spaghetti

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These are turbulent times my friends. I took a moment to shut off the news and reflect upon my journey in life. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. I have become much more aware of that fact as life continues to pass on by. I was an only child and I was a handful. I challenged everything someone would say….a trait that continues today. I had wonderful parents…thankfully Mom is still alive today. Times were different back then. There was no such thing as “time out.” Each of my parents had their preferred punishment weapon. Dad liked the belt and Mom knew how to work that wooden spoon.

I still shudder at the sound I would hear from the kitchen when I would push Mom too far. The opening of the drawer beneath the microwave…then the sound of her fumbling through the kitchen utensils….suddenly the noise stops…..she has found her weapon of choice….THE WOODEN SPOON!!!

She spins like Wyatt Earp at the OK Corral….we make eye contact….she raises her weapon (which oddly enough was being used to stir spaghetti sauce just twelve hours ago) and makes her approach to “teach me a lesson.” I immediately run towards the circular dining room table. I use the table like a blocking sled to stay away from her boisterous advance. Suddenly I trip in my “stocking feet.” Mom straddles me like a LA cop. All of a sudden I feel like “Rodney King Light.” Good thing I ran Mom around the dining room table to tire her out. She only beat me for about ten minutes. Then she stood up and said “I’m gonna reheat yesterday’s spaghetti…want some?” Compared to 2020….that seems pretty normal to me.

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ImageSo i see this article where Lindsay Lohan has encouraged others to start tweeting their dreams.  I don’t know if that is a good idea.  Dreams are in the subconscious for a reason:  If you ever shared these thoughts in the conscious world chances are you’d be taken away by a bunch of guys in white hawking some butterfly nets.

For instance I just woke up from a nap and here are the highlights of my dream.  I was back in high school and late for football practice.  I was forty-eight years old but still trying out for the varsity team.  George Clooney was on the team as well but he wasn’t going to practice.  I tried to run to the practice field but I couldn’t’ because my legs were heavy.  I decided to go to class instead and when I was in the band room It had turned into a pizza parlor and I got an Italian meat ball sub.  All of a sudden I notice the food and beverage director from when I was a bartender at the Holiday Inn was now the principal.  He said I had to leave the school because he knew I was serving the kids drinks.  I went to the student parking lot and couldn’t find my car.  All of a sudden the rent-a-cop turned into a giant cobra and started hissing at me.  It was at this point that I woke up.

Now imagine if I picked up a bull horn and read the above paragraph aloud in the middle of a shopping mall.  How long before ya think I would be weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti?

The lesson here is simple:  sometimes it’s good to keep your thoughts to yourself.