soccer violenceUrine bomb.   Think about that.  Someone actually urinates in a  plastic bag, ties it off, and tries to smuggle a bag of piss into a stadium to throw on the opposition’s fans.  Who are these barbarians?  They are soccer fans.

The World Cup has begun this week and the silliness of soccer is on my mind.  A game can end 0-0.  After all that running and kicking there is no resolution.  No winner or loser.  Nothing.  THAT’S worthy of throwing a urine bomb at someone.

I’ll see that urine bomb and raise you a toilet.  Yes a freaking toilet.  Recently rebels inside the stadium unscrewed a toilet, passed it through the stands, then threw it over a ledge at fans of the opposing team.  Tragically a man was killed.  Killed by a flying toilet.  How would you like to explain that one to your life insurance agent?  What is the thought process here.  One guy yells “ I got me crescent wrench with me…let’s take the shitter from the loo and throw at  those fans.  Who’s with me?  Group responds “CHARGE!!!!!!!”

I’m going back to the couch to watch bowling.

The guy pictured to the left is former quarterback Joe Theisman.  He used to play for the Washington Redskins and at one time was in a long-term relationship with Cathy Lee Crosby.  I have weird sleeping patterns and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I  see all kinds of silly commercials for all kinds of silly products.  Joe Theisman is currently pitching a product called “Super Beta Prostate.”  You MUST watch the video for this product and listen to Joe share with all of us the reason why he needs it.  Click to see video HERE.

Joe now does play-by-play of NFL games and according to this video the first thing he does when he enters a stadium is find the closest bathroom in case he has that “sudden urge to go.”  Did he actually negotiate that in his contract?  Now when I listen to his play-by-play and I don’t hear him for 30 seconds am I supposed to wonder if it’s because his “prostate is giving him fits?”  How about the doctor in this video that actually asks “do ya wanna stronger urine flow?”  Look….I have a lot of things on my bucket list….a stronger urine flow is not one of them.  Where does that come in handy?  I don’t see myself fighting off potential gropers in a Turkish bath with my “stronger urine flow.”

Joe actually says, “My wife and I sleep better and I wake up feeling younger.”  I’m sure she DOES sleep better.  It’s hard to relax and go to sleep not knowing if there is gonna be an eruption from a urine geyser.  Too bad he wasn’t a spokesman for this product during his playing days.  Who would wanna tackle him???  He’d be running all over the field looking like he was a broken sprinkler head.

I’m  still a fan of Joe Theisman but I can assure ya one thing; IF I ever meet him I won’t be shaking his hand!