The campaign for the Presidency has begun.  I have been watching the GOP debates over the past few months and all I can say is this:  We are in trouble.  I’m taking politics out of it because I am not a fan of either party.  The irony to me is that we have created this mess for the same reason so many in the world don’t like us.  America likes SEXY.  We like the long pass for a touchdown, we like the girl to be a super-model, we like big fireworks displays, we hope our daughters marry doctors or lawyers.  We LIKE sexy!

Sexy works in the movies but it doesn’t work in politics.  Pretty Woman is a great movie.  It’s not a great movie with Margaret Cho and Richard Belzer in starring roles.  America has become a big business.  We need a businessman to run  our country.  Warren Buffett makes money no matter what the economy is.  Warren Buffett is probably one of the greatest businessmen in the world.  Warren Buffet is NOT sexy.  Warren Buffet looks like Mr. Magoo but he gets results.  Americans are obsessed with the visual.  We need white teeth.  We need the new iPhone.  We need an iPad.  We need to get our hair done.  We need to lose weight.  Guess what???  Our needs are really screwed up because what we need to do is come together and fix this country.  Warren Buffett won’t do it because he doesn’t need the head ache and he’s not gonna take the pay cut.

We all make mistakes.  We all have skeletons in the closet.  Let’s not forget where we came from but I think its more important to focus on where we are.  If ya smoked pot in college I don’t care.  If ya didn’t I know you are lying or I’m not gonna vote for ya.  If ya cheated on your wife that’s between you and your wife.  If ya did gay porn in college I don’t care.  I gave plasma but I bet the gay porn paid better.  I remember a woman telling me she voted for a particular candidate for mayor because his support staff handed her a nail file with his name on it.  I wish I was making that up….I’m not.

Sexy works in magazines and in beauty pageants.  It’s not a good way to gauge your vote.  We are a materialistic instant gratification society and that’s not gonna change but in order for us to prosper we need to avoid the “sexy” and get the right man or woman in there to fix this economic mess.  If you’re gonna ask me how Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon got elected that was BEFORE MTV so my sexy theory doesn’t apply.  🙂

I really miss being on the radio but it has been an invaluable learning experience for me.  I have had the opportunity to listen to a LOT of morning radio across the country.  Some good but most of it wasn’t good at all.  As someone who has “listened” to a ton of radio recently I’d like to point out three things that make me bail on a morning show (commercials are a given but a good tease will get ya through the break as long as it’s not a six-minute stop set).

1)  LAUGHING WHEN IT’S NOT FUNNY:  I love to laugh but some of these shows seem like  there’s a gas leak in the studio.  Imagine being out with your friends and laughing at EVERYTHING they say:  Friend:  “I think I’ll have the eggplant”  YOU:  AHHHHHH…you said eggplant.  It doesn’t have a shell so how can it be an egg?AHHHHHHHHHHH!”  Awkward.  Not real.

2)  NOT ENGAGING ME:  Entertain or inform me.  If you are talking to just hear yourself talk you are wasting the listener’s time.  I can get that without commercial interruption at the DMV.  Let’s take a simple topic like traffic tickets.  If you got one on the way to work I don’t care.  If you got OUT of one I’m a bit interested HOW that happened.  If you got out of it by telling the cop you are a producer for gay porn and you think his mustache is a turn on, I’m engaged AND entertained.  “I’ll tell ya why I’m walking funny, next!” is the tease into the break.

3)  DOES IT INVOLVE THE “BIG THREE:”  There are three categories that will grab someone’s interest:  a)  their home, b)  their heart and c)  their bank account.  If you start talking about any of these three,  people will show some interest.  Get them involved, make them laugh and/or  learn something then they will STAY interested.

Those are my three.  What makes YOU shut off morning radio?  In the meantime I’ll be on a busy street corner making a banana split in my pants hoping to get some TV coverage.