Dad

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I’m fifty-six years old and enjoy being on social media. I have a twitter account, am on Facebook, do a weekly podcast and of course I have my blog that I thank you so much for reading. I mention my age for a reason. I’m not sure of what exactly happens on Facebook but all of a sudden some of my adult friends have been acting like a bad scene from “Beverly Hills 90210.” I understand that these times are tumultuous and people are on edge but why would anyone get angry over the opinion of someone else? If you are confident of YOUR belief then shouldn’t you feel sorry for the person of different opinion?

If you are familiar with Facebook then you are aware of how to drop “friends.” You highlight their profile, click on the mouse a few times and they are now eliminated. It’s quite similar to getting a ride home from Aaron Hernandez. Facebook teaches you a lot about who your “true” friends are. One weekend, as a kid, my father was in the basement saying “fuck” a lot. That meant he was working on the washing machine. Dad liked to give life advice while he was doing this so I made my way into the utility room. Within five minutes Dad told me; “You watch…later in life you will be able to count your true friends on one hand.” Then he lost his grip on the ratchet and slammed his hand against the agitator and yelled “Son of a Bitch!!!”

A few days ago I was looking at my friends list on Facebook and noticed more than a handful of people had “dropped me as a friend.” I was taken aback at first. I used to work in the radio business for close to thirty years. Some of these folks were colleagues and people that tried to HIRE me. I paused…took a breath…..and thought back to what my dad told me when I was a kid. Then I laughed and said “Son of a Bitch!!”

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me and dadSixteen years ago today my phone rang in Cleveland and I looked at the caller ID.  It was the neighbor of my father.  I knew what this was about before I even answered…..my father had died at the age of 57.  There is no way to prepare anyone for the feelings you will have when losing a parent.  It’s almost like you become a member of “The Club” where you and the others don’t even have to speak your feelings to know what the other has gone through.

After getting the news I remember looking out the window and thinking: “Why are there cars on the road, why are the banks open, why are people grocery shopping and why are people at work?”  It was a big glass of reality for me.  The time we have here on this planet is undetermined and people suffer the loss of loved ones every day but as far as the planet it’s “business as usual.”

I was thirteen and in the basement with Dad when he gave me the greatest advice ever.  He said “Just remember, no matter what, your parents will be the best friends you ever have.”  Of course being thirteen I knew it all and it didn’t really sink in.  Over the years I have truly found not only those words to ring true but also words that have become more relevant and accurate as the days go by.

I really miss the opportunity to grab the phone in my times of trouble or confusion.  I knew that a helpless situation would be put into proper perspective with a five minute conversation with my father.  Now I’m left to figuring it out by myself and I’m not very good at it.

Dad taught me what it was like to be a man.  A man isn’t someone that lifts a lot of weight, can chop down a tree with four swings of an ax, or someone who has to tell anyone “ I’m a man!”  A true man is one that thinks of others instead of himself, gives of his time without expecting anything in return and isn’t afraid to cry from time to time.  I’m still working on so many things he taught me and I hope to have those lessons learned by the time we meet again.   I love you Dad…and look forward to when we meet again…..I got a lot to tell ya!

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I talk on the radio for a living.  The last time I hosted my morning radio show here in West Palm Beach was January 19, 2011.  This time off may have been a bit of a financial burden but it has also been the greatest gift of my life.  I’ve really gotten to know my mother.

Mom moved down here in 1987 and I finally made my way down here in 2004.  The irony was that I was close in distance but the time I put in at the radio station kept me from spending a lot of social time with mom.  I should have MADE more time for mom because she’s quite the remarkable person.  I was so caught up in MY world that valuable time slipped away.  There is an amazing moment in our lives when we look at our parents as “people” and they truly do become our “best friends.”  I lost my father twelve and a half years ago and we were already on that level and in the past nine months I’m happy to say mom and I are on that level as well.

I found out even without a college degree my mom is a remarkable businesswoman.  She’s much more stronger emotionally than me and she actually does possess a sense of humor.  This is all in addition to what I already knew about my mom:    no one will ever be able to have a garden like hers,  she makes the BEST salad in the world (she says the secret is to squeeze a bit of lemon around the bowl before ya toss), and she will ALWAYS over cook a pork roast because “If it’s pink inside, you’re gonna get worms.”

Mom spends a lot of time at my house because we both love to cook.  When she makes the ten-mile drive home I tell her to give me “one ring” when she gets home.  Suddenly the child has become the parent.  I learned a valuable lesson in my time off but now I think its time to get back to work……I really think I’m getting on my mother’s nerves.