hollywood

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browns

I am a football fan.  I love my hometown team which is the Cleveland Browns.  The Browns are the laughing stock of the NFL.  Even those that aren’t football fans like to make jokes about my team and that’s okay.  I cheer for them every week and never miss a game.  I also laugh very hard during those three hours as they resemble a Stooge routine minus a pie fight.

Anyone can cheer for a winner but I believe a real winner cheers for a loser.  The Patriots are always in the play offs and probably will win the Super Bowl again this year.  That doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me.  How can winning a championship be fun when it happens all the time?  Every week the Browns find a new way to lose.  Every week we have a new quarterback.  Every week we have a player get hurt.  Every other week a player gets arrested or goes to rehab.  If the Browns season were made into a Hollywood script no one would buy it because no one would believe it.  They say misery loves company and that company is the Cleveland Browns.

The journey of life is full of disappointments.  The life of a Browns fan is nothing but a disappointment with a side dish of frustration and I love it.  I know that every Monday my hometown will do two things:  bitch and moan.  Being a Browns fan is a great way to relieve stress.  Anything that goes wrong during your week will never match the disgrace that you witness on the football field every Sunday.

The Super Bowl is the ultimate game of the year.  The Browns have never been to the Super Bowl.  I hope, in my lifetime, I will witness the Browns win the Super Bowl but you have to be careful what you wish for.  We would be world champions.  The struggle and disappointment would be over.  There wouldn’t be a reason to bitch and moan.  There would be a parade downtown.  Thousands of people would faint from disbelief.  The four horsemen would appear and the seven seals would begin to open.  Our coach would hoist the trophy in front of the world and I assume he would drop it.  I don’t think I would ever be properly prepared for that day because I would have to be happy.  I don’t want to be a champion and that’s why I am a Browns fan.

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jennifer lawrenceI have an iPhone.  I am not a celebrity.  I also don’t have a picture of my wang in my camera roll.  For the past three days now we have heard from celebrities that are “SHOCKED” that their camera phones were hacked and their nude selfies have been splattered across the internet.  Well let me slap you a dose of reality.  If ya wanna get naked with your better half I’m all for it but if ya don’t want to take the chance that a picture of your venus mound is gonna be on TMZ then don’t take a picture of you in your birthday suit with your smart phone.

Ya ever need to go and get your phone looked at?  You’ve had problems with it for hours and fear the worst but some 17 year old kid with bad skin fixes the problem in thirty seconds.  We all have seen this happen so where is the news when a serious hacker is able to crack the code of a smart phone?

Kate Upton has made millions showing off her massive cleavage and now she is “OUTRAGED” by a nude selfie of her and her boyfriend, Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, posted on the internet.  If I were Kate I’d be “outraged” as well as there are more curves on the body of her boyfriend.  Put down the camera phone, call room service and order a burger.

Ya notice all the affected celebrities are women?  I guess only politicians are worthy of having their wang being newsworthy.   My other guess is that the female body really is beautiful.  A naked dude looks like he’s breaking the law and let’s be honest about the penis…..not very attractive….kind of resembles a very long thumb minus the nail.

These celebrities are all saying they are “victims” and that is one thing I agree with—victims of not using common sense.

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At this writing THREE people have now come forward saying John Travolta wanted his male masseuse to give him some extra service.   There is something seriously wrong when anyone can say anything about anyone and there are no repercussions on those filing false claims.   John Travolta has a ton of cash.  If he wants someone to yank and pull on his Barbarino he’s not gonna approach someone he doesn’t know on a cruise.  There is too  much to lose.

One accuser said Travolta allegedly offered him  $12,000 for gay sex.  That is such a random number it further facilitates my belief that this is all a bunch of bullshit.  Where does THAT number come from?  I’ve never been involved in a bidding war for gay sex but I imagine it would be in incriminates of fives and tens.  The only way I see $12,000 being made as an offer is if was a compromise.  Travolta offered ten grand, cabin boy wanted fifteen, so then the next offer would be $12,500.  See…..it’s STILL not twelve grand.

I try to put myself in the position of the masseuse to see how I would handle the situation.  If I’m giving Travolta a deep tissue massage and he rolls over with an erection that would cut through steel and starts lumbering towards me like a bear I exit the scene.  I’m not sticking around to find out how this story ends.  There is no discussion about money.  There isn’t an opportunity for him to ask for a hug.  Start rolling the credits people because I’m not gonna be around when he asks me “Ya wanna know what I mean by Face-Off????”

No go pick on the Kardashians….at least they deserve it.