I have been on record for saying “Trust No One.” I have been burned too many times. Trust is not something that should be handed out like a flyer when you exit the flea market. Trust is earned and cannot be for sale. I have learned that people will use you for their own satisfaction. That will never happen to me again. I won’t allow it.
I don’t need a stranger knocking on my door with a bowl of potato salad. I don’t want to go to the neighborhood block party. I want to be left alone so I decided to purchase an eye patch.
For fifteen bucks I think I have found the secret to being ignored. No one wants to approach the guy with the eye patch. There is an immediate sense of danger and apprehension attached to anyone that wears the aforementioned patch. What happened? Is he a pirate? Does he own a parrot? Is that leg made of wood? The questions are endless.
Anything that insures privacy is a good thing. I find an eye patch to be much more effective than a “Beware of the Dog” sign. It’s two bucks at K-Mart and doesn’t release my fear factor. So if you see me around town, I’ll be wearing my patch and more than likely sitting in the corner of the room with my eye (notice how it’s not plural?) locked on the entrance. Knowledge is power.
Opponents of the legalization of marijuana will argue that it’s a “gateway drug” that will lead to experimentation and abuse of other drugs. Let me set the record straight: It leads you to the gateway of Pizza and Funions. Legalization of pot would have a drastic effect on this country. Video game sales would skyrocket and furniture stores would experience a record amount of sofa and recliner sales. The police would not be happy as there never would be another speeding ticket written again. The speed limit on the highways would have to be reduced to 35 miles an hour. Imagine how much fuel we would conserve.
Legalize weed and your husband will never say to you “There’s nothing to eat in this house.” He’ll grab an onion, two slices of bread, some chocolate syrup and a can of tuna and proudly proclaim he has discovered “the greatest sandwich in the world!” The divorce rate would decrease dramatically as your fights would go like this: SHE: “Didn’t I tell you yesterday to take out the trash?” HE: “I’m not sure.” SHE: “Me either. Where are the Doritoes.”
So if you happen to be driving this afternoon around 4:20PM and it seems like there aren’t a lot of people on the road, don’t worry, they’ll all be at The Golden Corral.