ocd

OCD is often misunderstood and  we have a tendency to criticize things we don’t know about.  Here’s a look into my wacky life.

I have OCD.  It’s an odd disease that has many interesting obstacles and hurdles.  My mom always asks me “How can I help you?”  Truth is there isn’t a cure but it can be treatable but it can also lead to other disorders such as social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder (yes I have those as well.)

I vacuum all the time can muster and own a container of glass plus for every room in the house.  I don’t count steps or make sure my door is locked five times but I am an unforgiving perfectionist which is good in my work experience as long as I don’t expect the same of others.  I do have to have everything in its place and I need things in rows and columns or I experience fear which turns into anxiety and turns into self doubt.  I know this sounds negative but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.  We all have problems and daily tests we must handle in order to better ourselves as human beings and contributors to society.  I don’t have all the answers so that’s why I hide behind a sense of humor while asking question from the wise that can help me complete my mission.  I would write more but I have lists to make.  As always thanks for listening.  🙂

me and momToday is a special day. My Mom is 76 today and is quite an amazing person. She still works full time, enjoys doing outside yard work, and goes to church every Sunday. When I was in ICU she was there every day including the six days I was unconscious. When I regained consciousness she was there as I had to learn how to speak and eat again. I remember her having faith that I could chew a cracker. I thought she was trying to choke me. She was right. How weird that must have been for her to go through something she had gone through so many years ago.
I learned something I never knew about my mother. While in ICU I asked her “When did you tell your first lie?” She replied “I never have. I’ve always been kind of an oddball.” Oddball? This is the furthest thing from being an oddball and something that is parallel to the life of a Saint. Mom has been staying at my house since my release from ICU on October 6th. It’s not easy as I have always thrived on living and being alone. We have had long conversations about my OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder. Although it is hard for her to relate I give her credit for acknowledging my need to always have a TV on 24/7 and how I cannot exist in silence.
I, on the other hand, have figured out her mastering of being passive-aggressive. She will ask me a question and I will say “no.” Five minutes later she asks basically the same question but in a different way. There comes a time when ya just have to say “F##k it” and do what she wants. It makes her happy and stops me from having a severe panic attack and possibly being led away by men in white suits and butterfly nets.
I take this day and salute all of you mothers. I don’t know how ya do it. The unique intuition you have when something is wrong and how you worry non stop. Any female can give birth to a child but it takes an amazing and gifted person to be a mother. I , obviously, am biased and believe that I have the best one in the world. Happy Birthday to my rock in this world and again a special salute to all the mother’s in the world.

Danny beardI’ve been lackadaisical in my blog.  For that matter I have been lackadaisical in my life for the past four months.  I have become obsessed with what direction I wish to take next in life.  Just over four years ago I told management at my last station that people don’t want eight songs an hour…they want content…GREAT content.  We agreed to disagree and went our separate ways.  Guess what?  The show in there now isn’t playing any music.  It wasn’t a surprise to me because I knew I was right then but now I’m truly at a crossroads.

I don’t own a radio.  I only listen to content so that forces me to listen to podcasts at my leisure.  Same thing is happening to TV.   I have had numerous offers to return to radio but they want me to run these “features” like “Three things ya need to know”. “College of Knowledge”, “Skirt with the Dirt”, etc.  I have no desire to waste the listener’s time with such predictable content.  I also don’t find someone making an ice cream sundae in their pants on a street corner to be very compelling either.

Okay jackass.  You just spent two paragraphs ranting about the problem what is the solution.  Simple….I want to make people react.   I’m an open book.  I’ve made many mistakes and bad choices in life but those pitfalls taught me so much.  I have been diagnosed with OCD, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder.  I don’t say that to gain your sympathy I just lay it out there so anyone else struggling with it knows they are not alone.

I truly believe that we are living in times that are quite frightening.   The dumb asses out there that are following Kim K and Kanye need to pay attention to events/stories that really affect our lives.  I don’t want to discuss politics all the time.   I know a little about a lot.  I wanna make you laugh, cry, agree, disagree, love me, hate me, love to hate me but above and beyond I want to learn from you.  That was an answer I gave a General Manager in a large market about 6 months ago when he asked me “What type of show do ya do?”   He looked at me like I just spoke a foreign language.

I have a decision to make very soon.  Hold out for a radio gig that will let me loose and employ my strengths or enter the podcast world where there are no rules or parameters.  On paper it looks like a no-brainer but I hate to walk away from something I love even it appears to be unfixable.

The 85th Academy Awards® will air live on Oscar® Sunday, February 24, 2013.The Oscar nominations were announced this morning.  I have OCD so I don’t watch a lot of movies because I can’t sit still so it really wasn’t a big deal to me until the media started fanning the flames of racism.  For only the second time in nearly two decades, the 20 Academy Awards acting nominations went to a group made up entirely of white actors and actresses.   Why even report that?

Here’s how I see it.  There are two types of people in this world:  good and bad.  There are different types of religions for you to choose to follow and what you choose to believe does not really matter….it’s what you DO that makes you either good or bad.

What if the roles were reversed and all the acting nominees were black?  I couldn’t care less.  To me that would mean that those were the best acting performances of the year.  Why does color have to come into it?  We will never get past racism until we look beyond the color of someone’s skin yet the media continues to fan the flames of the difference in color.

Let me illustrate the absurd by being absurd.  Take Affirmative Action for instance.  If I own a company and have ten openings I am going to hire the ten best people for the job.  I don’t care about color, I don’t care if ya show up to work with a parrot on your shoulder or if you come to work on a pogo stick.  Can you do the job?  End of story.  Imagine if Affirmative Action was enforced in the NBA.  Do you think a team would ever score fifty points in a game?

Why do we continue to try to make ourselves the same?  Difference is good.  It makes us examine a pattern of thinking that we may not have considered and in some cases we actually end up learning something.  Heaven forbid we actually do something like that.

im crazyI’m not crazy I just lay everything on the table and am brutally honest.  I was on a job interview a week ago and the General Manager asked, what I think, is a silly question:  “Why do you want this job?”  I told the truth “Because right now you are doing it all wrong.”

I have OCD, clinically diagnosed, and that’s no secret to those that know me.  I’m an expert at making eggs sunny side up.  I have to eat around the yolk because I need to put the entire unbroken yolk in my mouth at once…told ya life with me is a day at the fun house.

I wasn’t blessed with a hairless body and sometimes there is a need to shave portions of my back.  Let me tell you there is no way to look cool and attempt to remove these unwanted patches.  I swear I’m gonna dislocate my shoulder one of these days.

I floss with dental tape (not floss) at least five times a day and I think the feeling of a Q-Tip with warm water in my ear is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

It bothers me when  people on morning TV say “As you head out the door this morning….”—-where else are you gonna vacate your home?  Ya gonna rappel down the side of your house from your second story window?

I love the smell of a magic marker.  I believe you need to have Glass Plus within reach at all times.  I have a King Size bed with a sleep number mattress…..I don’t sleep in my bed.  I sleep on the couch and MUST have a TV on 24 hours a day.

I really get pissed when someone is mean to an older person.  Old people have knowledge….talk to them…they have many answers we seek.

I have never owned a bathrobe and I never will unless I decide to go after a black belt in karate.  When I see televised arm wrestling I assume those that are watching are never gonna be able to split an atom.

I live alone so I spend most of my day in my boxers…..only bad thing about that is Tuesday and Friday nights when I wheel out my garbage….sorry neighbors…just look away.

I could go on…but ya just might think I’m crazy.