Lite-Brite

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datingI don’t date and I do it by choice.  The last time I was on a date was October 23, 2011.  The world is one big bowl of nuts and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m probably the walnut but I have figured out there are three types of women that I would avoid at all costs.  In no particular order here are the signs:

YOU KNOW THE NAME OF AT LEAST ONE “REAL HOUSEWIFE”:  There is nothing “real” about any of these whack jobs.  Watching this show is like making a visit to the local mental ward to observe the patients to feel good about yourself.  If ya wanna live in fantasy land then dress up like Captain America and go to a comic book convention.

YOU THINK FISH ARE PETS:  Let me break the news to ya Moby Dick….anything you can eat is NOT a pet.  Fish are a meal.  Ya can’t train them and ya can’t pet them.  If you actually believe that you are a pet owner because you have a tank on display in your den then ya might wanna consider cooking some pasta and weaving me a basket.

YOU HAVE  STUFFED ANIMALS ON YOUR BED:  Unless you work at the dime toss booth at the fair and your bedroom is a closet for the prizes you need to be on some sort of medication.  You are an adult so start acting like one.  Do ya scream for mommy when ya have a bad dream and still play with your Lite Brite when Amanda Bynes won’t answer your tweet?  I hope not.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest….I’m going back to posting pictures on facebook of food I’m about to eat and writing various celebrities to ask for autographed pictures.  THAT’S normal!

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If you know me then you know I have always made the comment “I’m gonna sell everything except the Harley, move to Key West, and tend bar.”   The way things are going in this world I’m ready to move there NOW!

Look at the water-color to the left.  It was painted by Senator Dan Patrick of Texas.  He actually said the face of Jesus magically appeared when he tried to correct his painting.  Ever since Chaz Bono has been announced as a contestant on “Dancing With The Stars,” discussion boards have blown up!  “I’m not watching.”  “How did he grow his beard?”  ” Does he FEEL like a man?”  “Look at all the cheese he bought this weekend.”  This is REALLY happening people!

I don’t care if Chaz Bono can grow a beard.  Eat all the cheese ya like.  I don’t worry about what he feels like.  Chaz Bono doesn’t affect which TV show I watch but I would look at his “thing” if he slung it over the shoulder of Tom Bergeron.  Just being honest.

Jesus didn’t “magically appear” on your painting Senator.  You suck as an artist.  Unless you make your living as painter I think we all were pretty much done with water colors by our tenth birthday.  Why not say you think Jesus may have been homosexual since he never married and always hung out with a bunch of guys? THAT makes more sense to me than you claiming his face “magically appeared” when you couldn’t find your Lite Brite and you decided to play with your paint-by-number set.

The Dow Jones is falling and the crazy factor is going off the charts.  Time for me to plan a yard sale!