ocd

OCD is often misunderstood and  we have a tendency to criticize things we don’t know about.  Here’s a look into my wacky life.

I have OCD.  It’s an odd disease that has many interesting obstacles and hurdles.  My mom always asks me “How can I help you?”  Truth is there isn’t a cure but it can be treatable but it can also lead to other disorders such as social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder (yes I have those as well.)

I vacuum all the time can muster and own a container of glass plus for every room in the house.  I don’t count steps or make sure my door is locked five times but I am an unforgiving perfectionist which is good in my work experience as long as I don’t expect the same of others.  I do have to have everything in its place and I need things in rows and columns or I experience fear which turns into anxiety and turns into self doubt.  I know this sounds negative but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.  We all have problems and daily tests we must handle in order to better ourselves as human beings and contributors to society.  I don’t have all the answers so that’s why I hide behind a sense of humor while asking question from the wise that can help me complete my mission.  I would write more but I have lists to make.  As always thanks for listening.  🙂

me and momToday is a special day. My Mom is 76 today and is quite an amazing person. She still works full time, enjoys doing outside yard work, and goes to church every Sunday. When I was in ICU she was there every day including the six days I was unconscious. When I regained consciousness she was there as I had to learn how to speak and eat again. I remember her having faith that I could chew a cracker. I thought she was trying to choke me. She was right. How weird that must have been for her to go through something she had gone through so many years ago.
I learned something I never knew about my mother. While in ICU I asked her “When did you tell your first lie?” She replied “I never have. I’ve always been kind of an oddball.” Oddball? This is the furthest thing from being an oddball and something that is parallel to the life of a Saint. Mom has been staying at my house since my release from ICU on October 6th. It’s not easy as I have always thrived on living and being alone. We have had long conversations about my OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder. Although it is hard for her to relate I give her credit for acknowledging my need to always have a TV on 24/7 and how I cannot exist in silence.
I, on the other hand, have figured out her mastering of being passive-aggressive. She will ask me a question and I will say “no.” Five minutes later she asks basically the same question but in a different way. There comes a time when ya just have to say “F##k it” and do what she wants. It makes her happy and stops me from having a severe panic attack and possibly being led away by men in white suits and butterfly nets.
I take this day and salute all of you mothers. I don’t know how ya do it. The unique intuition you have when something is wrong and how you worry non stop. Any female can give birth to a child but it takes an amazing and gifted person to be a mother. I , obviously, am biased and believe that I have the best one in the world. Happy Birthday to my rock in this world and again a special salute to all the mother’s in the world.

Danny beardI’ve been lackadaisical in my blog.  For that matter I have been lackadaisical in my life for the past four months.  I have become obsessed with what direction I wish to take next in life.  Just over four years ago I told management at my last station that people don’t want eight songs an hour…they want content…GREAT content.  We agreed to disagree and went our separate ways.  Guess what?  The show in there now isn’t playing any music.  It wasn’t a surprise to me because I knew I was right then but now I’m truly at a crossroads.

I don’t own a radio.  I only listen to content so that forces me to listen to podcasts at my leisure.  Same thing is happening to TV.   I have had numerous offers to return to radio but they want me to run these “features” like “Three things ya need to know”. “College of Knowledge”, “Skirt with the Dirt”, etc.  I have no desire to waste the listener’s time with such predictable content.  I also don’t find someone making an ice cream sundae in their pants on a street corner to be very compelling either.

Okay jackass.  You just spent two paragraphs ranting about the problem what is the solution.  Simple….I want to make people react.   I’m an open book.  I’ve made many mistakes and bad choices in life but those pitfalls taught me so much.  I have been diagnosed with OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder.  I don’t say that to gain your sympathy I just lay it out there so anyone else struggling with it knows they are not alone.

I truly believe that we are living in times that are quite frightening.   The dumb asses out there that are following Kim K and Kanye need to pay attention to events/stories that really affect our lives.  I don’t want to discuss politics all the time.   I know a little about a lot.  I wanna make you laugh, cry, agree, disagree, love me, hate me, love to hate me but above and beyond I want to learn from you.  That was an answer I gave a General Manager in a large market about 6 months ago when he asked me “What type of show do ya do?”   He looked at me like I just spoke a foreign language.

I have a decision to make very soon.  Hold out for a radio gig that will let me loose and employ my strengths or enter the podcast world where there are no rules or parameters.  On paper it looks like a no-brainer but I hate to walk away from something I love even it appears to be unfixable.