If you have a good relationship with your HOA then you never speak to them and they never speak to you.  Imagine a world in which you pay $357.82 a month to have no communication.  That’s my world and sadly I have to communicate with my HOA about once a week.  The person in control of my HOA has the name of Mary.  Mary is an idiot.

I like to be left alone.  I don’t need my phone ringing or anyone knocking on my door with a covered dish.  If I want to make friends I’ll go to the bar.  Don’t bother me on my time when I’m not bothering anyone.  Mary bothers me.  Mary is a pain in my ass.

It started the past spring when Mary sent me a letter saying my deck needed to be painted.  Keep in mind I had just moved into my new place the previous fall.  I take pride in where I live and always wish to increase the value in my property.  The deck was on my list but, quite frankly, wasn’t a priority.  I hired a painter to fix the problem and he wasn’t cheap.  He cost me about $1600.  Because of the rain he didn’t get to my project until the end of June.  This illustrated how stupid and vindictive Mary is.  She kept hounding me with calls wanting to know when I was going to have my deck fixed.  I tried to explain to this ass hat that I can’t control the weather and I may have to build a fucking ark and gather up animals by the pair.  This retard still wasn’t able to put together a sentence that is worth repeating.

Let’s fast forward to last week.  The garbage guys toss my can and break it.  I call the number on the can to get a new one.  Number is disconnected.  I say “SHIT!!!!”  I gotta call Mary.  Did I mention she’s an idiot?  I know this won’t go well.  I was right.  I asked for the number of the garbage company and she wouldn’t give it to me.  She said she would fix the problem.  On Tuesday a neighbor showed up at my house.  He looked like the present day Rob Reiner.  He said he was sent to my house by Mary.  He had a garbage can.  How nice right?  The problem was this can was about the size of something you’d have under your kitchen sink. Thanks Meathead….are you trying to help or are you just a prop in this fucking goat show?   Can Mary be that stupid?  Sadly, I believe she is.

I call up Mary and congratulate her on being an idiot and tell her that I’m gonna buy a 64 gallon can at Home Depot and just bill her for the forty bucks.  She tells me I can’t do that and if I do she will place me in collection.  Really?  I told this ass munch “Ya do that and I’ll sue the HOA for harassment and no one will be able to buy or sell in the association until the lawsuit is settled.  Enjoy that forty bucks!!!!”  I’ll let ya know how next week goes my friends.  Thanks for reading and be happy you don’t have a “Mary” in your life.