I Haven’t Done This In Nine Years!

There is a lot of pressure on folks that are single around the holidays. Once you are over the age of thirty and ya still show up to the family gathering without a partner Uncle Fred and Aunt Ester will be talking about you as soon as ya leave to return home with a tin of cookies. 2020 might be different since we all have seemed to adopt this solitude mentality but I have to admit the decision to not date has it’s benefits.

I was always co-dependent. I had a lot of girlfriends. I had five fiancΓ©s. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with commitment. My friends called me “The Diamond Man.” I actually married two of them. Meeting women was never a problem; staying in a relationship was. My last relationship ended October 23, 2011. I remember the Harley ride home when I said I was gonna make a change. I was going to go at least one year without going on a date. I was going to concentrate on fixing myself. Funny thing happened during that year. I liked it so much that I have never turned back.

In the past nine years I have made numerous improvements in my life. I have focused on my therapy and have addressed my narcissism. I have become an excellent cook and I have found strength in my faith. I have returned to my place of birth in preparation for the completion of the Circle of Life. Pretty impressive, huh? Those are the type of changes that sell a lot of books so let me share you some of the other benefits of being a single guy. If you see a strawberry daiquiri on your bar bill ya know it’s not yours. You’ll never find yourself sitting on the couch on a Saturday afternoon with a bowl of Haagen Das watching a Lori Laughlin movie. Don’t laugh….that painful memory still triggers a form of PTSMD. I actually will suffer a slight convulsion when I ponder what “My List” on NETFLIX would look like if I had a female partner.

I don’t have to worry what I am wearing. I actually have one t-shirt for each day of the week. I don’t even bother putting clothes away I just hang it in the laundry room and get dressed in front of the ironing board. The closest I got to having someone hit on my girl was when a drunk guy spilled his Corona on my hand. The bartender solved the problem with a towel and a free drink. That never happened before…..I’m used to the police showing up and having to arrange for a ride home. You’ll find THOSE stories in the book I’ll publish once Mother is at peace. Sure it gets lonely at times. I sometimes get jealous seeing a couple together laughing and having a good time. I find it ironic that I finally have become a person that has something to offer yet here I am alone. That’s usually when a moment of levity happens. I’ll call a buddy to come over and watch the Browns game and he’ll say he would but he promised his wife he’d put up the Christmas lights before taking her to the apple farm. That’s when I pause, take it all in and exhale. It’s the end of 2020. Truly the perfect time to be alone. 🦾🦾🦾

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