In these times of conflict and disagreement I am confident we can all agree on one thing: We’ve never seen a shit show like this in our entire lives. I remember when I was in college and I was a “rebel” and anyone over the age of thirty was disconnected with reality. The truth is I was young, immature, uneducated, drank shitty beer, had a 32 inch waist and a full head of hair. What I didn’t have was a man friend that had to wear a bra and put electrical tape over his freaking nipples. You are not “expressing yourself.” You are an attention whore that wants people to stare at you while wondering “Are those really tits???”

This is ANTIFA. They are bad people that don’t bathe, refuse to work and enjoy the smell of urine. Everyone has the right to peacefully assemble. The key word here is “peacefully.” It’s not a peaceful situation when you are walking down the middle of the road with your other friends that smell like urine and you’re shooting fireworks at cars. Cars go down the street. They have for years. If you do not desire to be struck by the aforementioned vehicles then I would suggest moving your man friends in brassieres to the sidewalk. Make sure not to step on any dirty syringes that your social terrorist brothers and sisters may have dropped when launching a brick into a Saks and then taking a Gucci bag while screaming something about oppression.

Let me continue this honesty parade by addressing ANTIFA/BLM: you are NOT victims. You are criminals and an embarrassment to your family. There’s a reason why you are 25 and still not sitting with the grown ups on Thanksgiving. Here’s some advice from DANNYLAND: Put down the clove cigarette and the green hair dye and pick up a job application. Teenagers ride skateboards. Adults drive cars. Why not try being home before the sun goes down? That’s what people do that don’t like tear gas. You sleep on a freaking mattress….you don’t set it on fire and kick it down a street while trying to balance your backpack.

I could go on but Hillary Clinton just showed up wearing latex gloves and wanting to go for a “quiet walk in the park.” I’ll be putting electrical tape on my nipples and looking for my will.