Richard Nixon

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presidents day

So today is President’s Day.  How are ya supposed to celebrate it?  I even know that on Arbor Day you are supposed to plant a tree but it doesn’t seem to make any sense to go out and buy a mattress on Presidents Day.  My parents spent a fortune on braces so I don’t have the need for wooden teeth and I don’t think it would be a good idea to go to the theater today and sit in the balcony and wait for a disgruntled actor to pop off a round in my direction.

I could honor Gerald Ford by falling down the stairs but I currently don’t have medical coverage and I can break a bone just by sneezing so that’s not a good idea either.  I could make the Bill Clinton fans happy by grabbing a cigar and throwing an intern under my desk but I live alone and spend most of my free time looking for work so that’s not gonna happen either.

I considered honoring that liar Richard Nixon by walking up to random women here in West Palm Beach and telling them I am a millionaire and a super model in Europe but that would entail me leaving the house and traveling more than my safe haven of three miles.  I think the only thing I really can do is wash my bedding and maybe throw in a few extra dryer sheets.  Happy President’s Day.

 

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The campaign for the Presidency has begun.  I have been watching the GOP debates over the past few months and all I can say is this:  We are in trouble.  I’m taking politics out of it because I am not a fan of either party.  The irony to me is that we have created this mess for the same reason so many in the world don’t like us.  America likes SEXY.  We like the long pass for a touchdown, we like the girl to be a super-model, we like big fireworks displays, we hope our daughters marry doctors or lawyers.  We LIKE sexy!

Sexy works in the movies but it doesn’t work in politics.  Pretty Woman is a great movie.  It’s not a great movie with Margaret Cho and Richard Belzer in starring roles.  America has become a big business.  We need a businessman to run  our country.  Warren Buffett makes money no matter what the economy is.  Warren Buffett is probably one of the greatest businessmen in the world.  Warren Buffet is NOT sexy.  Warren Buffet looks like Mr. Magoo but he gets results.  Americans are obsessed with the visual.  We need white teeth.  We need the new iPhone.  We need an iPad.  We need to get our hair done.  We need to lose weight.  Guess what???  Our needs are really screwed up because what we need to do is come together and fix this country.  Warren Buffett won’t do it because he doesn’t need the head ache and he’s not gonna take the pay cut.

We all make mistakes.  We all have skeletons in the closet.  Let’s not forget where we came from but I think its more important to focus on where we are.  If ya smoked pot in college I don’t care.  If ya didn’t I know you are lying or I’m not gonna vote for ya.  If ya cheated on your wife that’s between you and your wife.  If ya did gay porn in college I don’t care.  I gave plasma but I bet the gay porn paid better.  I remember a woman telling me she voted for a particular candidate for mayor because his support staff handed her a nail file with his name on it.  I wish I was making that up….I’m not.

Sexy works in magazines and in beauty pageants.  It’s not a good way to gauge your vote.  We are a materialistic instant gratification society and that’s not gonna change but in order for us to prosper we need to avoid the “sexy” and get the right man or woman in there to fix this economic mess.  If you’re gonna ask me how Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon got elected that was BEFORE MTV so my sexy theory doesn’t apply.  🙂