Direct TV

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Everybody I know likes to bitch and moan about their cable company. That was never me….life is a series of ups and downs and I pretty much expect certain businesses that have a monopoly with their services to not care about their brand or customer service….they just want their check. What happened to me was just a new level of low and inconsideration.

I spend two hundred dollars a month with a company that rhymes with Spectrum. I have my internet and five TV’s connected with this company. I moved into my condo in September of 2018. I had four of the five boxes hooked up to television sets. The fifth box was active and left in the living room for when I decided to hook up the television. I am charged eight dollars every month for each active box.

About a month ago I finally got around to hooking up my television in the living room. I connected the box expectig all the services I have been paying for but the only thing I got was the logo of the company that rhymes with Spectrum. I called technical support. We all can relate how this experience is for anyone let alone someone, like me, that has hypertension. The man was very kind and helpful. He explained to me that my signal gets turned off after a certain amount of time if it’s not in use. I was confused. They were still charging me and never notified me they would continue to embezzle eight dollars a month from my account.

I physically visited my business that rhymes with Spectrum and exchanged my box. I explained the problem to the man behind the counter. He told me to go home, hook up the box and call the toll free number and talk to billing. After being on hold for a most pleasant forty-five minutes (and listening to their sales pitch to switch to their mobile plan over and over and over…) I young lady answered and did exactly what I expected……nothing. I then asked for the Supervisor….his name was Maurice….he was a perfect selection to be the Supervisor of Nothing. 😜😜😜. Maurice and I did not agree. He was just doing his job and protecting the brand of the company that rhymes with Spectrum. Sorry….ya just can’t deep fry a turd. 💩💩💩

I told Maurice HIS Supervisor should cal me…we agreed this would be best and hung up. Two days later Julio calls me from North Carolina. I can tell right away he is not my friend. No bueno Senor. 🤣🤣🤣 I explained to Julio that I didn’t care they shut off my signal but just credit my account and I’ll pour a Corona Light and Run With The Bulls. Julio stood his ground and protected the company line. So what’s the message here? Protect the brand at all costs. The company that rhymes with Spectrum is the only game in town where I live. When I have a different option I will “run to the border.”

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Every day in our lives we are faced with situations that cause us to make a series of decisions.  Not every decision is an easy one.  Sometimes we make the wrong decision but it seemed like the right one at the time.  I don’t consider myself to be a future Jeopardy finalist but I know that if I am ever asked to make a sex tape…the anwser will be NO FREAKING WAY!

I have these things called mirrors that are in my bathroom…perhaps you are familiar with them.  When I exit my shower I am able to view myself as God created me.  I think God probably looks down and says “I gave ya a fair shot.  What the hell did you do when I was gone?”  Now even if I were fresh off a cover shoot for Men’s Health there are three reasons making a sex tape is a bad idea:

1)  WHEN WILL YOU WATCH IT?  Would watching yourself put you in the mood?  How narcissistic is that?  Isn’t there enough choices on Direct TV?  Is this something you throw on before or after Judge Judy?  In my case it would take longer to set up the DVD player than my actual “movie.”

2)  AUDIO:  I need to be delicate with this.  Let’s just say that the sounds that a human makes while in the heat of passion don’t need to be documented.  To “listen” to those sounds outside of that passionate moment is both uncomfortable and disturbing.  I keep my windows closed and TV turned up for a reason.  I don’t need my house surrounded by a SWAT team because the neighbors called complaining about someone torturing a racing horse.

3)  NO ONE WILL SEE IT EXCEPT US:  Put that promise up there with your superior telling you “I’ve got your back.”  You are one drunken fight away from having the other person forwarding it to all your facebook friends.  Even if that never happens you know it will be left in the DVD player one day and you’ll soon be the new local adult film star at your babysitters high school.

So if you ever see your partner pull out that flip-cam and say “C’mon…just this once.”  Do something that makes more sense….like getting a neck tattoo.