Christmas Eve was always special for me as a kid. Family would show up and we would have a traditional Polish “Poor Man’s Meal.” Basically it was a very dry fish (sole I believe) served with pierogis and lots of sausage and kraut. Who was I kidding. I was and only child and I just wanted everyone to eat their shitty food so we could go upstairs and open up the damn presents. Things changed forever on that cold and blustery Christmas Eve in 1985.
This was my first Christmas Eve away from home and my family. I got into radio in the summer of 1985 and that changed the way I would celebrate the holidays. More often than not I was away from family. Christmas Eve 1985 found me in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was two hundred and eighty-five miles away from my childhood home in Strongsville, Ohio. There was a terrible snowstorm that day and I was very sick. I had a fever and was alone for the first time on Christmas Eve. I called my mother to wish her well on the dinner and celebration she was about to have.
I got my first dog when I was in second grade. She was a collie. I named her “Lady.” Lady was my companion from the second grade on. Being an only child Lady was the closest thing to a sibling I would ever have. I was on the phone with mother that Christmas Eve when I heard the doorbell ring in the background. Mom explained she had to go as company was beginning to arrive. Something was not right. Something was missing. My dog would ALWAYS bark when someone rang the door bell. I stopped my mother before she could hang up and I asked in desperation, “What the hell is going on? Why is Lady not barking???” The pause seemed endless. Mother then took a deep breath, hesitated and said “Ya know when ya left in August and said I would know when it was time……..” There was a momentary lack of reason that filled my head. Suddenly it was clear to me…..Mother had killed my dog.
To this very day Mother will deny this ever happened. That’s what parents do as they get older. They develop selective memory and like to rewrite history. That was a long time ago yet it seems like it was yesterday. When your door bell rings this Christmas Eve and I hear your dog barking I can be rest assured you have never met my Mother.
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Years ago, when I was still doing morning radio, I made the observation that where you sat on the bus when you are going to school is pretty indicative of where you will go in life. There’s a lot of pressure going through the mind of a child when they get on the bus and stake out their territory. It’s not as bad if you are towards the beginning of the route because you can play it safe and sit in the middle but if you are towards the end of the route you don’t have as many options. Lord help the child that is forced to walk towards the back of the bus. This is where pure evil reigns.
Everyone knows that if you want to have a cigarette or your nose broken then you venture towards the back of the bus. Nothing good happens at the back of the bus. This is the Compton of school transportation. If this was real life the only way to insure personal safety is to obtain your concealed carry permit. These beasts in the back of the bus smoke their parents Lucky Strikes and run with scissors. They fear nothing. Your existence is nothing but a punching bag to those that reside in the back of the bus. Twenty years later these children will be bouncers at nightclubs and strippers that hang upside down on a brass pole. The criminals of tomorrow reside in the back of school buses today.
Let’s address the front of the bus. This is the destination for future Conservatives. It also is a great location for those in marching band or the orchestra. If you took your violin home to practice Handel’s Messiah the last thing you want to do is take that instrument towards the back of the bus. The nineteen year old eighth grade burnout in the back seat will whittle that thing down into a water bong before ya blink. The front of the bus is also a great place to sit if you are not able to climb the rope in gym class but that’s another story for a different day.
So what happens if you are the parents of a kid that looks like the picture above? I have to be honest with you: Putting this child on a bus is putting his personal safety at risk. Even the kid with the bad skin and viola case wants to kick his ass. You love your child, You want them to be safe. You must to the right thing as a parent and DRIVE them to school. They may get a wedgie or two in the school bathroom from the nineteen year old eighth grader but they will graduate college in three years. These are the future CEO’s and Wall Street Brokers. Today’s nerd is tomorrow’s millionaire. He gets the last laugh when he shows up at the class reunion driving a Lamborghini and a Instagram model on his arm. 2020 has been a taxing and trying year. The future is filled with questions and doubt. In 2021 do the right thing for your child. Do the right thing for the future of America. Drive your kid to school!!
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The image above is the logo of my home town baseball team the Cleveland Indians. I should actually refer to the logo in past tense as it was announced this morning that the Cleveland Indians will be changing their name to become part of this “woke culture.” I remember Dad taking me to opening day in 1973. There were 73 thousand fans in old Municipal Stadium as my Indians beat the Detroit Tigers 2-1 behind the pitching of Gaylord Perry. I had a wonderful time that chilly day in April. Now the “Woke Culture” wants to eliminate history.
So where did this nickname of “Indians” come from? It obviously must emanate from a dark and devilish racist community!!!! Sorry to disappoint you but the name was chosen in honor of Louis Francis Sockalexis, a Cleveland professional ballplayer who was one of the first Native Americans in the game’s history. So the team honored a real person and they designed a logo of what is a simple “cartoon character.” In 2018 the Indians organization actually eliminated the Chief Wahoo logo. That’s right. Ownership actually caved to the pressure from the left. How would you feel if someone bitched about Linus being bullied because he carries a blanket? Most people would respond with “That’s ridiculous. Linus is not real.” Ah-ha!!!!! Neither is Chief Wahoo.
The controversy over the name has forced many to get behind their keyboard and google the name of Louis Francis Sockalexis. The irony here is after you obtain the information you realize this guy surely isn’t a saint being persecuted. Mr. Sockalexis was a character. He was a great athlete but had numerous problems off the field due to his drinking problem. The Indians were known as the Cleveland Spiders back then and they actually believed in Sockalexis so much that they bailed him out of a South Bend jail where he was being held for going on a drunken rage and destroying a bar called Pop Corn Jenie. I’m sure these are the types of memories that the Sockalexis family doesn’t bring up in a chat room.
When do we stop this nonsense? It seems what this culture needs is to come together yet what we are watching and experiencing is continued division. Why are they trying to make us all similar? The foundation of the Constitution protects those differences yet the woke culture wants to destroy them? That should tell you where the root of the problem actually is. Enjoy that three dollar bottle of water the left is selling you….I’ll be in my backyard drinking out of the hose.
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There is a lot of pressure on folks that are single around the holidays. Once you are over the age of thirty and ya still show up to the family gathering without a partner Uncle Fred and Aunt Ester will be talking about you as soon as ya leave to return home with a tin of cookies. 2020 might be different since we all have seemed to adopt this solitude mentality but I have to admit the decision to not date has it’s benefits.
I was always co-dependent. I had a lot of girlfriends. I had five fiancés. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with commitment. My friends called me “The Diamond Man.” I actually married two of them. Meeting women was never a problem; staying in a relationship was. My last relationship ended October 23, 2011. I remember the Harley ride home when I said I was gonna make a change. I was going to go at least one year without going on a date. I was going to concentrate on fixing myself. Funny thing happened during that year. I liked it so much that I have never turned back.
In the past nine years I have made numerous improvements in my life. I have focused on my therapy and have addressed my narcissism. I have become an excellent cook and I have found strength in my faith. I have returned to my place of birth in preparation for the completion of the Circle of Life. Pretty impressive, huh? Those are the type of changes that sell a lot of books so let me share you some of the other benefits of being a single guy. If you see a strawberry daiquiri on your bar bill ya know it’s not yours. You’ll never find yourself sitting on the couch on a Saturday afternoon with a bowl of Haagen Das watching a Lori Laughlin movie. Don’t laugh….that painful memory still triggers a form of PTSMD. I actually will suffer a slight convulsion when I ponder what “My List” on NETFLIX would look like if I had a female partner.
I don’t have to worry what I am wearing. I actually have one t-shirt for each day of the week. I don’t even bother putting clothes away I just hang it in the laundry room and get dressed in front of the ironing board. The closest I got to having someone hit on my girl was when a drunk guy spilled his Corona on my hand. The bartender solved the problem with a towel and a free drink. That never happened before…..I’m used to the police showing up and having to arrange for a ride home. You’ll find THOSE stories in the book I’ll publish once Mother is at peace. Sure it gets lonely at times. I sometimes get jealous seeing a couple together laughing and having a good time. I find it ironic that I finally have become a person that has something to offer yet here I am alone. That’s usually when a moment of levity happens. I’ll call a buddy to come over and watch the Browns game and he’ll say he would but he promised his wife he’d put up the Christmas lights before taking her to the apple farm. That’s when I pause, take it all in and exhale. It’s the end of 2020. Truly the perfect time to be alone. 🦾🦾🦾
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I have always said that life starts to get shitty right after ya find out the truth about Santa Claus. From that point on your trust has been shattered. There is no way you will be prepared for the upcoming trials and tribulations of the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. Just to make sure you will be on the defensive for the rest of your life you will soon discover birds and bees and a freaking stork have nothing to do with the reason you have become a global footprint on this planet. Let’s get back to that fatal morning of December 1973 when I was in the third grade and Mother summoned me to the kitchen ten minutes before the school bus was to arrive.
Mom seemed to be serious. I went to the kitchen and she told me to sit down. Immediately I began to wonder what I had done wrong. There was no way I was ever going to be properly prepared for what she said next. “I wanted to tell you something before you heard it from Brian Kuhn or someone on the bus,” she said. “You know how ever year at Christmas Santa brings ya gifts? Well that’s actually Mom and Dad. Any questions??” Really??? Any questions??? I have a few. The first one would be “Who are you and what the hell did you just say??” My world was destroyed. Suddenly I questioned everything. All of a sudden the making a wish and blowing out the candles on your birthday cake thing seemed like a bunch of shit to me as well. I was speechless. I was stunned. I could not move and all Mom would say is “Hurry up…..don’t miss the bus.”
I was just eight years old and I felt like a sparring partner of Mike Tyson. I remember being in a daze as I found my way to the bus stop that cold December morning. The bus stopped, I heard the air brakes, the door opened and I climbed aboard. I looked to find my usual seat in the middle of the bus and I locked eyes with Brian Kuhn. For a moment we were one. We said so much without saying anything at all. Finally I exhaled and sat down. After what seemed like an eternity Brian Kuhn finally said “I see your Mother beat me to it.” I paused….smiled…turned towards him and said, “Yes. Yes she did.” It’s never been the same since that cold November morning in 1973. 😪😪😪
Make sure to listen to Danny’s weekly podcast DANNYLAND! Click HERE to listen and share with others.
Joe Biden stepped out of his shower and over his dog and out of the basement yesterday to ask America to wear a mask during his first one hundred days in office. I’m sorry. Who are you again?? Are you the same ass munch that called Trump supporters “CHUMPS” on October 26, 2020? Now you care about me?? Now you want to be my friend?? I’m sorry but you didn’t say “Foo-chi Sez.” 🤣🤣🤣
This is the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room that the stupid media has not addressed for some reason; There are 74 million Americans that do NOT trust Sleepy Foot and Camel Toe. We want NOTHING to do with these people. Just because Sleepy Foot rings the bell doesn’t mean us free thinkers are gonna bark for a Scooby-Snack. I’m not saying that The Chinese Virus does not exist. I lost a fifty-two year old friend on Thanksgiving morning. A thirty-year old friend got The Chinese Virus and was in ICU in Florida but has since been discharged. The virus exists. I’m not convinced we really know what it is. Dr. Foo-chi has changed his mind numerous times. CDC and WHO have flip-flopped as well. How does Sleepy Foot think that we all will agree to wear a mask for a hundred days???
There is a limit as to what you can take from me and I think many Patriots share this feeling. NO ONE SHALL TAKE MY FREE WILL!!! A mandate, a curfew or a suggestion is NOT a law. You will NOT be able to legally enforce it. I don’t have a need to be outside or around the public. This is a luxury the majority of Patriots do not have. The left has taken enough and they are coming for more. They aren’t even trying to hide it. Don’t get me wrong. I hate seeing people suffer and die alone but it insults me beyond the depth of my soul for those that use “fear” to evoke the sacrifice of free will. We all will be forced to make a decision within the next few months if we ant to receive the vaccine for The Chinese Virus. Make sure that is YOUR decision. It is much better to die on your feet than it would be to live on your knees.
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I grew up in Strongsville, Ohio. At the end of my street, about four hundred feet from my driveway, there was a Sohio gas station. In 1977 I started to hang out there. Times at the gas station were much different back then. You would pull up to the pump, a bell rings inside and the “gas station guy” would come out and fill up your tank. When no one was wanting gas the “gas station guy” would work on a car that was in need of service in the garage. I was thirteen. I thought this type of atmosphere was great. I soon discovered the evils that permeated the gas station.
They had a cigarette machine. I had a bunch of quarters in my piggy bank so I started buying packs of Vantage. I didn’t know ya had to inhale so I could have experienced the same thing by just being inside aa burning building. They had stacks of porn. I thought it was cool but in hindsight it’s a bit disturbing to imagine a man in his twenties passing the time at his job by reading Penthouse forum. They had weed. That’s right. Smoked a joint before I ever tasted alcohol. Thirty-eight bucks for an ounce of Columbian Gold. At this point in my life I sincerely thought I landed on Fantasy Island.
Mom put a stop to me going to the gas station when she caught me with some H-100’s. H-100’s are equal to a quarter stick of dynamite. I bought a gross of them for forty bucks at where else????? The gas station!!! For FUN us kids would go into the woods and put H-100’s in freaking trees and we would just laugh as a ten year old maple eviserated into a pile of mulch. Who needs a video game when you can enjoy the great outdoors while blowing shit up?? Gas stations sure are different today. You can get a freaking latte’, some lottery tickets, a ham sandwich and a snow brush except you pump your own gas. They now refer to this place as a “convenience store.” I will always remember what it used to be before it went through rehab. It was the portal to temptation. It was and always will be…..the GAS STATION!!!!
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It’s been an odd year. That may be the greatest understatement of all time. We are being told by government officials and scientists to not gather in large groups this Thanksgiving because of the ongoing pandemic of Covid 19. I moved back to the Cleveland area over two years ago to be near my family but I have spent MANY Thanksgivings alone when I was in the wild and wacky world of morning radio and it’s really not that bad.
You don’t have to shower and it isn’t necessary to wear pants. Think about some of your greatest memories. If all of these memories happened while you were wearing pants….then you are NOT enjoying life the way it was meant to be. Life gets to be fun when you remove your pants.
No one kicks you under the table because you are drinking too much wine and all the booze in the kitchen belongs to YOU! There is nothing more frustrating than watching a fat ass relative opening the $100 bottle of Dead Arm wine you brought and drinking it out of a plastic cup.
Best of all…..you can pass out on the recliner any time ya want. I can’t tell ya the number of times I ate shitty, dry turkey that I washed down with a generous amount of wine in the box and ended up snoring and drooling on a stranger’s couch only to get shaken back to reality by a slap on my head from a female friend. I’m not gonna miss that freakshow! There is no reason to social distance when you are thankful for being alone. Take you pants off and have some fun!! Happy Thanksgiving 2020!!! 🦾🦾🦾
Be sure to listen to Danny’s weekly podcast DANNYLAND!!! ⚡⚡⚡
I’m fifty-six years old. I’m just sitting back and watching the shit show that is 2020. I actually feel that I am very blessed to be in the position that I am currently in during this tumultuous time. It’s because I really don’t give a shit what people think about me anymore. It’s a wonderful feeling to be in this position. Please don’t think for one moment that I have stopped caring. That is far from the truth. I am at a point in my life where I have looked “behind the curtain” an am confident I figured out what is important in life.
I wasted a lot of time in my career focusing on what others thought of me. I compromised my beliefs in order to be that “team player.” If I truly had confidence in myself I would have followed my instincts. Don’t get me wrong; telling people what they want to hear has it’s benefits. You climb the corporate ladder quickly and are rewarded financially but you have sacrificed your integrity and you will never be happy.
Eventually the sacrifice of your integrity becomes too much to handle. You enjoy the two hundred dollar Friday night dinners and the one-hundred and fifty dollar jeans you purchase impulsively but something is missing in your life that cannot be filled financially. You don’t feel complete. You feel like a cartoon character that is on stage in the theatrics of life. I enjoyed my time in the world of radio when it was relevant but I was really playing a character. I wasn’t totally open and honest with myself so how could I expect to be open and honest with others? I had great parents. They raised me well. I needed to reexamine the basics. What did they stress that I missed out on?
It didn’t take me long to figure it out. It was “honesty.” I am not alone in this mistake. A lot of us make it in our journey in life. Being honest is not easy. People will not like what you have to say. People like to be assured. They do not like to be challenged. Do NOT make the mistake that I made. Get used to being honest from the beginning and not telling people what they want to hear. It will not be easy but you will eventually build respect and integrity. Funny thing about always telling the truth is you never have to think back to try and remember what ya said. Thank you for your time and for sharing with others. 🦾🦾🦾
Don’t miss Danny’s weekly podcast DANNYLAND! Click HERE to listen!