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Real meaning of Xmas

Click below and listen.  The first part of every Dannyland is when Danny just rants and raves about things that are on his mind.  Always unpredictable today is no exception.

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ImageSo i see this article where Lindsay Lohan has encouraged others to start tweeting their dreams.  I don’t know if that is a good idea.  Dreams are in the subconscious for a reason:  If you ever shared these thoughts in the conscious world chances are you’d be taken away by a bunch of guys in white hawking some butterfly nets.

For instance I just woke up from a nap and here are the highlights of my dream.  I was back in high school and late for football practice.  I was forty-eight years old but still trying out for the varsity team.  George Clooney was on the team as well but he wasn’t going to practice.  I tried to run to the practice field but I couldn’t’ because my legs were heavy.  I decided to go to class instead and when I was in the band room It had turned into a pizza parlor and I got an Italian meat ball sub.  All of a sudden I notice the food and beverage director from when I was a bartender at the Holiday Inn was now the principal.  He said I had to leave the school because he knew I was serving the kids drinks.  I went to the student parking lot and couldn’t find my car.  All of a sudden the rent-a-cop turned into a giant cobra and started hissing at me.  It was at this point that I woke up.

Now imagine if I picked up a bull horn and read the above paragraph aloud in the middle of a shopping mall.  How long before ya think I would be weaving baskets out of cooked spaghetti?

The lesson here is simple:  sometimes it’s good to keep your thoughts to yourself.

 

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Today is a big day if you like to partake in the inhalation of marijuana.  The time of 4:20 PM was singled out as the appropriate time during the day to smoke the wacky weed by an editor of High Times.  Although I don’t smoke pot myself I have in the past and I am a huge advocate of the legalization of marijuana.  Our prisons are filled with people that have consumed and sold something that is legal in some states.  That seems like a silly and huge contradiction to me.

Opponents of the legalization of marijuana will argue that it’s a “gateway drug” that will lead to  experimentation and abuse of other drugs.  Let me set the record straight:  It leads you to the gateway of Pizza and Funions.  Legalization of pot would have a drastic effect on this country.  Video game sales would skyrocket and furniture stores would experience a record amount of sofa and recliner sales.  The police would not be happy as there never would be another speeding ticket written again.  The speed limit on the highways would have to be reduced to 35 miles an hour.  Imagine how much fuel we would conserve.

Legalize weed and your husband will never say to you “There’s nothing to eat in this house.”  He’ll grab an onion, two slices of bread, some chocolate syrup and a can of tuna and proudly proclaim he has discovered “the greatest sandwich in the world!”  The divorce rate would decrease dramatically as your fights would go like this:  SHE:  “Didn’t I tell you yesterday to take out the trash?”  HE:  “I’m not sure.”  SHE:  “Me either.  Where are the Doritoes.”

So if you happen to be driving this afternoon around 4:20PM and it seems like there aren’t a lot of people on the road, don’t worry, they’ll all be at The Golden Corral.