If you listen to my podcast, and I hope you do because I have adopted a chimpanzee named Bongo that needs to eat, then you know my mission statement is: “85% of the world is stupid, welcome to the 15%.” As I continue on my journey of life I actually believe I may have underestimated that figure as I am constantly confused on a daily basis. Could someone please explain to me some of the following observations and questions that hound me?
- Why is there a man dressed in a cowboy outfit on my TV that wants to send me a lubed catheter for free?
- Why is it an amazing event that you can prepare your own food? I do it on a daily basis but I have never felt the urge to take a picture of it and post it on Facebook?
- When people say “Back in the day” are they referring to a particular day of the week? A certain decade? I like to think of prehistoric times when man discovered fire and the wheel.
- Why do I look at people that buy lottery tickets and think they don’t “shave down there?”
- Why do car dealers insist on shouting in their commercials yet when you go to their showroom to buy a car they speak at a normal sound level?
- George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were great leaders and icons in our nation’s history but I’m sure they would wonder why we celebrate their birthdays by lowering prices on mattresses.
- Why do atheists say “Bless you” after you sneeze?
- Why does every guy behind the counter at a tire store always have a toothpick in his mouth?
- Does the person in front of me that has twenty six items in their shopping cart at the grocery store’s express lane realize I’m thinking they are a jackass?
- When I go to the dentist does he realize that I am looking to see if he trims his nose hairs?
These are just some of the questions that roar through my mind and perhaps the reason why I need to take pills on a daily basis and never expect to find a Mensa member at the bus station.