pillow guy

Be part of the TRUTH!  The truth sometimes stings but it will always make ya laugh.  Click below to hear what USED to be on the radio instead of cookie cutter content that would put a cow on crack asleep.

When I was in second grade my father surprised me by bringing home a puppy.  It was my first dog.  I named her “Lady” (give me a break on originality…I was eight years old).  Let’s fast forward to my first Xmas Eve away from home.  I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan working at WKLQ radio.  I wasn’t able to make it back to my family in Cleveland because there was a HUGE snowstorm and I had the flu and a temperature of 103 degrees.

I was literally sick AND very homesick.  I knew my mother was having the family at her house for Xmas Eve so I wanted to call  before people would arrive.  I was very sad but I knew a call to my mother would make my mood a bit better.  We were on the phone for about ten minutes when the I heard the doorbell ring at my childhood home.  Mom said, “Okay, I love you.  Gotta get the door.”  It immediately dawned on me.  Where was Lady’s bark?  That dog ALWAYS barked when the doorbell rang.  It truly was Pavlov’s dog.  I said to my mother, “Wait a minute.  How come Lady isn’t barking?”  The silence on the other end of the phone was almost infinitesimal.  Finally my mother said, “Ya know when ya said we would know when it’s time?”  I was stunned.  All I could muster out of my mouth was, “When did this happen?”  Mom didn’t even hesitate, “About three weeks ago.”

THREE WEEKS AGO?????  You decide to kill my dog three weeks ago and then break the news to me on Xmas Eve when I am 285 miles away from home and almost have a fever that is causing me to hallucinate?  Is it too late to ask Santa to bring me the ashes of my beloved pet on his way to my house?  Ho Ho Ho!

When I tell this story today, which I do often, my mother (who has an AMAZING memory) develops a severe case of amnesia.  She will always say, “That’s not the way it happened.”  I suppose O.J. said the same thing to Robert Shapiro.  Mom lives about ten miles from me here in West Palm Beach and the other day I told her I was planning on riding the Harley down to Key West.  She said, “Let me know.  I’ll watch your dog.”  I cancelled my trip.

 

My black lab is twelve years old.  I’ve spent just about every day with him since the end of January as I look for my next morning radio job.  This has allowed me to observe him and I’ve realised he is much smarter than I thought.  Based on my observations I can share with you these three life lessons:

1)  PICK YOUR PRIORITIES:  My dog really only cares about the following  a)  eating, b) going outside and c) who the hell is at the door?.  I used to run to answer the phone and my dog looked at me like I was an idiot.  I pay for voice mail.  He has a good point.

2)  IF YOU ARE LOOKING AHEAD YOU WILL MISS WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU:  We all need to slow down.  I worry about tomorrow.  I plan for next month.  I never have taken the time to stop and look around.  If my dog did this he would miss all the Doritos crumbs I drop on the floor.

3)  SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA EAT SH@T!:  I caught him doing this the other day.  I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t like it one bit.  I don’t think anyone does but it’s just part of life.  He handles it a lot better than most of us do.  He just comes in the house, gets a drink of water, then looks for a bone to get that taste out of his mouth.  Instead of all of us complaining about the taste we need to DO something to refresh our breath.  Once again…..brilliant.

So what do ya say we ALL let the phone ring, relax and brush our teeth.  It will make for a much better day!