand.   So why hold two cities hostage by dragging out your decision?  Simple:  He’s a jackass!

Sociopath, narcissistic, selfish, bratty, punk, jerk, prima-donna…..any of the preceding words would fit but he also is the best basketball player on the planet.  If he returns to Cleveland I will not be cheering for him directly I will be cheering for my team like I do every year.

This country is falling apart, people are out of work, the middle class is disappearing, the Middle East is ready to implode, values and common courtesy towards fellow man are disappearing and I’m concerning myself about basketball player and where he will decide to make his millions.  Like I said….I’m an idiot.

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brazil violenceSo yesterday in the World Cup, hosting country Brazil was embarrassed by Germany 7-1.  To me…big deal…there has to be a  winner and a loser in any team competition but that wasn’t the case in Brazil.

Brazilians went nuts.  An announcement was made for German fans to stay inside the stadium so they could be escorted out for their safety.  Really?  If my country just got embarrassed on national TV the last thing I would wanna do is act like a bunch of crazies that escaped from Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory.

Brazil…ya lost.  How does setting a couch on fire in a furniture store change that?  I’m a Browns fan…I can’t imagine how many cars I would have flipped over in my lifetime if I acted like these idiots.  One of my complaints about soccer is that it’s so boring because no one scores.  Yesterday was exciting for me because I saw a shitload of goals but I never expected what I watched.  I’d understand walking out of the stadium with my head hung low and maybe stopping for a few post game brews to drown my sorrows but the last thing I’d expect is someone grabbing a 55 gallon drum on fire and tossing it through a coffee shop’s window.

I take back my original thought when the World Cup began a few weeks ago….soccer isn’t boring at all.

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im crazyI’m not crazy I just lay everything on the table and am brutally honest.  I was on a job interview a week ago and the General Manager asked, what I think, is a silly question:  “Why do you want this job?”  I told the truth “Because right now you are doing it all wrong.”

I have OCD, clinically diagnosed, and that’s no secret to those that know me.  I’m an expert at making eggs sunny side up.  I have to eat around the yolk because I need to put the entire unbroken yolk in my mouth at once…told ya life with me is a day at the fun house.

I wasn’t blessed with a hairless body and sometimes there is a need to shave portions of my back.  Let me tell you there is no way to look cool and attempt to remove these unwanted patches.  I swear I’m gonna dislocate my shoulder one of these days.

I floss with dental tape (not floss) at least five times a day and I think the feeling of a Q-Tip with warm water in my ear is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

It bothers me when  people on morning TV say “As you head out the door this morning….”—-where else are you gonna vacate your home?  Ya gonna rappel down the side of your house from your second story window?

I love the smell of a magic marker.  I believe you need to have Glass Plus within reach at all times.  I have a King Size bed with a sleep number mattress…..I don’t sleep in my bed.  I sleep on the couch and MUST have a TV on 24 hours a day.

I really get pissed when someone is mean to an older person.  Old people have knowledge….talk to them…they have many answers we seek.

I have never owned a bathrobe and I never will unless I decide to go after a black belt in karate.  When I see televised arm wrestling I assume those that are watching are never gonna be able to split an atom.

I live alone so I spend most of my day in my boxers…..only bad thing about that is Tuesday and Friday nights when I wheel out my garbage….sorry neighbors…just look away.

I could go on…but ya just might think I’m crazy.

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psychicSomeone recently told me I should see a psychic to help me in my job search.  I didn’t want to be rude so I just didn’t respond.  A psychic has mastered the art of bullshit.  I don’t blame him/her for what they do and if you wanna throw your money at someone with a Magic 8 ball and a box of incense, by all means do it.

I don’t need a psychic to get a job….my resume speaks for itself but I can’t help but laugh when I see those “California Psychics” advertise on late night TV.  One guy says “My reader told me I was physically active and see’s me owning my own yoga studio one day.”  No shit Einstein you are dressed in a full body running suit with a sweat towel draped around your neck.

Women really seem to enjoy psychics and I think it’s because they make themselves easy to read.  It’s the jewelry.  Birthstone for month they were born, wedding ring or engagement ring for relationship status, heirloom ring usually on right hand.  We’re not talking rocket science here people.   For that matter I must be psychic because I see a nap in my future.