presidents day

So today is President’s Day.  How are ya supposed to celebrate it?  I even know that on Arbor Day you are supposed to plant a tree but it doesn’t seem to make any sense to go out and buy a mattress on Presidents Day.  My parents spent a fortune on braces so I don’t have the need for wooden teeth and I don’t think it would be a good idea to go to the theater today and sit in the balcony and wait for a disgruntled actor to pop off a round in my direction.

I could honor Gerald Ford by falling down the stairs but I currently don’t have medical coverage and I can break a bone just by sneezing so that’s not a good idea either.  I could make the Bill Clinton fans happy by grabbing a cigar and throwing an intern under my desk but I live alone and spend most of my free time looking for work so that’s not gonna happen either.

I considered honoring that liar Richard Nixon by walking up to random women here in West Palm Beach and telling them I am a millionaire and a super model in Europe but that would entail me leaving the house and traveling more than my safe haven of three miles.  I think the only thing I really can do is wash my bedding and maybe throw in a few extra dryer sheets.  Happy President’s Day.